tuxedo cat Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) Six months ago I matched with a guy who seemed like a decent catch. He looked nice too based on his photos (he had a few cute ones with his puppy). He messaged me on the app but shortly after I disabled my account because I felt overwhelmed by the app. I had messaged him and a few other guys I was talking to that I was deleting my account and gave them my number if they wanted to continue the conversation. A few days after disabling my account I received a notification that he had added me as a friend on FB. I thought it was a little weird since I never gave him my last name and it isn't that easy to find me since my profile doesn't list my place of work either. But out of curiosity I accepted his friend request. I immediately got a message from him explaining that he hadn't caught my number before I disabled my account, giving me his number. I texted him and he never responded. A couple of weeks later I got another FACEBOOK message from him asking if I'd be free that week to meet. I didn't respond because I was already swing my ex. This was at the end of December. Recently I started dating again and remembered him. I thought what the hell and sent him a message on fb. Here's the conversation that followed. ME: Hey ----! Want the finally meet up? I just reinstalled tinder and think we matched again but can't find your profile. HIM: Hi. (Gives his phone #). Where in the city are you? ME: (Gives neighborhood) HIM: send me a current photo? ME: um sure, all I have are my profile photos. (I send him 4 photos from my tinder profile. I thought he was just trying to remember who I was). HIM: Oh yes I remember. Lol same 4 photos. ME: Ha yeah I just reinstalled my account so I haven't updated it but those photos are only six months old. That a problem? HIM: I mean I'd like to see what you look like now. I have plans tonight. ME: I look the same but I need to get more photos taken. This is feeling a little weird. Maybe we shouldn't meet. HIM: Ok. ME: Heh. You're strange. HIM: Why? Because I'm not sure if I'm attracted to you and wanted to see more photos. And since you've used the same photos and no body shots? Ok sure if that's weird I'm comfortable with that. Blocking you now. Anything else? ME: Please go ahead. Did I overreact here or did I dodge a bullet? Is this a typical online dating conversation? Maybe I'm too sensitive but I found the whole thing insulting. He's right about the body shots - I've been meaning to add some and I'm not intentionally hiding anything - I'm thin and in good shape - but just don't have any current full length photos. I have a friend who told me he'd take some this week. But I just found what he said off putting and tactless. Also if you're not sure whether you're attracted to a girls' photos why go through the trouble to stalk her on Google to find out her last name, add her on fb and ask to meet up? I guess it was just weird for me because he seemed like a nice, normal guy. Edited June 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 You say that he seemed like a nice, normal guy - based on what, exactly? You've never met and you barely spoke to him. The bottom line? It's Tinder. It really is just treated as a hook-up app for many people. Don't expect a lot of serious prospects there. He's certainly not one of them, anyway.
jay1983 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 He's a veteran, probably been down that road more than a handful of times with time wasters, trick angles and girls who hide their bodies. You were just the next girl who said the same thing he's heard too many times. 9
NIGHT1985 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I definitely need to see body shots before meeting. Too many people are misleading with photos, so I can see where he's coming from 3
Author tuxedo cat Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 I definitely need to see body shots before meeting. Too many people are misleading with photos, so I can see where he's coming from So can I but his approach was tactless.
Author tuxedo cat Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 He's a veteran, probably been down that road more than a handful of times with time wasters, trick angles and girls who hide their bodies. You were just the next girl who said the same thing he's heard too many times. Then why go out of the way to stalk me on fb and ask me to meet there?
NIGHT1985 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 He was probably checking your fb to see if you had more variety or updated pics. And I assume you didn't
Author tuxedo cat Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 Btw, do you guys think I should hide myself in discovery until I add some body shots? I'm concerned I'm burning through guys and missing out on better matches for that reason. It might explain why my matches seem to be so poor.
random5thave Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 He didn't do anything wrong in my opinion. You sent him the same old tinder pictures?! You shot yourself in the foot.
NIGHT1985 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 If you're photos are just a bunch of face selfies, definitely. The quality of your pics and profile go a long way in the online dating world, even on tinder.
smackie9 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Then why go out of the way to stalk me on fb and ask me to meet there? He did thought you were attractive, that's why he tracked you down. I bet money on it if you said lets meet (back then) he would have asked for body shots before making that decision to meet. Nothing would have been any different. Everyone has expectations and what they are attracted to. If you were a chubby wubby, why is he expected to accept that? I wouldn't find that insulting at all and I'm a woman. I would expect the same of him....This is just part of OLD..... 2
Author tuxedo cat Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 He didn't do anything wrong in my opinion. You sent him the same old tinder pictures?! You shot yourself in the foot. Why would I look any different 6 months later? Those are what I have right now.
TooLegitToQuit Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Sounds to me that you were the weird oversensitive one OP. He asked to see a body shot (which is quite a reasonable request) and for some reason you got spooked by that and shut him down. If you truly weren't comfortable why didn't you tell him that without shutting him down? Meanwhile, I don't see anyone getting far w Tinder without a body shot. Especially in NYC. Too many other options.
