Tressugar Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 What happens to the people who's ghosted on you. What consequences occur and does it come back to haunt them?
oasis Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I haven't spoken to my ghoster, since he ghosted me over 2 1/2 months ago. But with the passage of time, I am caring less and less about what is going on with him and have just left him to his own devices. It is the most self-respecting thing to do. 1
Author Tressugar Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 I understand. I was thinking since the ghoster probably becomes a ghostee (sp?) at some point in their journey... since the laws of balance apply to the fluidity of energies.
minimariah Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 I was thinking since the ghoster probably becomes a ghostee (sp?) at some point in their journey... since the laws of balance apply to the fluidity of energies. doubt it. i don't think they suffer any consequences and i don't think it EVER haunts them; they move on with their lives. we like to comfort ourselves with the "they'll pay for it" but in reality - it all comes down to luck. some pay, some don't. 4
Stage5Clinger Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 I ghost people frequently. It's because there are underlying problems between us that they are unfit to understand or I do not have the energy to explain to them why it's just so over -- or maybe I just need to hit the brakes really hard. Also, most people live outside of reality. If you hit them with the hard truth it can be confrontational in a non-productive way. It seems like it would be "closure" if you were ghosted but if the honest truth would be incredibly hurtful to say you may be thankful that you were ghosted instead... Honestly in my experience the person I ghosted knows deep down the reason it happened or at least should know it if they weren't in denial. 1
Lovezen_30 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 (edited) I ghost people frequently. It's because there are underlying problems between us that they are unfit to understand or I do not have the energy to explain to them why it's just so over -- or maybe I just need to hit the brakes really hard. Also, most people live outside of reality. If you hit them with the hard truth it can be confrontational in a non-productive way. It seems like it would be "closure" if you were ghosted but if the honest truth would be incredibly hurtful to say you may be thankful that you were ghosted instead... Honestly in my experience the person I ghosted knows deep down the reason it happened or at least should know it if they weren't in denial. You may benefit from watching this video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKu3_gsR8GU. Why are they unfit to understand? Are the people you date that stupid? I'm sure I'm being ghosted. Been seeing each other for 2 months & during the last date, he planned a romantic meal, set the ambience etc. He opened up to me for the first time about his strict family background etc. I feel he was quite vulnerable with me and took it as a compliment. The next day he went on a trip to visit family, called me from the airport sounding fine, and after that, BAM, everything changes. He came back & didn't contact me, until I initiated. Eventually, feeling his distance, I asked him about it. Said everything is fine between us (but no plans for another date). He apologised & denied ignoring me, offering me some BS about his internet being disconnected when I'd repeatedly seen him online. Why do people seem to assume the ghostee can't handle the confrontation? I told this guy, I'm not going to be angry or upset, if you don't want to date anymore just let me know so I can move on to other dates. He denied wanting to stop dating and then ignored me again! A "Sorry, I'm just not interested in taking things further' or whatever would've been fine. Closure is better for me personally. And, I think, for most people. Edited June 16, 2016 by Lovezen_30 1
smudge21 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I think ghosting comes from lack of respect. You don't respect them, you don't care, they simply mean so little to you that you just turn your back on them for good. We all do it occasionally, even in small doses to people who we sometimes just don't want to speak to. It's funny my recent "issue" ghosted on me, after we'd talked about how ghosting is such a low disrepectful thing to do. People are just odd and unpredicatable, but as soon as they ghost, the best thing to do is make sure they're definitely buried in your heart and mind... and never look back. 2
Lovezen_30 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I think ghosting comes from lack of respect. You don't respect them, you don't care, they simply mean so little to you that you just turn your back on them for good. We all do it occasionally, even in small doses to people who we sometimes just don't want to speak to. It's funny my recent "issue" ghosted on me, after we'd talked about how ghosting is such a low disrepectful thing to do. People are just odd and unpredicatable, but as soon as they ghost, the best thing to do is make sure they're definitely buried in your heart and mind... and never look back. so ridiculous! I agree, the lack of respect is awful. The fact I spent intimate time with someone who never respected me is difficult to reconcile. Because the times together felt real, you think - was it an act the whole time? The last time I saw my guy he was more caring and sweet than usual. Maybe guilt because he knew what he was going to do?
Toodaloo Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Huh? How on earth would I know what happens to them? If they ghost they ghost I don't go around stalking them. I have no idea what goes on. I have ghosted and I am perfectly find and happy thanks... I only ever ghost when I think the chap is going to get overly emotional either begging like a baby or aggressive. There will be something in their behaviour that makes me think they will do this. Does anyone else now have the tune to Ghost Busters going round in their heads? 1
smudge21 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Does anyone else now have the tune to Ghost Busters going round in their heads? I didn't until I read that... now all I can see is Ray Parker Jnr in his onesie.
