smackie9 Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Hm. If he had just directly asked me - Hey, mind if I see some body shots? I wouldn't have been put off but the way he asked was weird, insisting on seeing something more current than a few months old, saying he couldn't tell if he was attracted to me and saying he was going to block me. I just found it tacky and socially clueless. There are ways of being sensitive with such requests. people will post stuff from 6 years ago and pawn it off as current....obviously he has been duped a few times by people posting misleading pics. I can't blame him and you shouldn't take offense. It's way too easy to mislead/catfish etc people on the net. He is just getting the bs out of the way. Some swear by Skyping first before even meeting someone just to make sure.
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Obviously you are getting different perspectives here....If you don't like this guy's approach all you have to do is block/delete move on...end of.
katiegrl Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 people will post stuff from 6 years ago and pawn it off as current....obviously he has been duped a few times by people posting misleading pics. I can't blame him and you shouldn't take offense. It's way too easy to mislead/catfish etc people on the net. He is just getting the bs out of the way. Some swear by Skyping first before even meeting someone just to make sure. Make sure of what? God forbid he meets her for a 15 minute coffee and she is 10 pounds overweight. Oh the horror.... It's 15 freakin minutes....have a coffee and politely excuse yourself, geez. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 I would have blocked him too. One guy asked me for a first thing in the morning, no make up selfie. Sure dude I think he was rude and meeting up with you for 30 minutes to find out if he is attracted in person wouldn't have killed him. 2
NIGHT1985 Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Make sure of what? God forbid he meets her for a 15 minute coffee and she is 10 pounds overweight. Oh the horror.... It's 15 freakin minutes....have a coffee and politely excuse yourself, geez. I don't want my time wasted because someone can't upload a current pic. For god sakes everyone has a smart phone at this point. I've been on too many dates where women used old photos, it's extremely misleading and disrespectful, imo. 3
joseb Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 I think he got overly defensive when you called the conversation weird. So maybe you did dodge a bullet. On the other hand, calling someone weird is a bit inflammatory. And after you accepted him on Facebook and he messaged you, you ignored his message. He didn't know you were seeing anyone. So I can see why maybe he was more likely to think you were messing him about. And it takes 30 seconds to take a pic on your phone. He likely wanted a better pic, eg one that wasn't just your face, but didn't want to seem shallow and right out ask for a body shot. My guess is he's been burnt a few too many times. OP, yes you definitely are missing out on some matches by not having a decent body shot. Without one, guys will assume the worst. Even if you were a little overweight, it's better to include one. No need to delete your account. Take one now and upload it 4
Jabron1 Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Seems to me like he's now got options that perhaps he didn't have then, and is being very picky. To be fair, calling him 'strange' because of his lack of interest was provocative. You could/should have just moved straight on, but I think your pride was probably a bit hurt. How we handle rejection is important. Personally, I don't think name calling is the way to go at all. 5
katiegrl Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 I don't want my time wasted because someone can't upload a current pic. For god sakes everyone has a smart phone at this point. I've been on too many dates where women used old photos, it's extremely misleading and disrespectful, imo. LOL @ old photos.... her photos were six months old for heaven's sake.. Whatever, I am not that shallow. And it's 15 minutes out of your oh so busy life... and she may just be a knock out anyway. But he will never know now will he. All because she didn't have a full body shot or have a photo more recent than six months uploaded. And no not everyone has a smart phone. Anyway.... I wouldn't have made such a huge deal about it..... imo it was rude. Just me. Not to mention he didn't demand a full body shot the first time around. OP dodged a bullet .. To each his own though.
xxoo Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Bullet dodged. But it does make for a good story! He's not sure if he's attracted, sheesh. 1
longjohn Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 The request for body shots is quite reasonable however he could have asked in a different way. Too many of us guys have been burnt by a pretty face or a top down shot only to arrive on a date with a later that's not quite what was seen in the pictures. I've no doubt men have to do something similar.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 The request for body shots is quite reasonable however he could have asked in a different way. Too many of us guys have been burnt by a pretty face or a top down shot only to arrive on a date with a later that's not quite what was seen in the pictures. I've no doubt men have to do something similar. So have women. I met an obese guy with a cute face shot only, a guy that used pics from around 10 years ago, a guy that had blurry pics and looked much worse in person... Yet I have never and will never ask for additional pics..
