greyford Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Hello, First of all, SORRY for this long thread, but I just really need people to hear me out that aren't my immediate friends. I've been trying to keep myself occupied for thinking about the break-up I recently went through with my best friend, but I can only run away from it for so long before the thoughts come back, making me feel miserable and absolutely sh*tty. Sometimes empathy and just having a listening ear can be such a wonderful yet temporary remedy specially when you feel like you've exhausted all of your resources...so here I am! We were coworkers that became instant best friends. We just clicked; I mean, we try to do everything together -- if we can manage to fit each other in in whatever the other person is doing or about to do, we'll do it. We've reached that kind of friendship where comfortability means being shameless, and we f*cking love it! He moved in with his girlfriend about a year ago and lost half of our friends due to his girlfriend's insecurity. I knew from the moment they moved in together that the time I've spent with him will be cut short. Honestly, I didn't like it at all, but somehow we managed. Earlier this year, I had a freak out over text because of how he hasn't been replying fast enough. It was a culmination of the fact that we don't see each other as often as before and some personal stuff I was going through. I admit, it was my fault and to this day I feel terrible because i threw empty words that did some damage. I apologized profusely and we decided to meet up in person to settle things. When we met up, I pretty much told him a good chunk of who I am. I told him about my diplomacy in the US, and how that pretty much dictate how I do things in the country. Imagine being a US citizen and being able to do things like them, but with a glass ceiling. It's a source of my hopelessness when I graduated high school since my parents couldn't afford for me to go to college. I could go on and on, but I'd rather not get into it...Anyways, after we made up, I asked him to please not tell anyone, specially his girlfriend, of what we discussed since it's something I really don't talk about with people. He promised that he won't and that he'll keep our relationship completely separate from his relationship with his girl. 3 weeks later, we were at happy hour with this other dude who happens to be best friend with his girlfriend. It was all fun and blissful, 'til this guy asked me out of nowhere, "Are you a citizen?"...I sobered up quick and I pretty much made **** up. My best friend also supplemented my lie and everything was good. When he went to the restroom, I asked my friend if he told him anything of what we discussed, to which he said no. Months later, we went to happy hour with this guy once again. Sidenote, he's a friend of convenience; he's the type of those that you would not hear from unless he needs something and I had a hunch that he called for this meetup because he needs a place to stay at a wedding we're all going to in Chicago and I happen to have a place to fit all of us. Anyways, homeboy made a passing remark again about my status which I ignored. The next, I asked my friend once again if he told anyone of what I told him and he reassured me that he didn't and that I should have nothing to worry about. Awesome. 2 weekends later, the day that we decided to go out and see a movie -- Me, my best friend, his girlfriend, homeboy, and another friend of ours -- I checked his girlfriend's snapchat and found that I they all went out the previous night for homeboy's birthday. I was shallowly upset because I went out of my way to include him in the house we were going to stay at in Chicago and I didn't get an invite. I vented to my best friend about it and he told me not to take it personally, to which I agreed. I also told him that I'll be ok when we meet up and to not tell homeboy of our conversation. Later that day, we got to the theater and homeboy was saving us some seats, but it wasn't enough for all of us. Being the sarcastic *sshole that I am, I told him, "Good job at saving us seats!"...to which he replied, "This is why you don't get invited." and stormed off. At this point, I turned white in embarrassment and I was filled with rage...not at him though, but at my best friend. You see, not only was his response uncalled for but it also means that he knows that I was upset about not being invited. You don't say that to somebody that you didn't invite and supposedly not know anything about the birthday party that you had. At this point, I was sure that whatever confidential things I tell my best friend, it somehow reach homeboy. I didn't even watch the movie; I literally were getting up because I couldn't sit still. I confronted my friend about it after the movie, and he told me that it was all coincidental...The fact that it wasn't only us and I didn't want to be the ruin the remainder of the night, I ATE IT UP. Hours later after numerous drinks were consumed, someone thought it'll be a brilliant idea to bring up what happened earlier at the movies. In my drunken state, I adamantly told everyone that it's not an issue of not being invited, but the fact he must've known how I felt about not being invited because of what he said. I don't remember how the whole conversation went, but homeboy had a dramatic walk-out that I felt embarrassed about. My best friend's girlfriend