Toodaloo Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I didn't until I read that... now all I can see is Ray Parker Jnr in his onesie. I ain't afraid of no ghost... ba da ba da ba da bu ba ba dada.... I am Zoool..... mwah ha ha! 1
karena70 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 They don't need some kind of grand moral consequences. Before technology, ghosting meant "I am no longer interested." That is what it means now. We didn't get some kind of big closure. They just stopped calling, It happens. Nobody who took you on 3 dates "owes" you an explanation. Period. Ghosting is a made up term borne of over-analytical entitlement. Just move on. 1
Lovezen_30 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 They don't need some kind of grand moral consequences. Before technology, ghosting meant "I am no longer interested." That is what it means now. We didn't get some kind of big closure. They just stopped calling, It happens. Nobody who took you on 3 dates "owes" you an explanation. Period. Ghosting is a made up term borne of over-analytical entitlement. Just move on. But what if it hasn't been 3 dates...but several months, or years even? Do those people not deserve an explanation? 1
karena70 Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 But what if it hasn't been 3 dates...but several months, or years even? Do those people not deserve an explanation? Oh absolutely. That is a relstionship. Disappearing from a relationship is just crap behavior. But a couple of dates or a week of talking online? No. That is not a relationship. No justification required.
Lady Hamilton Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 I always assumed if it has been a few dates or something casual, no formal "this is over" discussion needed to be had. That's just life. I did it, I had it done to me... It's a casual relationship. No explanation required. As to what happened to the people who ghosted me... I have no clue. I never followed up with them. Generally if they stopped calling, we had mutual disinterest in each other and I didn't care to get a "why." I once, I guess, ghosted a guy I was with about 8 or 9 months and practically lived with. I was young, he was a jerk, and I'm pretty sure he was cheating on me. He stopped coming home at night or would call me drunk from a club and was a real jerk about my career at the time. So I packed up my stuff and saw how long it'd take for him to call. That's the longest relationship I apparently "ghosted" and I dont feel particularly bad about it, nor did anything "happen" as a result. 1
minimariah Posted June 16, 2016 Posted June 16, 2016 Ghosting is a made up term borne of over-analytical entitlement. i define ghosting as disappearing; meaning... you date someone, decide that you don't want to date them anymore + stop calling, reaching out. BUT you also reject any calls from the dumped person, block them on everything and you pretty much act like the person does not exist. THAT's what ghosting is to me = disappearing without a word, blocking and preventing the other person to react & contact. i think of dumping someone as a basic life task - something as easy as breathing, especially with all the ways to do it now... so if you aren't capable of at least responding to the person's text and shooting them a simple "IT'S OVER!" - you most definitely have a problem. i personally don't feel entitled to anyone's time & explanation but if you ghost - i will certainly feel entitled to brand you a childish jacka** stuck on 8th grade level. 2
karena70 Posted June 17, 2016 Posted June 17, 2016 i define ghosting as disappearing; meaning... you date someone, decide that you don't want to date them anymore + stop calling, reaching out. BUT you also reject any calls from the dumped person, block them on everything and you pretty much act like the person does not exist. THAT's what ghosting is to me = disappearing without a word, blocking and preventing the other person to react & contact. i think of dumping someone as a basic life task - something as easy as breathing, especially with all the ways to do it now... so if you aren't capable of at least responding to the person's text and shooting them a simple "IT'S OVER!" - you most definitely have a problem. i personally don't feel entitled to anyone's time & explanation but if you ghost - i will certainly feel entitled to brand you a childish jacka** stuck on 8th grade level. Getting this upset about it after months of dating makes perfect sense. Getting this upset about it after 2 or 3 dates (or sometimes before people have even met) seems....out of proportion and silly. I have noticed that most of the time when I see someone go on and on about how awful the person they had three dates with is for not calling anymore and not answering texts, these are the same people who tend to be a bit awkward, to feel somewhat entitled to perfection, and who - if you DO try to let them down - react with sarcasm, name-calling, or try to negotiate with you to stay in it. THAT is why most people ghost. Because they know the person they are ghosting is probably going to be a jerk about it if they are up front. 1
minimariah Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 ....out of proportion and silly. why...? disappearing without a word after a few dates is one thing but THEN - ignoring the person & blocking them when they ask for an explanation or when they ask for another date IS rude. why is it silly to be offended when a person is being RUDE to you...? nothing irks people more than being ignored, they'll be way more upset about that than being straight up rejected. THAT is why most people ghost. i disagree - most people ghost because they're very entitled + conflict avoidant folks... i've learned it's a MAJOR character flaw; when you ghost someone after a few dates... and the other side is okay with it - no harm done. cool, understandable. not talking about that. but when they reach out, want to meet up again and you keep blocking and ignoring them instead of letting them know you're not interested in ONE text...? that's... odd. IF they react badly & are jerks about it - you can always block and ignore them just like you planned to do the first time. the "i knew they would react badly & would never stop with the questions + will try to convince me to change my mind" is a typical cop out because you cannot possibly know that in two or three dates with a person (unless you notice they're unnaturally violent and aggressive) - ESPECIALLY if you have a serial ghoster who does that all the time; why do they keep dating folks who can't handle being rejected? 1
stillafool Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 What happens to the people who's ghosted on you. What consequences occur and does it come back to haunt them? I doubt anything happens to them because if they ghosted you it's because they no longer want to be involved. They're over it when they go ghost.
