bethbeatrice Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 I Have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. For the most part our relationship is great but I do have one issue. I don't feel that he considers my feeling when he makes decisions. For instance, he will make a date w/me and then invite friends to tag along w/out asking me first or if we happen to be out with friends and he automatically does what they want to do instead of consulting first with me. I know we have communication problems and that may be the reason I can't get it through to him that he cant assume I am okay with whats going on. I have a problem interjecting in his decisions because I don't want to hurt our (his or my) friends or make them think that I am a bitch or overly controling. I prefer to keep our discussions on involving hanging out with friends or what we do private until a decisions has been made. That way, noone gets their feelings hurt. Does anyone know how I can get this through to him? Does anyone else feel this way? Am I being too critical? Thank you! Beth
Merin Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Why don't you just tell him that while you like or enjoy going out in groups that you miss spending some alone time with him.. see if the 2 of you cannot compromise and make at least one night a week that belongs ONLY to the 2 of you...
shygurl Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Some questions... 1) what ages are you both? 2) how often does he do this - weekly? a few times a week? once a month? 3) does he ever just want to spend time with just you? 4) has he been like this all along? Without yet knowing your answers, it could be that he's trying to balance his friends with you.........maybe he doesn't want to feel like he's got to choose.........maybe his friends really give him a hard time about not spending time with them (or too much with you, according to them anyway) and he's not yet able to stand up for himself in a nice but firm way?
Author bethbeatrice Posted June 26, 2005 Author Posted June 26, 2005 Shy, I am 25 and my bf is 27. I was not trying to turn this into a "my boyfriend doesn't hang out with me" issue. The truth is, both of us work alot. Usually 60 or more hours a week. Plus our scheduels are very different. So it is a rare occation that both of us have the same day off. He does tend to see his friends more than he sees me but only because I am working when he sees them. My problem is I wish he would consider how I feel before making decisions. He tends to assume that I will be okay with going with the flow. We do spend time alone together but it is usually after a LONG day at work and we are both tired and cranky. So I guess I just like quality alone time. I normally don't mind hanging out with his or my friends. It is the principal of him not consulting with me privately before talking with his friends. Does that make sense?
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