katiegrl Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 He definitely sounded undecided when I asked him about it. I even said 'I assume you must be dating others' (he asked ME for exclusivity) and he said 'I don't understand why you would think that?'. Well, when I said I thought he might be based on his distance recently - that's when he stopped responding. Even if he does come around, I put protecting my heart first! Definitely do not go back.... ghosting is weak no matter what his reasons... I was just providing another reason or explanation why he ghosted as opposed to formally ending it... In many cases the guy is ambivalent/unsure, and needs space but doesn't know how to tell the woman, as in many cases, HE was the one to push it! What is so uncanny is that in nearly every case I have heard of, it usually happen around the three month mark! I don't know what it is about three months but it happens so often, it can't be just a coincidence. 2
minimariah Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 In my instance, we have been seeing each other for nearly 3 months and have been ghosted. The problem with 'silence' is that it can be very ambiguous. Oh, it's been 3 days...have I been ghosted now? 4 days? 5? if you reach out more than once & you're sure he got it and he's STILL not responding? you've been ghosted. once you realize that - block him on all accounts and find closure on your own. many people ghost, with the way the today's society morals & manners wise has been set up... unfortunately, it's common. try to move on, he wasn't/isn't interested. 1
Lovezen_30 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 (edited) Definitely do not go back.... ghosting is weak no matter what his reasons... I was just providing another reason or explanation why he ghosted as opposed to formally ending it... In many cases the guy is ambivalent/unsure, and needs space but doesn't know how to tell the woman, as in many cases, HE was the one to push it! What is so uncanny is that in nearly every case I have heard of, it usually happen around the three month mark! I don't know what it is about three months but it happens so often, it can't be just a coincidence. When I got rid of the app we always speak on, it was going on day 4 of not hearing from him. Very unusual. And he majorly chased me, daily texts or calls, even right up until the ghosting. My theory RE the 3 month mark is that for some people, this is around the point that the chase is over and they start to lose interest. Because the chase is what thrills them. Or in seeing more of them, you decide they are not what you really want. Furthermore, his attitude changed when I began to ask for more than his lacklustre behaviour was offering. When we last saw each other, he planned a romantic date and apologised, saying 'I should have been more attentive lately.' Then ghosted. Edited June 18, 2016 by Lovezen_30 1
karena70 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Why not? Why do you not owe a person that you have had some kind of intimacy or relationship with an explanation? In my instance, we have been seeing each other for nearly 3 months and have been ghosted. The problem with 'silence' is that it can be very ambiguous. Oh, it's been 3 days...have I been ghosted now? 4 days? 5? It's a form of mental torture, whether you realise that or not: http://bit.ly/1QPPHLn. I understand now. It's because,for me, a couple of dates didn't involve intimacy. They were preliminary getting to know you. And no, it is NOT mental torture. Calling ghosting torture or abuse is, quite frnkly, insulting to people who have actually been through it.
MJJean Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Why not? Why do you not owe a person that you have had some kind of intimacy or relationship with an explanation? In my instance, we have been seeing each other for nearly 3 months and have been ghosted. The problem with 'silence' is that it can be very ambiguous. Oh, it's been 3 days...have I been ghosted now? 4 days? 5? It's a form of mental torture, whether you realise that or not: http://bit.ly/1QPPHLn. Why not? Well,from my POV, why would I? Just because I shared some form of intimacy with someone doesn't mean I owe them any more than they have already gotten. Silence isn't ambiguous. It means the other party isn't interested in further contact. It's also not mental torture. Not even close.
minimariah Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 Well,from my POV, why would I? because it's common decency + manners. and really, because there is no legit reason why you shouldn't do it. not sure why folks always bring the "i don't owe you this or that" argument - you actually RARELY do things SOLELY because you owe it to someone. we could argue that you owe some basic human respect to another human just because they're human, for that matter. "owing" has nothing to do with it. everyone is entitled and have the right to do what they want - and just like you have the right to ghost someone, the other side has the right to brand you a jacka*s for it. THAT is the part most ghosters don't get and actually get suuuuuuuper offended and go on loooong rants to explain just WHY are they ghosting people. it's kind of ironic - they're not capable of a single text but are more than capable to explain why they didn't do it in whole paragraphs. it's hilarious when you think about it. Silence isn't ambiguous. depends - if we're spending a lot of time together and we are in constant contact for a longer period of time and you suddenly stop calling me? i'm not going to assume you're ghosting me - i'll probably reach out once, twice MAX to see what's up because i'll probably be worried something had happened. i won't assume you're ghosting me because i've never been ghosted before, no one i know ghosts people so that kind of behavior is unknown to me. it's completely irrational. when i'm certain you've gotten my messages and are ignoring me, i will figure out that you don't want further contact. the point is - silence, especially a sudden one IS ambiguous. your silence can mean that you got hit by a truck in the meantime and are unable to call me, too. 1
Lovezen_30 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 because it's common decency + manners. and really, because there is no legit reason why you shouldn't do it. not sure why folks always bring the "i don't owe you this or that" argument - you actually RARELY do things SOLELY because you owe it to someone. we could argue that you owe some basic human respect to another human just because they're human, for that matter. "owing" has nothing to do with it. everyone is entitled and have the right to do what they want - and just like you have the right to ghost someone, the other side has the right to brand you a jacka*s for it. THAT is the part most ghosters don't get and actually get suuuuuuuper offended and go on loooong rants to explain just WHY are they ghosting people. it's kind of ironic - they're not capable of a single text but are more than capable to explain why they didn't do it in whole paragraphs. it's hilarious when you think about it. depends - if we're spending a lot of time together and we are in constant contact for a longer period of time and you suddenly stop calling me? i'm not going to assume you're ghosting me - i'll probably reach out once, twice MAX to see what's up because i'll probably be worried something had happened. i won't assume you're ghosting me because i've never been ghosted before, no one i know ghosts people so that kind of behavior is unknown to me. it's completely irrational. when i'm certain you've gotten my messages and are ignoring me, i will figure out that you don't want further contact. the point is - silence, especially a sudden one IS ambiguous. your silence can mean that you got hit by a truck in the meantime and are unable to call me, too. Unfortunately, basic manners are becoming less and less the norm. People have become very ME, MYSELF and I, and if I can't attain what direct benefit I would get from this action, why bother? And actually - I would argue that we do owe basic human respect to other human beings, ESPECIALLY those we have been close with. We all live on this planet together and life is hard enough without small, unkind acts that could have much larger emotional consequences (for the ghostee in this case). Well, exactly. For the most part my ghoster & I had been talking frequently up until he did this. The day before it started he had called me in the morning and then again on his lunch break, before I saw him that evening. Then silence. Just for the record - I once started seeing a guy & flipped because he didn't reply within the week. Well, it turned out he had died. Extreme case obviously, but the ghostee's FIRST reaction is generally 'are they ok??'. Have some empathy for other people.
Lovezen_30 Posted June 19, 2016 Posted June 19, 2016 (edited) Why not? Well,from my POV, why would I? Just because I shared some form of intimacy with someone doesn't mean I owe them any more than they have already gotten. Silence isn't ambiguous. It means the other party isn't interested in further contact. It's also not mental torture. Not even close. In relationships, the silent treatment is regarded by many psychologists as a form of abuse. SOME people - use 'ghosting' as a continuation of this type of silent treatment. Evidence has shown that the pain of rejection that comes from silent treatment lights up the same parts of the brain that is affected folowing physical abuse. Something to consider. Edited June 19, 2016 by Lovezen_30 1
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