Weird tinder conversation

[joseb]

Yeah OP, sorry but if someone did that to me id either think it was some kind of weird "test" or else they didn't have their **** together. If I had other options, I'd probably drop you too. I bet if this happened to you in reverse, you would drop the guy as well.

[Lois_Griffin]

This whole thing just sounds like a huge flesh circus. A bunch of people playing a game of musical chairs.

 

Jesus, if this is what 'dating' has been reduced to - a bunch of strangers rating each others' appearance and acting as though meeting for coffee for 20 minutes is a HUGE sacrifice and a precious waste of their OH SO VALUABLE TIME, then I feel sorry for ya'll.

 

None of these people are serious about making a real connection. It just sounds like they'll meet someone if they find them attractive, invest some of their OH SO PRECIOUS TIME into a couple of dates with that person in the hopes of getting laid by date two or three - and then they're off to the next conquest.

 

What would these fools have done 20 years ago - before smart phones and computers and iPads and everything else? They would have had to actually MEET people when they were out and about, talking to them face to face and getting phone numbers and calling them and getting to know them - the way people have always done for years.

 

The most effort these idiots make now is swiping to the left or right.

 

OP, I feel your pain. Sorry you're stuck in the idiot pool.

[Shining One]

Jesus, if this is what 'dating' has been reduced to - a bunch of strangers rating each others' appearance and acting as though meeting for coffee for 20 minutes is a HUGE sacrifice and a precious waste of their OH SO VALUABLE TIME, then I feel sorry for ya'll.

In your dating days, did you go out on 20 minute coffee dates with every single man who asked you out? I imagine you did not. You were selective based on criteria that were important to you at the time in question. This is just people being selective with criteria that are important to them.

[joseb]

 

What would these fools have done 20 years ago - before smart phones and computers and iPads and everything else? They would have had to actually MEET people when they were out and about, talking to them face to face and getting phone numbers and calling them and getting to know them - the way people have always done for years.

 

Yeah exactly - so they would have known if they were interested /attracted or not straight off This isn't the case with online dating, because you have not seen the person in the flesh, and that is why one needs photos in order to see if someone might be worth meeting ... I'm not sure what your point is - is it not to do online dating?

[salparadise]

This whole thing just sounds like a huge flesh circus. A bunch of people playing a game of musical chairs.

 

Well, yea. That's what it is––that's what you're signing up for. You get to judge a whole bunch of people superficially in rapid-fire sequence, and the price of admission is that you will also be judged that way.

 

Ah, but expectations differ don't they?

 

The average man swipes right for every woman who isn't dog ugly, understanding that maybe one in fifty will swipe right on him and make a match... whereas women are highly discriminating, maybe swiping right on one in fifty. Of course women judge eighty percent of men as being below average, and even then they aren't the least bit interested in average. They're all swiping the same two percent. Those guys are the tinder kings and they get the pick of the litter. They have way too many options to waste time tippy toeing around a woman's sensitivities when the next possibility is merely a swipe away. They're like Elvis.

 

This runs counter to what women want, and believe they deserve. Women are socialized to think of themselves as the prize, to expect suitors to line up for a chance to date them, and for any man to be humble and appreciative if she gives them a nod. Women want to do the judging without being judged - their acceptance should be presumed. The rule is, women are the choosers.

 

This still works on Tinder the same as in real life or the more traditional dating sites... for the other ninety-eight percent. Ladies, if you only swipe right on a few of the most beautiful men on the app, you need to understand that you will NOT be in control of the subsequent interaction. They will judge you - because they can. Just like you judge the other ninety eight percent.

 

And yes, the odds are that a women with only tight face shots, and maybe a high angle boob shot, are fat. Or at least insecure about revealing their shape. Women who are thin and toned will have several full body pics... sometimes with no closeup of their face, and we also know what that means.

 

I don't mean for this to be offensive, it's just how it is. I'm sure it looks different from the female perspective, and I'm open to hearing it.

[Jabron1]

The entitled 'princess' attitude is strong in this thread.

 

 

Jesus, if this is what 'dating' has been reduced to - a bunch of strangers rating each others' appearance and acting as though meeting for coffee for 20 minutes is a HUGE sacrifice and a precious waste of their OH SO VALUABLE TIME, then I feel sorry for ya'll.

 

Nobody owes you anything.

 

None of these people are serious about making a real connection. It just sounds like they'll meet someone if they find them attractive, invest some of their OH SO PRECIOUS TIME into a couple of dates with that person in the hopes of getting laid by date two or three - and then they're off to the next conquest.

 

Everyone has an agenda of some sort (OP included).