Author tuxedo cat Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) He did thought you were attractive, that's why he tracked you down. I bet money on it if you said lets meet (back then) he would have asked for body shots before making that decision to meet. Nothing would have been any different. Everyone has expectations and what they are attracted to. If you were a chubby wubby, why is he expected to accept that? I wouldn't find that insulting at all and I'm a woman. I would expect the same of him....This is just part of OLD..... Hm. If he had just directly asked me - Hey, mind if I see some body shots? I wouldn't have been put off but the way he asked was weird, insisting on seeing something more current than a few months old, saying he couldn't tell if he was attracted to me and saying he was going to block me. I just found it tacky and socially clueless. There are ways of being sensitive with such requests. Edited June 11, 2016 by tuxedo cat
TooLegitToQuit Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I went and reread the conversation. The messup looks to me to be all on you OP, sorry. It looks like people are pretty much unanimous here too in that opinion too. 1
Author tuxedo cat Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 Sounds to me that you were the weird oversensitive one OP. He asked to see a body shot (which is quite a reasonable request) and for some reason you got spooked by that and shut him down. If you truly weren't comfortable why didn't you tell him that without shutting him down? Meanwhile, I don't see anyone getting far w Tinder without a body shot. Especially in NYC. Too many other options. But he didn't ask for a body shot. He asked for pictures more recent than 6 months old which struck me as oddly obsessive. As I wrote above had he asked for a body shot from the start I wouldn't have been put off.
random5thave Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 But he didn't ask for a body shot. He asked for pictures more recent than 6 months old which struck me as oddly obsessive. As I wrote above had he asked for a body shot from the start I wouldn't have been put off. Are you chubby?
Author tuxedo cat Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 Are you chubby? Not at all... 5'6 and 119 lbs Now I feel like I probably missed out on all these better matches. I knew body pics were important but I guess I didn't realize how crucial they were. Should I delete my account until I get body pics?
BaileyB Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I can see why he would want to see pictures before meeting, but six months ago isn't unreasonable. And yes, i agree that they way he asked was not tactful and actually, very rude. He would not have made it through my initial screening process... I would say you dodged a bullet there. He sounds like a jerk! 5
Emilia Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Some guys just collect photos but I agree that both body and face shots are needed. I think they get suspicious when only face shots are present. I have to say I was almost taken in by one, his face shots with hindsight were ... um... strategic. We then friended on facebook and I could see that he was massive. So yeah, happens, I'd want to know what he looks like before I met him. HOWEVER, there are ways to ask and this guy sounded like a complete a**hole. 3
Tressugar Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I don't see where the OP did anything wrong. I hate when men ask for 20 pics and then nothing. Has anyone asked themselves where do all these pics go? Body shot or not, I'd want the person to accept me based on my convo and our connection via messages. There's obviously was physical connection btw OP and the creeper or he wouldn't have wasted his time talking to her. 1
hippychick3 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Eh, I think he was rude and you dodged a bullet. His approach was just arrogant and a bit patronizing. No loss, OP. I had plenty of dates with no body shots (and I am thin and fit as well). I did have a few guys ask me about that and if they were nice about it (which your guy wasn't), I would reassure them of my size before meeting. I just didn't have any body shots where I was alone. I did eventually get some and add to profile. But my point is that I still had plenty of dates and interest without them. 3
anika99 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Hm. If he had just directly asked me - Hey, mind if I see some body shots? I wouldn't have been put off but the way he asked was weird, insisting on seeing something more current than a few months old, saying he couldn't tell if he was attracted to me and saying he was going to block me. I just found it tacky and socially clueless. There are ways of being sensitive with such requests. Actually he didn't say most of that stuff until after you made a comment implying he was strange and took back your offer to meet with him. Had you simply asked him why he wanted a more recent pic or what he wanted a picture of without insulting him first you probably would have gotten a softer response 4
carhill Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Ha, ha, it's not like the guy is marrying sight unseen. If the interaction flows, including whatever images exist, a local meetup isn't the end of the world. People often appear quite different in real life anyway, regardless of 'body'. Since it appears the two people missed on the image perspective, IMO call it a miss instead of 'weird' and don't spend one more second on it. A few days after disabling my account I received a notification that he had added me as a friend on FB. I thought it was a little weird since I never gave him my last name and it isn't that easy to find me since my profile doesn't list my place of work either. But out of curiosity I accepted his friend request. I immediately got a message from him explaining that he hadn't caught my number before I disabled my account, giving me his number. I texted him and he never responded. ------- So, he hunted you down, gave you his number, you contacted him and he never responded nor contacted you on FB until a couple weeks later like nothing had happened. Here we are six months later and he's apparently still leasing space in your head. Kudos to him I guess for being that special. I don't see it but there it is.
morrowrd Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) I'm glad you didn't grace that [guy] with a date. Yep you dodged a bullet.... Blocking you now huh? They say, you can't hang up the phone when the line is dead. Be glad you're rid of him and find someone worth the time. He's obviously a selfish, self centered person, and so what if you were a little chubby. There are hot chubby women out there with no problem finding male attention. Find a man who will treat you right, we are out there. Edited June 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language
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