MJJean Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 For me, ghosting someone has always been because I simply had nothing to say to them. Literally, nothing. I don't owe anyone an explanation and I never did understand why someone, once ghosted, would keep attempting contact. What, because my silence wasn't enough of a clue that I had nothing left to say?
karena70 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 For me, the real entitlement is expecting some big closure pow wow over a non relationship. If I text you 2 or 3 times and you don't answer, I have my answer, and while it may sting, it really ISN'T the end of the world. I think this is a "people under a certain age" thing. Those of us who dated before obsessive contact and technology aren't as uptight about it. 1
Lovezen_30 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 why...? disappearing without a word after a few dates is one thing but THEN - ignoring the person & blocking them when they ask for an explanation or when they ask for another date IS rude. why is it silly to be offended when a person is being RUDE to you...? nothing irks people more than being ignored, they'll be way more upset about that than being straight up rejected. i disagree - most people ghost because they're very entitled + conflict avoidant folks... i've learned it's a MAJOR character flaw; when you ghost someone after a few dates... and the other side is okay with it - no harm done. cool, understandable. not talking about that. but when they reach out, want to meet up again and you keep blocking and ignoring them instead of letting them know you're not interested in ONE text...? that's... odd. IF they react badly & are jerks about it - you can always block and ignore them just like you planned to do the first time. the "i knew they would react badly & would never stop with the questions + will try to convince me to change my mind" is a typical cop out because you cannot possibly know that in two or three dates with a person (unless you notice they're unnaturally violent and aggressive) - ESPECIALLY if you have a serial ghoster who does that all the time; why do they keep dating folks who can't handle being rejected? I agree with your perspective, minimariah. I feel like people who say people that get ghosted are the ones that would react badly anyway are just trying to relieve themselves of blame. I have just been ghosted over the past week and I told the guy I wasn't angry or upset, I would just like an answer so I can move on to other dates. If he had given me one answer, I would have wished him well and moved on.
Lovezen_30 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 For me, ghosting someone has always been because I simply had nothing to say to them. Literally, nothing. I don't owe anyone an explanation and I never did understand why someone, once ghosted, would keep attempting contact. What, because my silence wasn't enough of a clue that I had nothing left to say? Why not? Why do you not owe a person that you have had some kind of intimacy or relationship with an explanation? In my instance, we have been seeing each other for nearly 3 months and have been ghosted. The problem with 'silence' is that it can be very ambiguous. Oh, it's been 3 days...have I been ghosted now? 4 days? 5? It's a form of mental torture, whether you realise that or not: http://bit.ly/1QPPHLn.
katiegrl Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 Why not? Why do you not owe a person that you have had some kind of intimacy or relationship with an explanation? In my instance, we have been seeing each other for nearly 3 months and have been ghosted. The problem with 'silence' is that it can be very ambiguous. Oh, it's been 3 days...have I been ghosted now? 4 days? 5? It's a form of mental torture, whether you realise that or not: http://bit.ly/1QPPHLn. I think he ghosted, as opposed to making a clean break. .... to leave the door OPEN should he ever want to contact you and go out with u again down the road.... My guess is he got involved with another women, and will contact you later if it does not work out. Many women have posted how some guy who ghosted them called them months later! One guy called her two years later after ghosting... It leaves the door open... Formally ending it makes it more difficult to return later should he have a change of heart.. 1
Lovezen_30 Posted June 18, 2016 Posted June 18, 2016 (edited) I think he ghosted, as opposed to making a clean break. .... to leave the door OPEN should he ever want to contact you and go out with u again down the road.... My guess is he got involved with another women, and will contact you later if it does not work out. Many women have posted how some guy who ghosted them called them months later! One guy called her two years later after ghosting... It leaves the door open... Formally ending it makes it more difficult to return later should he have a change of heart.. He definitely sounded undecided when I asked him about it. I even said 'I assume you must be dating others' (he asked ME for exclusivity) and he said 'I don't understand why you would think that?'. Well, when I said I thought he might be based on his distance recently - that's when he stopped responding. Even if he does come around, I put protecting my heart first! Edited June 18, 2016 by Lovezen_30
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