 

OP, I feel your pain. Sorry you're stuck in the idiot pool.

 

She's the one that keeps making it weird.

 

She just got confused spinning plates, and mixed two guys up

[kendahke]

HIM: I mean I'd like to see what you look like now. I have plans tonight.

ME: I look the same but I need to get more photos taken. This is feeling a little weird. Maybe we shouldn't meet

 

Do you know how many people say that but that isn't the case? I've met someone online who had pictures of themselves from clearly years ago and what they looked like now in person is a completely different thing. I don't think he is wrong in telling you he'd like to see some full body pics of your now

 

In OLD, having recent photos is important if you don't want to come across looking as if you have something to hide because you're using old pictures, despite how you may feel about it.

 

 

So can I but his approach was tactless.

 

I think telling the guy that he was strange because you don't have recent body shot photos of you and that you shouldn't meet just because he asked you for recent pictures was a bit rude. I'd have said "I can take a really cheesy bathroom mirror shot right now for you if you'd like". It was only feeling weird because you, as a stranger, was asking him to take your word for something and he doesn't know you well enough to do that.

 

I would have done the same thing he did. Sorry.

 

Yeah, this is on you.

[kendahke]

Whenever I decide to give OLD a try, I always make sure I have recent pictures--even if they're "in the full length mirror" selfies--before I reactivate my account.

 

I also say very plainly and clearly at the top of my profile that I am not a size 0-never had a baby-supermodel with a flat stomach and no hips and if that's what they're after, they need to keep on with their search--I ain't that one. That will weed out anyone who is stuck on that criteria before they message me and disappoint themselves because they didn't read the profile. But still, you'd be surprised at how many people don't bother reading profiles--they just look at pictures and begin building their construct around that.

[Cablebandit]

Guys are tired of wasting time and money on bait and switch women.

[insert_name]

The entitled 'princess' attitude is strong in this thread.

 

 

 

 

Nobody owes you anything.

 

 

 

Everyone has an agenda of some sort (OP included).

 

 

She's the one that keeps making it weird.

 

She just got confused spinning plates, and mixed two guys up

 

Yep, the common denominator with all these 'weird' people is OP.

 

Coincidence?

[Jabron1]

Yep, the common denominator with all these 'weird' people is OP.

 

Coincidence?

 

The post regarding the conversation about mistaken identity was so bad, that I thought she was joking. That's the level of delusion here.

 

All I can say at this point is that I hope she's a knockout 10, or else she's going to continue getting reality checks.

[insert_name]

The post regarding the conversation about mistaken identity was so bad, that I thought she was joking. That's the level of delusion here.

 

All I can say at this point is that I hope she's a knockout 10, or else she's going to continue getting reality checks.

 

Yeah I would gently suggest to OP that there is a real lack of self-awareness and responsibility going on here.

 

You can't get someone from OLDs name wrong and then expect to rescue the situation, that is really insulting. But not even accepting you made an error and then passing it off onto the other person by calling THEM weird?! Wow, take it on the chin- you messed up and it is all on you.

[Lorenza]

I kinda understand why guys on OLD are a bit suspicious. There are countless tutorials on Youtube for girls on camera angles that make them look thinner, all kinds of "power of makeup" tags that transforms women into completely different people using shading, highlight etc. Yes, women have a right to look how they want without owing an explanation to men, but these tricks still are deceptive, especially on OLD. I completely justify a wish to know how the person looks for real, without all the hocus pocus. Heck, I myself was worried and had sweaty palms before a date with a guy I made a wonderful connection on Tinder with (my current bf!), fearing he would not look as good as in pictures! And was soooo relieved he did! It's normal, though I think it's still good not to treat people as items you're about to order

 

I had a story with a deceptive guy. Spent the whole summer (!!) chatting with him. I was about to move to another country and wanted to meet a nice guy to date. This guy shared a lot of pictures, some of them - whole body shots, standing, sitting. Wasn't a charmer, but his sweetness made it up for me.

I finally moved and set up a date with him. In a theme park. Imagine my horror when he smsed me 5 min prior the set time: "Hope you don't mind, I have a little handicap". Then I see him - sitting in a wheelchair, among people running around riding rollercoaster. I felt sick. Not because I have something against disabled guys, but because I felt so deceived. Tried my best to make the...date...friendly and not awkward, but how could I? It felt awful.

 

Apparently he was able to stand and even walk for a few minutes while holding into smth, that's how he was able to take those "normal" looking pictures. He was the same sweet person, but I have a right to not choose a disabled boyfriend, don't I?? At least not disabled by default.

