Barbary_Horse Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Been with my guy for a year now, but lately I feel a lack of interest in him. The last time I felt this way was when I was dealing with some minor health issues, I fully recovered and we were back to our usual lovey-dovey selves. This time it seems to be because he is spending a lot of time with his side-chick. We went out together yesterday and I felt borderline contempt for him. I know they aren't sleeping together and in her own words she would never go out with him but I suspect he fancies her. I can barely bring myself to answer his messages, thinking 'what's the point?' They have two more day trips coming up. Do you think my feelings for him will come back?
Buddhist Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 It really depends on what your feelings for him were based on in the first place. Most people never stop to ask themselves, why am I attracted to this person and therein lies the real problem. From personal experience, my attraction to all of my partners had nothing to do with admiration for who they actually were as people. It had to do with issues within me seeking resolution. Once those issues became apparent and were resolved I lost all attraction to these people and left the relationship. That is the story of many a love relationship. Many people tend to think that hormones and chemistry means you love that person. What it often means is that the person in question is triggering unconscious memories in you and you are feeling the physical reaction to that. Think about it, most people describe chemistry as....butterflies, feeling heat in the body and face, getting shakey, nervous or even feeling an adrenalin rush. I can categorically tell you what else feels exactly like that.....the fight or flight response. In fact when I compare the two within myself there is actually no difference in the physical sensations of both. It's very likely that these periods of introspection you've had, where your awareness has been brought back wholly to yourself that you actually begin to see him as he really is. And you don't particularly like what you see. So I won't tell you that your feelings for him will return. I don't know what they were based on in the first place. But I can tell you that your experience is quite common.
Popsicle Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Well, considering those circumstances, I would fall out of love with someone and develop contempt for them too. I would also break up with them so the question of whether or not my feelings would come back is moot. 2
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 His side chick has hijacked your relationship, you cannot feel close to someone whose priority is another woman. You have thus stepped back to protect yourself. No-one would blame you if you just moved on here. 1
Author Barbary_Horse Posted June 13, 2016 Author Posted June 13, 2016 (edited) Interesting. I latched onto him as a rebound but grew to respect and genuinely fancy him and he very much fancies me too. Yes, his girlfriend of 3 years seems to enjoy the monopoly she has over him, despite not wanting him romantically. Like a lot of young women I wanted to believe he was The One, but he's never wanted marriage. Exactly, my reaction is self-protection. I often tried to give him an 'out' from Open Relationships (I didn't want) to Just Friends (he say's we're either going out or we're not). At the moment it wouldn't be hard to gently phase him out, he wouldn't even notice for a while. That would take away a lot of the uncertainty. Either the feelings will return of their own accord or not. Thanks for your replies x Edited June 13, 2016 by Barbary_Horse
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