Its been a month since we split. I still want her back!

[Stasiman]

Hey folks, will try and keep this brief.

 

Had an intense 7 month long distance relationship with a girl. Known her for 10 years, we have lots of mutual friends as she used to live in my town.

 

She dumped me a month ago after a disagreement we had. Long story short I upset her over a relatively small issue. I know I had gone wrong and apologized sincerely. She wasnt happy and it led to weeks of ignoring, arguing and me trying to salvage it all. I did and said things I never meant (nothing bad but just emotional outbursts) and it ended up with her dumping me by text.

 

Our mutual friends (one of which is her best friend) got involved and caused problems generally. From what I hear her best friend encouraged her to dump me and generally dragged my name through the mud. I was in disbelief as there was no cheating or anything really bad involved and in hindsight I was treated more harshly that I should have been. We broke up over a relatively small issue and I was devastated. She had her own issues from a past relationship with her ex husband who was generally a nasty piece of work and left her for another woman. I feel that too some extent this effected how she saw our relationship and when we hit a hurdle (the first argument we had) she quickly ended it. She did appear very unsure about ending it and I essentially had to push for an answer if she wanted to carry it on. She cant cope very well with confrontation and didnt seem to want to talk about it or fix things. Days before she ended it she was telling me she was disapointed things had gone this way and really didnt think it would end like this. I agreed. She dumped me telling me that although we have lots in common she thought we where on different pages. I accepted it gracefully and told her its cool. This was all done by text as she didnt want to talk on the phone, we never once saw each other as things spiralled downwards quickly.

 

I them went into a period of no contact and tried to move on but really I was kidding myself and I was desperate to get her back. She follows me on Snahpchat/Instagram and was viewing my pics all the time,often quickly after i had uploaded them. I was generally trying to move on and going out with friends lots and being very busy doing lots of different stuff. I was posting on this on social media and she was viewing it all.

 

After 4 weeks of NC I fired off a causal message asking her a genuine question about a recipe for a dish she often cooked for me. She replied quickly with a brief answer but it wasnt very enthusiastic. I tried to converse but she didnt reply again. A week later I sent her a message telling her I miss her, no reply. A week later I sent one more, no reply. Ive not begged or pleaded post breakup but I did make clear I want her back.

 

Now Its not my style to go chasing girls who dumped me but I still very much love her and I dont know what to do. She views all my pics on snapchat/instgram often minutes after I post them and I dont understand why she would do this. I dont want to be petty and block her but it seems strange that she would still do this given she apparently wants nothing more to do with me. In a weird way just her viewing my pics feels like attention and makes me feel a bit connected to her, its not good for me really. I do think that on some level the involvement of our mutual friends helped her to make a decision, particularly as her best friend isnt my biggest fan. My ex went from telling me how much she loved me to nothing in 2 weeks and didnt even have the decency to dump me by a phonecall. Given we have mutual friends and will no doubt see each other around of the coming months (She often visits my hometown) it seemed very bad form for her to be so harsh. The fact she hasnt replied to my attempts to reach out is harsh as well I think considering we have close mutual friends, even if she just told me its never going to happen and I need to move on would help. Most of our mutual friends have said they think shes treated me badly by dumping me by text and ignoring me afterwards when Ive tried to reach out. I dont think she has done this to be callous I think its more a case of her shying away from situations she cant handle.

 

I really dont know what to do on the one hand I know there is nothing I can do but on the other im still very much in love with her and gravely disappointed she felt the need to end it over a relatively small disagreement. I dont want to contact her again but I really miss her.

 

Im 40 years old and like everyone else has been dumped before but I never felt this way afterwards. Ive usually been pretty good at moving on but this time I just baffled by what happened, why it happened and why she did what she did over it all. Im completely dismayed as to how she behaved during the breakup and afterwards and have never experienced that in all my years of dating, least of all from a person who is a part of my social group who I was previously friends with before we got together.

 

Carrying on like this isnt healthy for me and Im constantly thinking about her. It doesnt help she views all my pics on social media as it makes me feel like she still has some interest in me (even though its probably just a case of her being bored). We had so much in common and had a great time and it feels odd that its just gone so quickly. She has all sorts of hangups from her divorce and I think this certainly made her feel vulnerable by being in a new relationship. She did have problems opening up and was still guarded at times and it was obvious she found it difficult to trust again. I gave her no reason to doubt my loyalty (I am a very loyal man and would never cheat). I feel that basically she just wanted all the good from the relationship but couldnt handle dealing with the bad and just ran away once we hit a hurdle rather than trying to sort things out.

 

I feel let down that someone who claimed love for me put so little effort into trying to fix things and a part of me thinks she didnt really know how to handle it when we ran into a problem. I didnt help because I was frustrated with her inability to deal with confrontation or difficult conversations but I tried my best to fix it. I thought we had a strong bond (it felt like we did to me) and she showed lots of affection and love. It just seems that she ran away from dealing with an issue once it came up and couldnt cope.

 

Im sure lots of people say this when they get dumped but I sincerely believe she acted rashly and with her friend pushing her to end it. I know she has her own mind and all but I do feel it certainly wont have helped her overdramatic friend talking negatively about me constantly to her. Our other mutual friends (female) have told me she should have minded her own business and was being very unfair to me.

 

 

What should I do??

Edited June 12, 2016 by Stasiman

[gaig]

Honestly, I am getting bored of reading about people that they opt so easily for the easy solution of running away like nothing has happened and people like you and me and others that they want at least to give a shot on working on it (even it fails, but at least try first).

 

I thought it was only me versus my exs, but at least in this forum it appears we are the majority!

 

Honestly, the next girl I find and she has even just 10% of the mightiness I have, I will marry her in the first month even if she has a single healthy tooth standing in her mouth!

 

I don't know what to tell you my friend, but I can't really blame these people if they learned that way. Maybe blame the ones that nurtured them, but then once again..someone nurtured them as well..

 

Chin up!

[Laydback1]

U just met her at wrong time, u were the guy after a dirtbag and u had to pay for his mistakes! I really dont think she dumped u over the disagreement if it was minor. Women use **** like tht as an excuse to break up. She broke up with u for another reason. Almost positive u have to think and maybe figure it out for your closure. Women do strange things tht make perfect sense to them. Her best friend probably encouraged it for her own selfish reasons. It sucks! The only card u got is to completely ignore her and dont plan on her coming back. These days the nice guy finishes last! Hope it helps!