 

We remained friends, even though he kept his hopes up for a while. But I have to admit I was angry inside, feeling that I've wasted a whole summer on someone I would not want to date. I could have spent that time on someone else.

[SwordofFlame]

What is with these dudes.

 

Here's another conversation I just had. I was messaging with two other guys on Tinder. Both asked for my numbers and wanted to meet.

 

The first guy messaged me and I accidentally confused him with the other dude.

 

Here's our convo:

 

HIM: [MY NAME]! It's [HIS NAME] from the internet

 

ME: Hey [HIS NAME]. So your name isn't [HIS TINDER HANDLE, which sounded fake]?

 

ME: (a minute later) Oops, wrong person, sorry! Hi [HIS NAME].

 

He doesn't respond. An hour later I write:

 

ME: Sorry about that, I hope you're not terribly offended

 

HIM: LMAO not offended but kind of turned off. Also you live in NYC and I live in NJ. Have a good one.

 

-----

 

Why are these guys so defensive and weird? Confusing the names when you get a new message from an unrecognized number is an honest mistake that I'm sure happens all the time with Tinder. Do guys expect you to be only dating them when they're a complete stranger you've never met?

 

I almost feel like the guy in these scenarios, where the smallest hiccup and they drop you rudely.

 

It's just weird because I did online dating in the past and don't remember encountering so many weirdos.

 

I would get the impression that you're dating so many different men that you can't even get your facts right with each individual guy. I would pass on you for that reason.

[TooLegitToQuit]

What is with these dudes.

 

Here's another conversation I just had. I was messaging with two other guys on Tinder. Both asked for my numbers and wanted to meet.

 

The first guy messaged me and I accidentally confused him with the other dude.

 

Here's our convo:

 

HIM: [MY NAME]! It's [HIS NAME] from the internet

 

ME: Hey [HIS NAME]. So your name isn't [HIS TINDER HANDLE, which sounded fake]?

 

ME: (a minute later) Oops, wrong person, sorry! Hi [HIS NAME].

 

He doesn't respond. An hour later I write:

 

ME: Sorry about that, I hope you're not terribly offended

 

HIM: LMAO not offended but kind of turned off. Also you live in NYC and I live in NJ. Have a good one.

 

-----

 

Why are these guys so defensive and weird? Confusing the names when you get a new message from an unrecognized number is an honest mistake that I'm sure happens all the time with Tinder. Do guys expect you to be only dating them when they're a complete stranger you've never met?

 

I almost feel like the guy in these scenarios, where the smallest hiccup and they drop you rudely.

 

It's just weird because I did online dating in the past and don't remember encountering so many weirdos.

 

Um, yeah. His reaction of thanks but no thanks after you got him confused w someone else was precisely how I and any other self-respecting PERSON would have acted.

 

If someone doesn't even stand out enough for you to remember who they are amongst all the people you're talking to, then there really is no point to explore things further.

 

The only thing that is so surprising to me, is that his reaction is so surprising to you.

Edited June 13, 2016 by TooLegitToQuit

[Eternal Sunshine]

Weird tinder files:

 

I chatted with this guy for a few days and we met up for a drink. He looked nothing like his photos and after 30 minutes I said that I have a headache and needed to go home.

 

He doesn't get a hint and proceeds to message me over the next week constantly. He tells me how he could tell that I felt the chemistry, how he could see it in my eyes and the way I smiled etc etc (FYI I was planning on leaving ASAP and was thinking of excuses when we chatted for 30 minutes over drink).

 

I send him one final message telling him that I am not interested in pursuing this further. He continues to message me on and off for the next few weeks. He also found my work email, FB and linkedin and was messaging me across every media. He messages turned from complimentary to nasty fast.

 

Today:

 

Him: You deserve no one, I can't beleive you have been ignoring me for weeks. Yuck. You are disgusting and you make me sick! Nothing good should ever happen to people like you.

 

Him: I hope you pay for this.

 

Him: I forgave you faking a headache and you still reject me?

 

Him: You still act like a teenegar. Oh look at me I am a special princess!

 

[Leigh 87]

Weird tinder files:

 

I chatted with this guy for a few days and we met up for a drink. He looked nothing like his photos and after 30 minutes I said that I have a headache and needed to go home.

 

He doesn't get a hint and proceeds to message me over the next week constantly. He tells me how he could tell that I felt the chemistry, how he could see it in my eyes and the way I smiled etc etc (FYI I was planning on leaving ASAP and was thinking of excuses when we chatted for 30 minutes over drink).