longjohn Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 So have women. I met an obese guy with a cute face shot only, a guy that used pics from around 10 years ago, a guy that had blurry pics and looked much worse in person... Yet I have never and will never ask for additional pics.. You need to or expect to waste more of your time. My time is limited I'd rather get right down to business and see what's on offer vs a fuzzy version. Then I've wasted time meeting the person, having a coffee and then telling them NO. I'd rather tell them NO and not waste their time and mine.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 You need to or expect to waste more of your time. My time is limited I'd rather get right down to business and see what's on offer vs a fuzzy version. Then I've wasted time meeting the person, having a coffee and then telling them NO. I'd rather tell them NO and not waste their time and mine. Then move along to someone who has a body shot and pics clarity to your satisfaction. IMHO you waste more time on stalking someone to add them to FB and then going through the awkwardness of asking for more pics...I don't see how going for coffee is not easier.
Ophelia27 Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 You only have 4 pictures? And in thise six months you never took a selfie or were in any pictures your friends took? You can easily take a full body picture with your phone in front of a mirror. I don't know if you have ever seen the show catfish but having only 4 pictures you keep resending is suspicious. They could be old face pics and you could have gained a lot of weight since then, or the pictures could be foubd on the internet and the reason it's only four is because they can't find more of the same girl. Especially you wanting to call it off the moment he asked for a new picture would be considered a red flag. 3
Author tuxedo cat Posted June 12, 2016 Author Posted June 12, 2016 My issue is if you're really on the fence or suspicious of someone then why message them to begin with? There are enough other options in a big city that you can just move on. Or if you do feel the need to request additional photos then do so in a nice way. I remember once asking a guy how tall he was before he met because he looked like he might be significantly shorter than me but I felt bad about asking and did so in a very unapologetic and sensitive way with humor. Even though he wasn't offended I regretted it later. I can't imagine saying to a guy "I can't tell if I'm attracted to you or not." But different styles I guess... Btw the irony is the guy from my OP was using exactly the same old photos in his profile as well as on FB. 1
coolheadal Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Going by your first post, yes this is odd one at best. No matter what you got a player stalking you a bit trying to get to you by facebook. Tinder app I've been using it just a bunch of cold photo shots so impersonal way of meeting someone. Anyway you have learned a lesson here about how these type of men go about themselves. Sure he wanted you full look so he can see you for what you are. Your lucky it wasn't worst. Just make sure you text and get to know the person first as much as you can. Before more on to the next level.
Shining One Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 I've had a couple women ask me to send them a recent photo before meeting up. I've never been offended by the request or considered them weird. I think it's a good precaution for both men and women. To my knowledge, none of the dating sites or FaceBook preserve EXIF data. Thus, you have no idea how old the pictures are. However, if someone sends you a picture directly (without editing it), then the EXIF data is preserved.
