CrazyGem Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 So I'm having conflict with myself about my ex that I'm still continuing to deal with. I genuinely love this dude but he's so confusing. He has bipolar and severe abandonment issues along with trust. It's been a year and some change now. Around our 6 month mark, we started to have problems where WAY more truth came out. I lied about my past due to selfishness but that's my choice and I'm not against his emotions or hurt about it. He does a lot of game playing. One day it's I love you and sh*t will get better then when he randomly gets me mad its he doesn't want to deal with this or he needs space. Always something ridiculous. Sometimes I feed into it, sometimes I don't because how childish can we get, honesty lol. I don't know if I should start taking his words a lot more literal. We are always together, always on the phone, always going out. Everything I want or need him to do, he does it to some extent..he definitely has continued to be a supporter.. Lol trying to give too much credit. Sometimes I just can't tell, whether it's him overthinking or he really means it when he tells me things like we will never be again. In the beginning he told me, his intentions was to keep casual but that changed. Through time, he ended up asking me to be his girlfriend. Guys, I don't know what to do. The longest we went without speaking is 3 weeks when we separated. But his confusion is making me confused. One day he will say another and two days later, he talking about something else. I don't know, actions speak louder than words and I feel he has been genuine and completely honest since the beginning. But the confusing behavior. Btw* I haven't cut off sexual relations but he complains he's not a sex toy. Smh. I don't know what to do with him. I feel so vulnerable and dependent on him and I shouldn't. I just don't want my feelings to be clouding my better judgment. He always wants to push me away and that's what he's use too.what to do ??? 1
bummer Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Do you see a future if nothing changes and the confusion and push pull behaviour continues? Do you enjoy the drama and uncertainty? Do you feel you can help him overcome these issues? If yes, really understand that you are risking your own sanity each day you persist. Have you had past relationships which were healthy and less confusing? If yes, is this guy really so special you can't take some time to grieve and eventually find someone else who doesn't breakup and make-up all the time? 1
Author CrazyGem Posted June 12, 2016 Author Posted June 12, 2016 Bummer, I want to help him & can but we can only help those that want to be helped. He says he wants the help. I've had past relationships and they were based on lies, not even healthy either. He is the first person I got the closest too..so far ever. I'm trying gain some courage and finally stick up for myself. Confusing oh my. Those questions helped. I gotta think about myself more. 1
Zahara Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Bummer, I want to help him & can but we can only help those that want to be helped. He says he wants the help. I've had past relationships and they were based on lies, not even healthy either. He is the first person I got the closest too..so far ever. I'm trying gain some courage and finally stick up for myself. Confusing oh my. Those questions helped. I gotta think about myself more. People who focus on "helping" others often do that because they're avoidant of their own issues. Time to look at yourself. If anyone needs help, it's you. There's a reason why you have had a history of bad relationships. 3
BaileyB Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 You can't help him. You can never change someone else. You can only ever work on yourself and it sounds like you have a few things you need to learn/work out too... 3
random5thave Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Amazing. There's never even been one post here where you guys will ask op to work or help the other person in the relationship... Always advocating for break ups. I see why most of you have been in so many break ups. But you don't stop there. You ask others to break their own too. Amazing! 1
Author CrazyGem Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 Amazing. There's never even been one post here where you guys will ask op to work or help the other person in the relationship... Always advocating for break ups. I see why most of you have been in so many break ups. But you don't stop there. You ask others to break their own too. Amazing! I like your response lol. 1
Author CrazyGem Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 People who focus on "helping" others often do that because they're avoidant of their own issues. Time to look at yourself. If anyone needs help, it's you. There's a reason why you have had a history of bad relationships. Lol haha, nah those relationships were just childish. But It is true that people are very avoidant of their own. I learned that in this situation, wasn't aware of some of them but thank you for the words. 1
Satu Posted June 15, 2016 Posted June 15, 2016 He's confused and you're co-dependent. So you know your issues. Get thee to therapy
Author CrazyGem Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 He's confused and you're co-dependent. So you know your issues. Get thee to therapy Lol thank you. I go to it time to time! 1
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