Souldier1234 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) Dear ones… Where do I begin? First and foremost, this is not a sad and pitiful thread. If this is what you seek, try the next thread. This thread is for those that feel lost and are seeking to awaken & empower themselves. This thread is for those who are tired at failing, tired of seeking the Holy Grail to love, life and our daily relationships. This is for those that seek or are living with a purposeful life and not only for sex, power, imaginative realities & distractions that Hollywood, “Reality TV” & Gossip Magazines sell to us on a daily. I am here to pimp a caterpillar that will soon be a butterfly (I will make sense of that last sentence later). I shall now go back to my ex and our interaction. We dated in high school and sometime after, she was my first “love” and the first girl to break my heart. She taught me hurt in a way I never knew was possible, the pain and suffering that comes with emotionally deep heartbreaks. She treated me so cruelly towards the end of that relationship, saying she found someone better than me. All because this new person had a job, some money to throw around and a car. I cried a river, built a bridge and got over it. Now after 6 years, having had moved on with my life after that experience, she sent me a long message via Facebook, apologizing for how she treated me 6 years back. I told her I forgave her a long time ago, and did not give her any attention after that as I felt we were both unenlightened and unconscious of our behaviors. 12 years later, she sends me a text beginning of this year, stating how she would like to just catch up tell me her life’s story. She starts by saying how she never dated anyone after me, except this man with whom she has a baby with, but states that they are no longer together. She is in therapy for her troubles, and has accepted that she is a single parent. I commend her on her growth and search for independence, but sensing that she is not self-aware but looking to boost her self-esteem and ego, she sells herself to me as victim, and as someone who is pure and not of a sexual deviant. She later judges me by stating how she’s only slept with 2 people in her entire life, but because I dated and slept with more than 2 people in my life I am therefore promiscuous. I politely turn her back handed insults into humor & try to cut the conversation short as I sense that we have no rapport & have grown apart. She randomly sends me half naked photos of her, and with shock and confusion I awkwardly tell her I have a girlfriend, and that I am not about my old life of cheating, having sex buddy relationships and meaning less dating. Before I can share my experiences and life’s stories of my journey, and purposeful interactions, she curses me and cuts the conversation. I again move on with my life. Today (after 12 years and a few months), the same ex sends me another text. Having had my heart broken from my last relationship, (which I posted on here), and having had grown and valued self-respect and self-love, she asks me if I can come over to have sex. As much as we are two consenting adults, I told her this is sudden, as I was busy and had not spoken to her for a few months and before that, I had not spoken to her for 6-12 years. Later on I ask her why she had asked me to be her “sex friend” and where is her daughter. She states that her daughter is with her father, with whom she stated earlier that she is no longer with, and was feeling lonely. As I was initiating my attempts to try to explain to her that I valued her as more than just a “sex friend”, and tried to explain to her how I don’t value these dysfunctional relationships anymore, but with humor this time. She dismisses my conscientious input and states that this was an experiment, as she had not slept with anyone after her split with her father’s child and wanted to play it safe with me. She again turns reactive towards me and explains how her self-esteem took a knock and how hurt she is and cut the conversation again. And again today I am moving on. Can you see a pattern emerging here…? Can you see how unaware, and not thought out this is? Can you see how she wants to pull me into her unconscious programming? What is she learning from therapy? Why will sex cure her loneliness and how will it enrich my life? How will an orgasm, of which I have no guarantee if it will be satisfying, enrich me financially or intellectually? In fact, I would be losing, and it would cost me immensely to invest in a meaningless one night stand, with someone I once loved, valued and cried over 12 years ago. Is there power in this? And if so, in this power struggle, who is winning and who must lose? Who has bragging rights? Is there even a “right” to brag? Why have we rapidly grown to live for quick fixes and temporary pleasures that we have lost the sense to stop and smell the roses? Yes, breaks up and losing people can be the most devastating, painful, destructive aspect in anyone’s life. And they are messy and complicated. But we must remember that the most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. Not your personality but your character. The pain and suffering we experience is stress that we bring into our own lives. We can’t change the people we get involved with, but we can change ourselves, our behaviors, our way of thinking. OUR WAY OF LIFE! Stress is caused by being “here” in the present but wanting to be “there” in the future. It’s a split that tears you apart inside. But you cannot love or like yourself if you don’t know yourself, if you cannot control yourself and don’t have mastery over yourself. Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundations of good relationships with others, but real self-respect comes from dominion over one’s self. Please don’t not define yourself from you past or think the future will save you. You have real salvation and it is within you now. Do not wait to be happy or wait to find peace in your life. Waiting is a state of mind. It basically means that you want the future and don’t want to live happy in the present. You don’t want what you have, but instead, you want what you haven’t got. And all you have in this life is YOU! Appreciate everything you have now. From your health, to you family, to the purpose of your life. Do not feel as if you have lost a soul mate forever. Life is full of soul mates. Some come as family members and friends. Love yours! (In reference to my earlier statement of pimping a butterfly I will share the poem below in hopes that you will understand the meaning in your life) To Pimp a Butterfly by Kendrick Lamar “The caterpillar is a prisoner to the streets that conceived it Its only