Jabron1 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 What's funny is, your experience completely counters Jabron's dating methods. lol He's saying, "Dude, you know within' seconds that you want to bang her." Why are you bringing me up? And how does it counter anything I do or say? Women drop off all the time. Just accept it. Whirlwind guy made a thread about being 'unavailable' recently. I was tempted to go off on one about how he should be spinning plates and be naturally unavailable. If he was spinning plates, he wouldn't be in this mess. Instead he is looking for the 'one', and happily riding the roller-coaster of a woman's emotions and hormones. This is your game, not mine. Don't confuse the two. You did it on a 2nd date with this woman and STILL, she "friend zoned" you. So? This is why I prefer to give it some time. Some people on here tend to want itch scratched ASAP. lol Let me get this straight, you prefer to "give it time" because you think it will make things longterm. Is that what your game is?
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I agree, but the OP's date killed that by announcing there was nothing there and best they go separate ways. What does a guy do in that case? Try to convince her to go on a second date? Please no. Well, if she out right said there was no chemistry, then then there's no talking her into it, but I think she's shooting herself in the foot by throwing in the towel so easily if they had a great time. I generally throw in the towel if she's a complete ice queen or she was lacking engagement in conversation. I recall a woman I went out with, I was doing most of the talking, she was mostly nodding...wasn't contributing much at all to the conversation. I thought she wasn't interested...and because of her lack of engagement...I felt the same. But later she emailed me to go out with her again... I was like "Really? After a boring date, she still wants to see me?" I had to decline saying to her, "I really thought we didn't have great conversation...so I wasn't feeling it as I thought you weren't feeling it either." But usually when I DO Have great conversations and a good time, I would be game for a 2nd date big time.
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Why are you bringing me up? And how does it counter anything I do or say? Women drop off all the time. Just accept it. I don't accept it as I find this behavior unacceptable, that's why I've refused one-nights with women that put out so easily. Whirlwind guy made a thread about being 'unavailable' recently. I was tempted to go off on one about how he should be spinning plates and be naturally unavailable. If he was spinning plates, he wouldn't be in this mess. Some men don't have the luxury of spinning plates, meaning they don't have enough women interested in them enough to have multitudes of women to go out with every weekend. In case, it was only one. Some men are lucky enough to get that one "plate" per month. So you have THAT to consider as spinning plates may not even be an option. Instead he is looking for the 'one' Yeah, so? Your point? Let me get this straight, you prefer to "give it time" because you think it will make things longterm. Is that what your game is? It's no "game" at all as this is a lingo I don't ascribe to.
I Just Wanna b Happy Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 OLD is atrocious. I tried it for like 2 months and constantly repeated to myself "I see why these women are single". Maybe they felt the same about me because I have low tolerance for nonsense and that is exactly what came with women from the OLD world. 1
Author IslandDude Posted June 13, 2016 Author Posted June 13, 2016 Well, if she out right said there was no chemistry, then then there's no talking her into it, but I think she's shooting herself in the foot by throwing in the towel so easily if they had a great time. I generally throw in the towel if she's a complete ice queen or she was lacking engagement in conversation. But usually when I DO Have great conversations and a good time, I would be game for a 2nd date big time. Right. This is basically how I felt at the end. I'm not going to try and talk her into another "real" date if she tells me there's no chemistry after the first meet but she genuinely had a great time yet still didn't want to give it another chance. That's why I feel like I'm missing something. In this particular case this girl is actually still texting me about things we talked about and still saying how much fun she had. Yet... Doesn't want to go on a date. I'm like the instant friend to these girls. Wtf.
Jabron1 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I don't accept it as I find this behavior unacceptable, that's why I've refused one-nights with women that put out so easily. The next time a woman flakes or ghosts on me, I'll be sure to tell her that you find it unacceptable. I'm sure it'll be a game changer. Some men don't have the luxury of spinning plates, meaning they don't have enough women interested in them enough to have multitudes of women to go out with every weekend. In case, it was only one. Some men are lucky enough to get that one "plate" per month. So you have THAT to consider as spinning plates may not even be an option. I don't accept that. Yeah, so? Your point? That it's foolish, and makes no sense. It's no "game" at all as this is a lingo I don't ascribe to. You have a way of handling your business as we all do. I asked you a question. This isn't semantics. Allow me to ask again, with my full regards to the language police: Let me get this straight, you prefer to "give it time" because you think it will make things longterm. Is that what your business is?
