blondie2374 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I'll try to make this as short and sweet as I can, but it need advice about this guy. So we started talking about 3 months ago and from the beginning he was all about me. He told me he loved me after a week, spent all his time with me, was so sweet and just made me feel very secure. He said that we were together and everything was fine. After a few weeks he stopped texting me and when i finally asked him he said he didn't want a relationship. We agreed to be friends and still hangout. Last weekend I saw him and he was all over me and kissing and hugging me all night, and not talking to other girls. But when i do the same thing to him, start hugging and kissing him, he doesn't like it. Well this weekend I contacted him asking if he wanted to go out and from that he said I was "being clingy", and also said "I want you to know we are not dating and I don't want you to get mad if I talk to other girls at the bar. If I want sex I can just come to you, why would I need to get it from someone else. Just don't be clingy and don't expect anything from me cause I'm doing me." I know we aren't dating, and I never said we were so I honesty don't know where that came from. We do end up having sex most times that we hangout. It's like he says one thing but acts totally different. He knows I care about him a lot and I've always been there for him, but he makes me feel bad and he knows it..and sometimes he still says I love you. last time he said "i may not show it but i do love you" my friends all think he's a jerk and that he's just using me, but i wanted to get an unbiased opinion. What's the deal? (Note, he got out of a 5 year marriage about 5 months ago and he's 24 years old)
hippychick3 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Yes, he is using you. Please respect yourself and raise your standards. Only sleep with men with whom you're in a committed relationship. This guy doesn't love you Stop having sex with this guy and cut off contact so you can move on and find someone who wants to be with you and only you. 1
Methodical Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 He had to have gotten married right out of high school. I imagine he wants to see what is out there and sow his wild oats since he never did that. He is telling you he is doing himself, as in, he is gonna do whatever he wants for now, and that doesn't include a steady relationship. He wants an eff buddy, someone he can hang out with and bang when the mood hits. I don't think he is being a jerk, I think he is being honest to temper your expectations. Essentially, don't get emotionally invested. If you like hanging out and having no-strings attached sex, cool. However, if you are interested in settling down, this isn't the guy for you.
Zahara Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 "I want you to know we are not dating and I don't want you to get mad if I talk to other girls at the bar. If I want sex I can just come to you, why would I need to get it from someone else. Just don't be clingy and don't expect anything from me cause I'm doing me." If you want to be in a committed relationship, stop allowing this guy to keep using you. He's already determined your value -- good enough to F but not good enough to commit to. So best for you to leave, if you are hoping he'll change his mind. It's not happening. I know we aren't dating, and I never said we were so I honesty don't know where that came from. It came from his need to manage your expectations. A reminder of what your position is in his life. This way you know not to expect anything more than just sex.
smudge21 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 You're being treated like an option. Be honest, do you consider yourself someone's option, or do you value yourself higher than that. All the time you're wasting on him, you could be missing out on someone who will love and respect you fully. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Yes, he's definitely using you. He doesn't love you. Listen to your friends. In the future, you should be running for the hills if some random guy says he loves you after one week. That is a major red flag. He said that to get you to sleep with him; it's a classic player move. I am guessing you're on the younger side and haven't encountered these types of guys very much. Listen to those of us who have - he wants only one thing from you.
whatnot Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 (edited) 20 weeks removed from a 5 year marriage. This is important information no matter which side of the fence one is comimg from. Edited June 14, 2016 by whatnot
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