tried talking to me and I explained to her numerous times that it's not him, it's my best friend. I don't know exactly what the remainder of the conversation was, but I could remember vividly that she said "Your best friend tells me everything." The next day, not only did I kick out homeboy out of the place we were gonna stay at in Chicago, but I also confronted my friend. I really thought that sleeping it off would help, but after that night it only heightened my suspicion. I told him that there was no way that all of the thing's that homeboy blurted out were mere coincidence and that he needs to tell me how he found out. I also said that being best friends mean that I have to be able to confide in him, and I am afraid that I can't do that anymore. He was defensive at first saying how can I put our friendship on the line over a hunch and blah blah blah, but for the most part he said he understood where I was coming from and that he wouldn't want to be best friend with somebody who can't confide in him. But I needed MORE than somebody who understands my suspicions; As somebody who has major trust issues, I needed an explanation and an apology and I need it right then and there. So I texted him aggressively the next day, this time using the fact that his girlfriend drunkenly told me that he tells her everything. We went back and forth, but he was adamant that he didn't spilled what I told him. Frustration got a hold me and I told him "I need y'all out of my life. Go find another place to stay in Chicago."...to which he responded with "Okay." It's been 3 weeks since this happened. I have texted him multiple times about how I felt and expressed numerous situations of how my secrets were spilled, but nothing. I deleted him from social media weeks ago and finally his number a couple of days ago. I didn't do it to be spiteful, rather I just don't want to have any outlet to express how I feel towards him whenever I think of the break-up. It's a feeling of the ultimate betrayal and just feeling sh*tty. I am more concerned about the thought of my secrets being known 2 other people when I only told 1 (I am positively sure that he told his girlfriend what I told him and she took that second hand information and told homeboy). It took me 7 years to tell my high school best friend...a year and a half to him...and 3 weeks for homeboy to have an idea. No lie, I feel bad about the break and I miss my best friend dearly, but I am not about to cave; I feel strongly about being wronged and I need answers. I don't know what to do anymore. I need an explanation and an apology and they are not giving it to me. Chicago will be is going to be a very interesting trip. tl;dr: I've finally told my best friend about one of the most confidential part of my life, and I think it somehow reached his girlfriend's best friend. One night at the movies, my suspicion spiked when his girlfriend's best friend made a remark that he wouldn't have if he didn't know of what I confided in my best friend that morning. He said that he hasn't been telling anybody of anything that I told him in confidence, but the evidence stacked against him is just far too strong. So I broke up with my best friend, but I can't get over the fact that I wasn't offered an explanation and a sorry for the betrayal and breach of trust. I think that my best friend tells him girlfriend what I tell him in confidence and she takes these second hand information and tells her best friend.
minimariah Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 to put it this way -- he's just not that into you. that's all. you took your friendship more seriously than your friend did; he doesn't care all too much. that's why you were never given an explanation and an apology & you can stop holding your breath because you're not getting it anyway. dude just doesn't care. i know it sucks and it hurts but... it is what it is. get him out of your life, stick with NC & move on. you don't need a friend who'll tell ALL of your business. that's just not YOUR team. they don't have your back so stop wasting your time on them. i'd seriously let it go. you're not getting an explanation or an apology and you'll have to move on without it.
Author greyford Posted June 13, 2016 Author Posted June 13, 2016 to put it this way -- he's just not that into you. that's all. you took your friendship more seriously than your friend did; he doesn't care all too much. that's why you were never given an explanation and an apology & you can stop holding your breath because you're not getting it anyway. dude just doesn't care. i know it sucks and it hurts but... it is what it is. get him out of your life, stick with NC & move on. you don't need a friend who'll tell ALL of your business. that's just not YOUR team. they don't have your back so stop wasting your time on them. i'd seriously let it go. you're not getting an explanation or an apology and you'll have to move on without it. I appreciate your comment. I don't if it's because he doesn't care. I know he cares of our friendship, I just know he does. I guess that's why despite all of this, I really don't have any strong feelings against him. I don't think there's any bad intentions with the betrayal. But a betrayal is a betrayal regardless of how you look at it. But yes, he doesn't care now. The next time and the last time I'll see him is in Chicago...it should be interesting.
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