Jabron1 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Right. This is basically how I felt at the end. I'm not going to try and talk her into another "real" date if she tells me there's no chemistry after the first meet but she genuinely had a great time yet still didn't want to give it another chance. That's why I feel like I'm missing something. In this particular case this girl is actually still texting me about things we talked about and still saying how much fun she had. Yet... Doesn't want to go on a date. I'm like the instant friend to these girls. Wtf. If you know that you aren't going to see these girls again (that it's typically 'one and done'), then what have you got to lose? Experiment.
WhirlwindGuy Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I can easily spin plates, and have done it before. I just don't prefer to do it. Especially when I am seeing someone who I genuinely feel has potential. The mistake I made that killed the "chemistry" was: 1. Agreeing to sleep with her so early...it was a trap 2. Telling her how I felt at a month in and asking for exclusivity. number 2 apparently made her start thinking about why she wasn't feeling the same desire to be exclusive and ultimately why she ended it yesterday. I do agree with Jabron, in that if I would have been more "unavailable"; been spinning plates in other words, I guarantee you she would still be here today wondering if I was going to come over tonight or not. I wasn't a challenge. I was exactly what she told me she wanted in a man...it was too easy, so obviously its wrong...and hence Im back to square one again. The chemistry thing is bull****, I think. We sure had good chemistry when she pulled me into a bathroom in a random hotel lobby to have sex. When we practically made a porno for around 5 hours, into the early morning a week or so back. When we danced, talked, embraced for hours by ourselves in an empty bar just a few days ago. The chemistry thing was code for she wanted me to be more difficult. To build up the mystery and chase. Sounds like what the OP may have experienced too. It was too easy, therefore, must not be worth it. Lesson learned.
xxoo Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Okay. So it sounds like it's hopefully not something I have a lot of control over. As far as flirting that somebody asked about, that's one of the things I was wondering. I mean at a first meeting I am not flirting much at all right off the bat because I have never met this person before. All of the girls I have had chemistry with before are ones that I saw more often prior to a date such as friends of friends, coworkers, classmates, etc. where we had time to develop the chemistry a little. I feel like with the OLD meets its like you have to have it within 5 seconds or you're out. Of course you can flirt on a first meet. You can (and should) flirt before a first meet. Heck, that's how people get dates with strangers in public--by flirting! I think you could benefit from loosening up and being more playful and flirtatious. Have some fun. Elicit some giggles. Leave her feeling great about herself and the time she spent with you.
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I can easily spin plates, and have done it before. I just don't prefer to do it. Especially when I am seeing someone who I genuinely feel has potential. The mistake I made that killed the "chemistry" was: 1. Agreeing to sleep with her so early...it was a trap 2. Telling her how I felt at a month in and asking for exclusivity. number 2 apparently made her start thinking about why she wasn't feeling the same desire to be exclusive and ultimately why she ended it yesterday. I do agree with Jabron, in that if I would have been more "unavailable"; been spinning plates in other words, I guarantee you she would still be here today wondering if I was going to come over tonight or not. I wasn't a challenge. I was exactly what she told me she wanted in a man...it was too easy, so obviously its wrong...and hence Im back to square one again. The chemistry thing is bull****, I think. We sure had good chemistry when she pulled me into a bathroom in a random hotel lobby to have sex. When we practically made a porno for around 5 hours, into the early morning a week or so back. When we danced, talked, embraced for hours by ourselves in an empty bar just a few days ago. The chemistry thing was code for she wanted me to be more difficult. To build up the mystery and chase. Sounds like what the OP may have experienced too. It was too easy, therefore, must not be worth it. Lesson learned. Hate to tell you this, but this is the kind of woman, even if you did go along with being "unavailable", leaving her to wonder where ya been, as soon as you would start acting like yourself again...she'd dump ya in 2 months instead of one. Trying to adjust your behavior to this flake of a woman who had no issue dumping you after sex is someone you wouldn't want in your life anyway. Hell, if you've refused sex from her in the first place, chances are she'd go and find another man at another party to bump uglies with and forget you. This woman would be a sorry excuse of a girlfriend even if you DID make yourself a challenge. Plus, if a man needs to make himself a challenge TO a woman just to win her over, chances are she bores easily and a woman, or anyone for that matter that BORES easily is actually someone you would not want to associate with or even be friends to. I heard someone say that usually someone that bores easily is boring themselves. 1