Jabron1 Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 (edited) My issue is if you're really on the fence or suspicious of someone then why message them to begin with? There are enough other options in a big city that you can just move on. Or if you do feel the need to request additional photos then do so in a nice way. I remember once asking a guy how tall he was before he met because he looked like he might be significantly shorter than me but I felt bad about asking and did so in a very unapologetic and sensitive way with humor. Even though he wasn't offended I regretted it later. I can't imagine saying to a guy "I can't tell if I'm attracted to you or not." But different styles I guess... Btw the irony is the guy from my OP was using exactly the same old photos in his profile as well as on FB. You seem completely unaware of your own actions. You sent out a feeler after six months. You ditched him the first time around when you met another guy. Then you get arsey when he doesn't jump at the chance to date you. An entitlement attitude can be a good thing. But not when it cuts you off from understanding your own behaviours. If I got stroppy with every girl that rejects me, I'd be getting into a lot of bad situations. When I started cold approaching women, I made a point to try and leave each interaction with good vibes - no matter what. You feel crappy right now, and it's your own fault. Accept that, and learn from it. Edited June 12, 2016 by Jabron1 2
Author tuxedo cat Posted June 13, 2016 Author Posted June 13, 2016 (edited) What is with these dudes. Here's another conversation I just had. I was messaging with two other guys on Tinder. Both asked for my numbers and wanted to meet. The first guy messaged me and I accidentally confused him with the other dude. Here's our convo: HIM: [MY NAME]! It's [HIS NAME] from the internet ME: Hey [HIS NAME]. So your name isn't [HIS TINDER HANDLE, which sounded fake]? ME: (a minute later) Oops, wrong person, sorry! Hi [HIS NAME]. He doesn't respond. An hour later I write: ME: Sorry about that, I hope you're not terribly offended HIM: LMAO not offended but kind of turned off. Also you live in NYC and I live in NJ. Have a good one. ----- Why are these guys so defensive and weird? Confusing the names when you get a new message from an unrecognized number is an honest mistake that I'm sure happens all the time with Tinder. Do guys expect you to be only dating them when they're a complete stranger you've never met? I almost feel like the guy in these scenarios, where the smallest hiccup and they drop you rudely. It's just weird because I did online dating in the past and don't remember encountering so many weirdos. Edited June 13, 2016 by tuxedo cat
mortensorchid Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 (edited) I connected with one guy on Tinder who asked to see a recent photo of me. I said I had one and sent him one of me. It was winter, I was bundled up and wearing my winter coat and scarf, and he said to me once receiving it "You're not comfortable with your body. Good luck." I said "Good luck?" He said if I wasn't comfortable with my body he wasn't going to see us going anywhere. I texted back "Well love makes you fat, doesn't it?" Not comfortable with my body ... If he only knew I've modeled naked in art classes, what would he say then? Forget about him as I did about this douche. Move on. Edited June 13, 2016 by mortensorchid Additional comments 1
campeo Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 Why are these guys so defensive and weird? Confusing the names when you get a new message from an unrecognized number is an honest mistake that I'm sure happens all the time with Tinder. Do guys expect you to be only dating them when they're a complete stranger you've never met? I almost feel like the guy in these scenarios, where the smallest hiccup and they drop you rudely. This guy wasn't rude. No, I don't expect someone to be dating only me. I know they are dating and talking to other men. However, I expect them to have their **** together and not confuse me with another person. Sure, it's a small mistake. But have you ever been out with someone who says "which one are you again?" I want to feel like there is something about me that stood out and that a woman is interested in me specifically rather than just having a date for Tuesday night. If I give a woman my number and she texts me mistaking me for someone else I will assume she's not serious in making a connection and doesn't have her **** together, because it's pretty damn easy to add me to your contacts as "Joe from Tinder." 2
SE185 Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I have a female friend who gained 20 lbs in six months. Anything is possible. And in my OLD days, I have been duped by the camera angle selfies, only for the female to be out of shape and obese. Most people don't want to waste their time.
juniorrocha Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 This guy wasn't rude. No, I don't expect someone to be dating only me. I know they are dating and talking to other men. However, I expect them to have their **** together and not confuse me with another person. Sure, it's a small mistake. But have you ever been out with someone who says "which one are you again?" I want to feel like there is something about me that stood out and that a woman is interested in me specifically rather than just having a date for Tuesday night. If I give a woman my number and she texts me mistaking me for someone else I will assume she's not serious in making a connection and doesn't have her **** together, because it's pretty damn easy to add me to your contacts as "Joe from Tinder." In this case, he messaged her first and apparently she didn't have him added. She confused them. I can understand it being a turn off, but I wouldn't make it a deal breaker. Afterall everyone knows that everybody on Tinder is talking to a good number of people, so it's understandable - also considering this fact, it feels like a contest. You have to be the most flawless person or else they just block you since they have other 'participants' there.
Shining One Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 I almost feel like the guy in these scenarios, where the smallest hiccup and they drop you rudely.Interesting observation. You have to keep in mind that with multi-dating, the dating field is competitive for both men and women. Thus, a man with multiple prospects is willing to drop a woman when more promising women (from his perspective) are readily available. You'll see many threads on here where women are advised to "next" a guy for smallest slights, whether perceived or real. Why does it surprise you when some men do the same?
Recommended Posts