 

I send him one final message telling him that I am not interested in pursuing this further. He continues to message me on and off for the next few weeks. He also found my work email, FB and linkedin and was messaging me across every media. He messages turned from complimentary to nasty fast.

 

Today:

 

 

Him: You deserve no one, I can't beleive you have been ignoring me for weeks. Yuck. You are disgusting and you make me sick! Nothing good should ever happen to people like you.

 

Him: I hope you pay for this.

 

Him: I forgave you faking a headache and you still reject me?

 

Him: You still act like a teenegar. Oh look at me I am a special princess!

 

 

 

I have had a few of those

 

 

 

The sad thing is..a couple of them didn't even meet me.

 

 

When I politely refused to meet them, I was met with " well, your body is mediocore at best sweetie. Nice A cups, you may be slim but good luck affording the boob job!

 

( I am a DD FYI...).

 

One guy who met me also got his mates to abuse me. He tried to get his agressive cage fighting mate to meet me so that he could throw eggs at me. I am not even shtting you. They posted my picture online so that they could get people to coment on how " unattractive" I was. Many of their mates popped by and asked if I had a facial deformity.

 

Of course, the guy in question never confronted me. Got his mates to abuse and harras me for the simple fact that I didn't feel a spark.

 

He was mortified that a girl he deemed " nothing special" rejected him.

 

I will never go online again if my current relationship ends.

 

[joseb]

Weird tinder files:

 

I chatted with this guy for a few days and we met up for a drink. He looked nothing like his photos and after 30 minutes I said that I have a headache and needed to go home.

 

He doesn't get a hint and proceeds to message me over the next week constantly. He tells me how he could tell that I felt the chemistry, how he could see it in my eyes and the way I smiled etc etc (FYI I was planning on leaving ASAP and was thinking of excuses when we chatted for 30 minutes over drink).

 

I send him one final message telling him that I am not interested in pursuing this further. He continues to message me on and off for the next few weeks. He also found my work email, FB and linkedin and was messaging me across every media. He messages turned from complimentary to nasty fast.

 

Today:

 

Him: You deserve no one, I can't beleive you have been ignoring me for weeks. Yuck. You are disgusting and you make me sick! Nothing good should ever happen to people like you.

 

Him: I hope you pay for this.

 

Him: I forgave you faking a headache and you still reject me?

 

Him: You still act like a teenegar. Oh look at me I am a special princess!

 

 

Wow!!

 

Some people are just wacko.

 

The last one sent me 50ish text messages after I told her I didnt want to pursue it, spread out over a week.

[tuxedo cat]

I have had a few of those

 

 

 

The sad thing is..a couple of them didn't even meet me.

 

 

When I politely refused to meet them, I was met with " well, your body is mediocore at best sweetie. Nice A cups, you may be slim but good luck affording the boob job!

 

( I am a DD FYI...).

 

One guy who met me also got his mates to abuse me. He tried to get his agressive cage fighting mate to meet me so that he could throw eggs at me. I am not even shtting you. They posted my picture online so that they could get people to coment on how " unattractive" I was. Many of their mates popped by and asked if I had a facial deformity.

 

Of course, the guy in question never confronted me. Got his mates to abuse and harras me for the simple fact that I didn't feel a spark.

 

He was mortified that a girl he deemed " nothing special" rejected him.

 

I will never go online again if my current relationship ends.

 

 

That's really sick. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[Haydn]

Tux,

 

I think i have read all of this right.

 

You contacted him after 6 months?

 

And he turned you down?

 

I dunno why you are surprised?

 

But he asked for more pics...

 

Think he felt it was chance for a bit of payback.

[salparadise]

I had a story with a deceptive guy.

 

Spent the whole summer (!!) chatting with him... Imagine my horror when he smsed me 5 min prior the set time: "Hope you don't mind, I have a little handicap". Then I see him - sitting in a wheelchair...

 

And that, my dear, is why you don't spend months, or a whole summer, messaging someone. As if 300+ messages constitutes some kind of guarantee.

 

Not because I have something against disabled guys, but because I felt so deceived. Tried my best to make the...date...friendly and not awkward, but how could I? It felt awful.

 

No, of course you don't have anything against a disabled guy... you're not prejudiced or anything, you can be polite and respectful, as long as they know their place and don't start thinking that they might have a shot at mixing their genes with yours.

 

He was the same sweet person, but I have a right to not choose a disabled boyfriend, don't I?? At least not disabled by default.

 

Absolutely. Women are nature's genetic optimizers–– they are the ones who get to choose. Them's da rules.