Dis Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I can easily spin plates, and have done it before. I just don't prefer to do it. Especially when I am seeing someone who I genuinely feel has potential. The mistake I made that killed the "chemistry" was: 1. Agreeing to sleep with her so early...it was a trap 2. Telling her how I felt at a month in and asking for exclusivity. number 2 apparently made her start thinking about why she wasn't feeling the same desire to be exclusive and ultimately why she ended it yesterday. I do agree with Jabron, in that if I would have been more "unavailable"; been spinning plates in other words, I guarantee you she would still be here today wondering if I was going to come over tonight or not. I wasn't a challenge. I was exactly what she told me she wanted in a man...it was too easy, so obviously its wrong...and hence Im back to square one again. The chemistry thing is bull****, I think. We sure had good chemistry when she pulled me into a bathroom in a random hotel lobby to have sex. When we practically made a porno for around 5 hours, into the early morning a week or so back. When we danced, talked, embraced for hours by ourselves in an empty bar just a few days ago. The chemistry thing was code for she wanted me to be more difficult. To build up the mystery and chase. Sounds like what the OP may have experienced too. It was too easy, therefore, must not be worth it. Lesson learned. WhirlwindGuy...first off I'm SO sorry it didnt work out hun. I have had the same thing happen to me months back and I know it hurts like h$ll. My current bf and I have been exclusive for 2 months now and I'm still worried it will happen again....sometimes I get so paranoid about it but thats the risk we have to take. I think you might want to go back to your previous thread....the answer is right there....you were suffocating her. I honestly think that was the main problem....thats why she ended it. She wanted you to be something your not...she wanted you to be aloof and mysterious...she wanted you to play hard to get (She actually said that right?) Although you need to be yourself with the next one...you really need to take it slower...I'm not saying act like a player because thats obvi not you but give her some breathing room. She might have been fine with the lack of healthy space in the beginning but it eventually wore her down and she buckled. Dont overthink the cause of her decision...you didnt give her enough space....came on too strong...thats it. Dont torture yourself replaying your time with her and questioning things...just focus on letting her go for now Again, I'm so sorry hun. Give yourself some time to heal and hopefully you'll learn from this and move on to find the right girl! OP....I agree with others that chemistry is either there or its not...but one date might not be enough time to determine if its there. On my first date with my bf I didnt feel a spark...I liked him and thought he was attractive but didnt feel the chemistry. I decided to go on a second date with him and BOOM! The spark and chemistry were both there. Sometimes people are just nervous on the first date....second dates usually go better. But if your not attracted to her or visa versa...theres not much you can do there. Another poster mentioned you need to avoid treating girls like they're a friend while on dates...I agree with that. While you cant force chemistry...you do need to have some swag/game to start off with
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 The chemistry thing was code for she wanted me to be more difficult. To build up the mystery and chase. Right, and who needs that kind of aggravation. 1
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 WWG... why does it man she wants you to be more difficult? That SHE has the problem? Is this some sort of a defense mechanism on your part, to avoid the sting of rejection? Maybe after getting to know you further, after six weeks, she simply changed her mind? I said this on another thread too about sparks dying after sex, but just cuz someone is attracted to you and dates you for awhile, that does not mean they are obligated to feel that same way for the rest of their lives. People meet and feel an attraction. Then they date to get to know each other. After getting to know them, sometimes (most times) their feelings change and they wish to move on. It's no one's fault it happens, it's life. Accept it and move on. Blaming HER for godonlyknows what (wanting you to be more difficult and challenging) is a futile waste of your time and energy. Just move on.
Dis Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Hate to tell you this, but this is the kind of woman, even if you did go along with being "unavailable", leaving her to wonder where ya been, as soon as you would start acting like yourself again...she'd dump ya in 2 months instead of one. Trying to adjust your behavior to this flake of a woman who had no issue dumping you after sex is someone you wouldn't want in your life anyway. Hell, if you've refused sex from her in the first place, chances are she'd go and find another man at another party to bump uglies with and forget you. This woman would be a sorry excuse of a girlfriend even if you DID make yourself a challenge. Plus, if a man needs to make himself a challenge TO a woman just to win her over, chances are she bores easily and a woman, or anyone for that matter that BORES easily is actually someone you would not want to associate with or even be friends to. I heard someone say that usually someone that bores easily is boring themselves. This is very true. I personally wouldnt pursue a guy that played hard to get...waste of time. I dont feed into game playing...neither should WhirlwindGuy. Real men dont need to put on a show to attract and keep real women. A mature woman will appreciate a guy showing intrest and taking the initiative. While I do think WhirlwindGuy should pull back alittle next time, he didnt stand a chance with this flightly girl. Also agree that if she was going to get bored with him and kick him to the curb...she was clearly a waste of time and he's better off without her.
