dario55 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I met a woman at a get-together who I asked out on a date. I thought first date went well with lots of talking and laughing, which led to me asking for a second date which I also also thought went alright. I basically did all the planning, picking her up, choosing the place, paying, initiating text convos, but she never really does the same. I'm considering not getting back in touch unless she is the one who initiates it. Is that harsh after only 2 dates? I hate feeling like I'm forcing someone to hang out when they don't want to....Thoughts?
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I met a woman at a get-together who I asked out on a date. I thought first date went well with lots of talking and laughing, which led to me asking for a second date which I also also thought went alright. I basically did all the planning, picking her up, choosing the place, paying, initiating text convos, but she never really does the same. I'm considering not getting back in touch unless she is the one who initiates it. Is that harsh after only 2 dates? I hate feeling like I'm forcing someone to hang out when they don't want to....Thoughts? It's only been two dates. Geez. However, doesn't sound like you are all that into her anyway, so yeah let it go. You don't need an excuse.
SwordofFlame Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 If you didn't get a kiss on the second date after putting in what seems to be literally all of the effort, I would just move on. 1
Zahara Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Have you both kept conversation going in between dates? Does she make the effort to reach out and communicate? I can understand your need to decipher if there is interest so maybe give this one more go and if there is still a lacklustre response on her part, then let it go. If someone is interested in you, they will make the effort to reciprocate.
Author dario55 Posted June 13, 2016 Author Posted June 13, 2016 Have you both kept conversation going in between dates? Does she make the effort to reach out and communicate? I can understand your need to decipher if there is interest so maybe give this one more go and if there is still a lacklustre response on her part, then let it go. If someone is interested in you, they will make the effort to reciprocate. Well I do like her and she did initiate a couple text messages after first date and she seemed excited to hang out again. On second date we both made passing comments about hanging out again but it was nothing concrete. I can't tell if she is shy or if she just isn't interested and was just trying to be nice. Not even a hug on 2nd date btw. She also seemed a little tired the second time we hung out. If it was me in her shoes I would put a little bit more initiative in, but again I'm no female so I don't understand some things.... Should I try for date #3 and then wait for her to suggest another meeting after? Ladies, would you think I was being pushy?
Zahara Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Well I do like her and she did initiate a couple text messages after first date and she seemed excited to hang out again. On second date we both made passing comments about hanging out again but it was nothing concrete. I can't tell if she is shy or if she just isn't interested and was just trying to be nice. Not even a hug on 2nd date btw. She also seemed a little tired the second time we hung out. If it was me in her shoes I would put a little bit more initiative in, but again I'm no female so I don't understand some things.... Should I try for date #3 and then wait for her to suggest another meeting after? Ladies, would you think I was being pushy? Doesn't sound like she's very interested. But it also doesn't hurt to invite her out again. Personally, I wouldn't think you're pushy. If she has no interest in pursuing anything more, she'll decline. That's about the worst that can happen. So, I say go for it. If she decides to see you again and nothing else materializes from it and she's doesn't reciprocate effort, then let it go.
Gaeta Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 It's possible she is playing the dating game. How many times we hear the ladies say on here if a man is interested he will initiate and plan dates so she might just be doing this. Who knows maybe she did in the past put in a lot of effort and attention and was only disappointed so now she lets the man come forward and show his interest. Some women also don't know that after some point she has to reciprocate with invitation and paying dates. They were taught it's always the man's job to do that. If she was not interested she would be full of excuses to not accept your dates. If I were you I would set up another date. At the end of that date tell her it's her turn to plan the next one.
smudge21 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 You'll never truly know what she is thinking, so all you can do is what is right for you. If you feel like not pursuing this, then don't. If you feel it's worth one more date, then do that. I'd personally try and be subtle about it (as it's early days) and hint towards her planning the fourth date. Basically during these early days, you're both in that zone of not having to commit anything. I believe both sides should show the same level of interest, but often that's not the case. Just show interest and chase only to the point you're comfortable with. Never treat someone like a priority when they only see you as an option.
Author dario55 Posted June 13, 2016 Author Posted June 13, 2016 Yea I was leaning towards asking for a third date but I feel like now I've put myself into a situation where I expect something out of it, namely her mentioning the next one. I know it will be in the back of my mind the entire time. I hate the feeling of expecting something from a date and have always had those things flow naturally.
smackie9 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 If it's not flowing like you think it should then bail out. 1
I Just Wanna b Happy Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Leave it alone. If she was interested she would have no issue making contact. Not even a hug on the second date after she did absolutely no planning or paying is just disrespectful. She more than likely has a man and is using you as a tool of ego gratification. For as much slack as men get, the amount of immature women out here is mindlblowing. Move on. 1
Zahara Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I know it will be in the back of my mind the entire time. I hate the feeling of expecting something from a date and have always had those things flow naturally. If it's possible to manage your expectations though this rather than wrangle with anxiety, then go ahead and ask her out again but if you're already having a negative reaction to how all this is coming about, then maybe it would be best to move on.
Satu Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Don't waste your time on people who aren't obviously interested. There are other people out there who will be.