job is to eat or consume everything around it, in order to protect itself from this mad city While consuming its environment the caterpillar begins to notice ways to survive One thing it noticed is how much the world shuns him, but praises the butterfly The butterfly represents the talent, the thoughtfulness, and the beauty within the caterpillar But having a harsh outlook on life the caterpillar sees the butterfly as weak and figures out a way to pimp it to his own benefits Already surrounded by this mad city the caterpillar goes to work on the cocoon which institutionalizes him He can no longer see past his own thoughts He’s trapped When trapped inside these walls certain ideas take roots, such as going home, and bringing back new concepts to this mad city The result? Wings begin to emerge, breaking the cycle of feeling stagnant Finally free, the butterfly sheds light on situations that the caterpillar never considered, ending the internal struggle Although the butterfly and caterpillar are completely different, they are one and the same." Take Care Dear Ones Edited June 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language ~T 2
bummer Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 We can’t change the people we get involved with, but we can change ourselves, our behaviors, our way of thinking. OUR WAY OF LIFE! Stress is caused by being “here” in the present but wanting to be “there” in the future. It’s a split that tears you apart inside. But you cannot love or like yourself if you don’t know yourself, if you cannot control yourself and don’t have mastery over yourself. Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundations of good relationships with others, but real self-respect comes from dominion over one’s self. I think knowing where I want to go and what I wished I had is stressful. I wish I had a ltr with a future of marriage. This stress is painful but hopefully a motivation to fix myself and get ready for the next one when I am truly ready and the time is right. Sounds like unlike you, your ex is consumed by the past and isn't looking forward at all? 2
Author Souldier1234 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Posted June 12, 2016 (edited) Exactly Bummer, a lot of people are looking for quick fixes and are looking for things to change outside of themselves and then they always wonder why things don't work out for them. A lot like my ex. She is very much stuck in the past and in her own world and nothing I say or do will fix or change our past or the dysfunctional relationship she thinks we have now. I remember how much I loved a this girl and cried tears night and day. She meant everything to me. Now, a few years later, we cant even have a meaningful conversation let alone a light hearted fun one. I know a lot of people wont see or care to understand the message I am bringing to light. Because I am not preaching power and manipulation tactics to get or keep your ex, or dramatically preaching NC and ignoring someone you once valued and loved. But life has to bring this pain to light so we can remove and let these feelings die, in order for new feelings and new relationships to form in our hearts. Just like the seasons. In order for us to appreciate spring, we need winter in our lives or else nothing will grow, we wont grow. Edited June 12, 2016 by Souldier1234
JollyDays Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Exactly Bummer, a lot of people are looking for quick fixes and are looking for things to change outside of themselves and then they always wonder why things don't work out for them. A lot like my ex. She is very much stuck in the past and in her own world and nothing I say or do will fix or change our past or the dysfunctional relationship she thinks we have now. I remember how much I loved a this girl and cried tears night and day. She meant everything to me. Now, a few years later, we cant even have a meaningful conversation let alone a light hearted fun one. I know a lot of people wont see or care to understand the message I am bringing to light. Because I am not preaching power and manipulation tactics to get or keep your ex, or dramatically preaching NC and ignoring someone you once valued and loved. But life has to bring this pain to light so we can remove and let these feelings die, in order for new feelings and new relationships to form in our hearts. Just like the seasons. In order for us to appreciate spring, we need winter in our lives or else nothing will grow, we wont grow. BINGO! Sometimes we have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow. I cried my ever loving ass off in another time and place for an ex-gf when she broke up with when I was younger (early 2000s), so I can relate to your story. She, too, was a hardened manipulator who contacted me for a few years post-breakup whenever she had shyt going on negatively in her life. Funny how she only contacted me when crap was happening to her. But it took years to realize she only did what I allowed her to get away with and that my low self-esteem, coupled with my emotional investment in an artficial reality led me to my circumstances. Glad you saw the light. I wish more people on LS could see it (and your msg) as well. 1
Author Souldier1234 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Posted June 15, 2016 Sometimes we have to go through the storm to get to the rainbowI truly agree with you statement Dear JollyDays. Some have even forgotten what a rainbow looks like because they are constantly choosing to facing the storm. Too many people I have seen believe the lies their minds tell them. They believe every negative situation and thought their minds tell them. They don't know how to stop thinking or learn how to control their minds and use it as tool. It is the win lose mentality that we live with in society that has killed the ability to see our own greatness. Most people have been deeply scripted in the win-lose mentality since birth. Win-lose people are prone to use position, credentials, possessions, or personality to get their way. And when they don't get their way, they feel defeated, powerless, lost without a sense of purpose. Certainly there is a place for win-lose thinking in truly competitive and low trust situations. But most of life is not a competition, We don't have to live each day competing with our spouse, our children, our co-workers, our neighbors, and our friends. "Who's winning in you marriage?" is a ridiculous question. If both people aren't winning, then both people are losing. Most of life is an interdependent reality and not an independent reality.... and definitely not a "TV reality" Take care Dear Ones 1
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