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 This is very true. I personally wouldnt pursue a guy that played hard to get...waste of time. I dont feed into game playing Right, neither do I. That's when I laughed and said I didn't ascribe to "the game" as it was referred to earlier. "You need to get better game" or "Is that your game?" or "You better UP your game!" It's lingo a lot of the youths tend to use. When people say or ask that, I look at them like they have a third eye. I think someone asked earlier if "this is my game" and didn't ascribe to it, as if it was something definitive or the gospel. Also agree that if she was going to get bored with him and kick him to the curb...she was clearly a waste of time and he's better off without her. Right, instead of listening to advice in actually trying to "get and keep" such a woman...find another woman that isn't even LIKE this.
juniorrocha Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I've been with a lot of women, and only got into a serious relationship with one of them. There were only 3 of them that I actually 'clicked' with. There were some who fell in love with me, but I didn't. Or the other way around. That's life. I didn't have to change a thing about myself. When it was the right time, the "right" one came. Turns out she wasn't the one, but we spent almost 2 years together. So I don't think you're the problem. It's just that there are people who will connect better with you and others that wont. I believe it's as simple as that. [off-topic] I've always wondered what is OLD. Is that an app or something?
Dis Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I've been with a lot of women, and only got into a serious relationship with one of them. There were only 3 of them that I actually 'clicked' with. There were some who fell in love with me, but I didn't. Or the other way around. That's life. I didn't have to change a thing about myself. When it was the right time, the "right" one came. Turns out she wasn't the one, but we spent almost 2 years together. So I don't think you're the problem. It's just that there are people who will connect better with you and others that wont. I believe it's as simple as that. [off-topic] I've always wondered what is OLD. Is that an app or something? Lol. OLD= Online dating. I agree that compatiblity is about meeting the right person at the right time. We should never change ourselves in an attempt to force a relationship to work. 1
WhirlwindGuy Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 WWG... why does it man she wants you to be more difficult? That SHE has the problem? Is this some sort of a defense mechanism on your part, to avoid the sting of rejection? Maybe after getting to know you further, after six weeks, she simply changed her mind? I said this on another thread too about sparks dying after sex, but just cuz someone is attracted to you and dates you for awhile, that does not mean they are obligated to feel that same way for the rest of their lives. People meet and feel an attraction. Then they date to get to know each other. After getting to know them, sometimes (most times) their feelings change and they wish to move on. It's no one's fault it happens, it's life. Accept it and move on. Blaming HER for godonlyknows what (wanting you to be more difficult and challenging) is a futile waste of your time and energy. Just move on. Katie, I guess my resentment comes from the fact that up until about 5 minutes before we never spoke again, everything was great. She was making plans on what we were going to do for the day, we took a shower together, as she was making plans I was rubbing her legs and feet, she was naked. We talked about spending the next few nights together. Then she pulled me in to spoon with her and proceeded to tell me that there was no romantic spark for her and she didn't see herself getting there. No chemistry. That was it. Don't you find that a little bizzare?? Wouldn't you be a little irked too? This was also after spending a great 3 day weekend out of town together where she totally opened up to me about a lot of things. 1
Dis Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Katie, I guess my resentment comes from the fact that up until about 5 minutes before we never spoke again, everything was great. She was making plans on what we were going to do for the day, we took a shower together, as she was making plans I was rubbing her legs and feet, she was naked. We talked about spending the next few nights together. Then she pulled me in to spoon with her and proceeded to tell me that there was no romantic spark for her and she didn't see herself getting there. No chemistry. That was it. Don't you find that a little bizzare?? Wouldn't you be a little irked too? This was also after spending a great 3 day weekend out of town together where she totally opened up to me about a lot of things. I've been there hun. It feels like the rug was pulled out from underneath you. I think its bizzare. For a person to go from burning hot to ice cold. I know that people change their minds but to go from one extreme to another is shocking to deal with. My ex did the same to me. 6 weeks of intensity, sweet words, every second together to him breaking up with me over the phone for no apparent reason. It sucks. I think you need to realise you probably wont get the answers you want. You just need to accept that its over and shes not who you thought she was. This kind of stuff happens all the time. From your previous thread I do think you moved way to fast with her...she told you herself you were suffocating her. Learn from this and take things slower next time and keep some distance. I know your hurt hun...this kind of thing sucks. I'm alittle damaged from my ex dropping me like that. I'm paranoid my current bf of 2 months will end up doing the same thing. Keep your chin up hun. Time will heal 1
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