Alltohim Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 I can see why yhou'd wonder about her interest level. Don't give up right away,maybe give her more space and then give her a call and see how sheresponds to the second contact. Good luck and don't give up too quickly!
Author dario55 Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 Update: So went on the 3rd date. It was nice, though she was late. She hinted at meeting again to do something and made a few suggestions but again she gets cold as soon as we part ways. I have to initiate everything and only get very short replies hours later... I can tell she won't get in touch with any ideas or to suggest meeting up. I still can't decide if she's shy or uninterested and just "being nice' or doesn't have anything better to do. I genuinely don't get this one.
tinkerbell16 Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 Update: So went on the 3rd date. It was nice, though she was late. She hinted at meeting again to do something and made a few suggestions but again she gets cold as soon as we part ways. I have to initiate everything and only get very short replies hours later... I can tell she won't get in touch with any ideas or to suggest meeting up. I still can't decide if she's shy or uninterested and just "being nice' or doesn't have anything better to do. I genuinely don't get this one. Have YOU tried to hug or kiss her? It is fairly typically, especially if she is shy, for her to be waiting for you as the man to initiate the first/hug/kiss. She is probably going "I wonder why he hasn't tried to kiss me"?. Make a move on the next date.
angel.eyes Posted June 23, 2016 Posted June 23, 2016 If she weren't interested, she would decline another date. You couldn't force her to hang out if she didn't want to. I'm not getting why you would have such a concern. Did you try for a hug or kiss? How did she respond if you did?
Author dario55 Posted June 23, 2016 Author Posted June 23, 2016 yes I hugged her, got a hug back so wasn't awkward or anything. This hot and cold thing is just new to me. Never had something like this.
james1990 Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 yes I hugged her, got a hug back so wasn't awkward or anything. This hot and cold thing is just new to me. Never had something like this. I just had a similar experience in regards to your texting situation. Since I was always the first and last to text, I let it go for a few days and lone behold, she actually initiated! I suggest you try that. If she doesn't initiate within a week, let it go. If she's like this now, how do you think she would be if you actually ended up together? 1
phineas Posted June 24, 2016 Posted June 24, 2016 This could be a "be the man and lead" type of woman. Set up the next date then only contact the day before to verify. If she shows. Kiss her for Christ sakes. She don't want to kiss by now then drop her. Next date, invite her to your place for dinner. Then you will know if she likes you. If I gotta put down an instruction manual on what to do when she is at your place then this is not the woman for you. You need a more forward / less shy woman. I have women friends like this. They will not initiate with a guy they are dating unless they are crazy for him and he plays the game to make them chase. You arnt there yet. Ive also dated women like this. They show zero interest until the end of the date when I go to kiss them. They know if they don't kiss back to show interest I won't be contacting them again. To be honest these types of women are the easiest to date in the beginning. No constant texting or contact between dates is really how I like it.
ChatroomHero Posted June 25, 2016 Posted June 25, 2016 I'd say let it go and see if she shows genuine interest. If you are a backburner guy, "something to do", or she generally has very low interest, you will find out right away if she fails to initiate anything. Usually as a guy you are on the hook for showing interest or planning and initiating dates but after 2-3 times out I can say in experience if the woman did not initiate via texts or calls or suggestions to get together in all cases it was low interest and shows that outside of your time together she probably does not think about you much. Unless she does initiate something it is basically like you saying, "I am really interested in you" and her replying, "I like kitty cats". If you want to know her interest level, let her show it to you one way or another by backing off.
Author dario55 Posted June 29, 2016 Author Posted June 29, 2016 And it continues.... Asked her out for date #4 (for weekend) doing something she had suggested would be nice to do... she said she'd like to go but was really busy this weekend and couldn't go, but suggested another weekend 2 weeks from now. So that will be 3 weeks between dates 3 and 4. As usual, radio silence from her end unless I initiate any conversations. Super traditional and shy or just plain not interested? All ladies I've dated before have been eager to keep in touch even with silly messages or asking how the week was going. I haven't sent any messages since 4th date was agreed on. Should I just call and confirm the day before or what? Am I being delusional here? Should I just drop it at this point?
stillminds Posted June 30, 2016 Posted June 30, 2016 And it continues.... Asked her out for date #4 (for weekend) doing something she had suggested would be nice to do... she said she'd like to go but was really busy this weekend and couldn't go, but suggested another weekend 2 weeks from now. So that will be 3 weeks between dates 3 and 4. The good news is she gave you a counter-offer for the next date. If she didn't counter offer, that's almost always a bad sign. Personally 3 weeks would be way too long imo. Especially with very little contact in between dates, it's very easy for either of you to lose interest. The girl I'm dating now is kinda similar to her, 90% of the time I'm initiating texting, talking, going out, kissing, touching, paying, etc. I felt like you in the beginning, that she wasn't really interested because I'm doing all nearly all the work. But now we've been on 8 dates and I realize it's her personality. She is just very passive and a follower. I had to learn to lead everything (even though I'm naturally a follower too). It's very possible your girl is like this, but it will take time to really see her true personality.
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