 

We remained friends, even though he kept his hopes up for a while. But I have to admit I was angry inside, feeling that I've wasted a whole summer on someone I would not want to date. I could have spent that time on someone else.

 

Interesting indeed! You chose NOT to discard him out of hand. Since you had built a rapport and had some investment, and he was a sweet person, your conscience just couldn't justify a quick, clean exorcism. Your predisposition for optimizing was in conflict with your compassionate nature. You had cognitive dissonance over this dilemma. So you chose the charitable thing and allowed him indulge the fantasy of being able to mate with a normal, healthy female... while the anger and resentment festered. How egalitarian!

 

Sweetie, you have to get this altruistic predilection separated from your genetic optimizer. Everyone deserves compassion, unless they're looking at you as a vehicle for propagating genetic material, in which case you give no quarter. Keep it separate, keep it clean.

[Lorenza]

And that, my dear, is why you don't spend months, or a whole summer, messaging someone. As if 300+ messages constitutes some kind of guarantee.

 

Sweetheart, I was a teenage girl about to move to a foreign country. You can go back in time and give this great advice to the little virgin me, who had never been on a date.

 

 

No, of course you don't have anything against a disabled guy... you're not prejudiced or anything, you can be polite and respectful, as long as they know their place and don't start thinking that they might have a shot at mixing their genes with yours.

 

There's nothing I love more than a passive agressive tone. It's like a breeze of fresh wind. How dare I not want a partner who won't be able to keep up with my lifestyle and have sex with me.

 

Absolutely. Women are nature's genetic optimizers–– they are the ones who get to choose. Them's da rules.

 

Oh no, I think that we should not be able to choose. To hell with preferences. Should just date the first guy who wants us. That's what would be kind and moral.

 

Interesting indeed! You chose NOT to discard him out of hand. Since you had built a rapport and had some investment, and he was a sweet person, your conscience just couldn't justify a quick, clean exorcism. Your predisposition for optimizing was in conflict with your compassionate nature. You had cognitive dissonance over this dilemma. So you chose the charitable thing and allowed him indulge the fantasy of being able to mate with a normal, healthy female... while the anger and resentment festered. How egalitarian!

 

Yeah, you are right. There is no chance that someone would just want to be friends with someone they don't view as a potential partner but still like their personality. No no no, that's just charity. But giving him a chance to date me despite me realizing he would never suit my needs wouldn't be charity. Cause to hell with sex and active life. Oh and he mated with a healthy female some months after we met and stayed friends. Someone who had different preferances. And we're still friends 8 years after and im best friends with his wife, isn't it the ultimate altruism?

 

Sweetie, you have to get this altruistic predilection separated from your genetic optimizer. Everyone deserves compassion, unless they're looking at you as a vehicle for propagating genetic material, in which case you give no quarter. Keep it separate, keep it clean.

 

My sweet pumpkin pie (ridiculious, right? Just as ridiculuos as calling a stranger sweety etc, just to belittle them), your post reeks of passive agression. Is this a hurtful topic? Do you think it's wrong for a romantic 19 year old wanting to have a happy strong bf to travel around the new country with? Is it not ok for you to dismiss someone you are not attracted to due to a major disability but still keep contact cause they're so nice? Especially not having a single friend yet?

[Felltoohard]

To me he had to decide whether he was going to see you or someone else that day. So he was trying to decide which one of the two had the best body.

I know how you feel, they texted me some weird things too. And you didn't overreact, in my opinion. Just be yourself. It's full of people that only want hookups on there, but keep trying as long as you feel like it to match with someone that doesn't. Cause there are some on there.

Best of luck to you!

[LookAtThisPOst]

Some guys just collect photos but I agree that both body and face shots are needed. I think they get suspicious when only face shots are present.

 

I have to say I was almost taken in by one, his face shots with hindsight were ... um... strategic. We then friended on facebook and I could see that he was massive.

 

So yeah, happens, I'd want to know what he looks like before I met him.

 

HOWEVER, there are ways to ask and this guy sounded like a complete a**hole.

 

Right, and someone can gain weight pretty quickly in 6 months, too. I've seen it happen with women.

 

The funny thing is, some of these women who didn't respond to my emails...who were thin an attractive years ago are still online and saw that now they currently gained a hefty amount of weight and I thought, "Wow, that was a bullet dodged!" lol

 

Sadly, they still mentally think they are hot and don't have the awareness have being unappealing overweight and still think they are has hot and probably thin as they were months ago.

[karena70]

Tuxedo, I read through some of your other threads about relationships and jobs and such. And I think this one is really on you. You think too much and expect too much. It's a very common thing these days. It's not good to overanalyze everything.