Does My Ex Want Me Back?

[EvilChicobo]

I'm new here, but here it goes!

 

I have been dating this girl who i love more than anything for almost a year, recently, about 3 weeks ago she broke up with me. Her reasoning was that she wasn't sure what she wanted, she was very depressed about herself. She wanted to be on her own and experience life, and possibly date other people. Although the dating was over, she still wanted to stay friends with me. Naturally it's been hard for me, I still love her, I always have. We used to talk about one day being together, possibly getting married. I know she probably got scared of the commitment as she's young (19 and I'm 22) things probably got too serious for her.

 

 

I keep contact with her, recently I would just talk very little to her, trying to stay strong, showing her that I can still live without her. I've been being very positive, though, I will admit I have my good days and my bad days, I miss her greatly. A few days ago she started talking to me, asking me if I had been talking to any new girls. I told her I had but nothing was really coming from it, I wasn't ready to date yet. I also had told her my friends keep wanting to set me up on dates as well. She seemed to get a little jealous, and frequently would ask me who I'm talking to, who I'm writing E-mails to. She started telling me that we should go see some movies together, work out together, and she also wants me to come visit her while she's in England for a year (yes I forgot to mention in the fall she's moving to England for a year to be an Au pair [nanny] and I'm moving to California. She eventually wants to move out there too) she's also mentioned moving in with me as my roomate when she comes to cali to go to school. She's also calling me more frequently now, yet I don't know if she is simply just missing me, is wanting me back, or is just playing with me.

 

The other day I went to see a movie with her and had a drink. When I came over she was very happy to see me, and she spent a very long time just trying to get ready to go out. So while we're out I notice that she touches me a lot (poking at me while she talks, pulling my hand) and during the movie she would sit veyr close to me, brush agaisnt me a lot, and lean in very close to talk to me. There were so many times I just wanted to kiss her but I resisted as best I could.

 

After words she took me into Bath and Body works and had me help her pick out some things lol. She would also comment on how sweet, cute, and handsome she thought I was quite frequently. later we went out with her brother to the mall. She needed to get some clothes but she didn't get anything but I waited a good hour while she tried clothes on. Later we grabbed dinner and rented some movies. Again she would lightly brush against me while sitting by me.

 

After that we all sat around talking about stuff it was late and normally if we were dating I would just spend the night with her. I said "well it's late, I should probably get going" and right when I said that she hops up and says "I need to get something out of my car". I knew it was an excuse to walk out with me. So she comes out with me and I told her I had a great time, she says the same. And I gave her a hug and went on my way.

 

Sorry for the long narrative but I had to set the stage for the question lol

 

I love her so much, it's hard to want to tell her so badly how you feel for her still but try your best to remain the strong guy. At times I feel like she was just trying to be friendly. Does it sound at all like she wants me back? Or is she just simply missing me? I know at one point she told me that she was having fun again with me, that in our msot recent dating she would feel very tense and stressed. She also would show signs of jealousy, like if my phone rang she had to know who was calling me and what they wanted, she's never done this before. I miss her, and I naturally want her back. Maybe I just have high hopes.

 

Should I remain strong and take things slowly? Or should I talk to her and see if she really does want me back and could the relationship work out again. I'm just very confused right now, and if I'm being played with then I know the best thing is to just break off and tie up any loose ends. It's not fair for me to befriend someone I know I'm always going to have deep feelings for. So, let me hear your thoughts

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

aww i just have to say aww to this.. lol

 

The other day I went to see a movie with her and had a drink. When I came over she was very happy to see me, and she spent a very long time just trying to get ready to go out. So while we're out I notice that she touches me a lot (poking at me while she talks, pulling my hand) and during the movie she would sit veyr close to me, brush agaisnt me a lot, and lean in very close to talk to me. There were so many times I just wanted to kiss her but I resisted as best I could.

 

lol thats so cute.. well yes keep being strong and hang in there yake things slow.. she needs her time and to me it seems as if shes missing u .. shes wanting to see you and spend time with you and talk to you.. of course shes missing you because you have been through alot together of course she misses spending her time with you..

 

sometimes we think that what we have too much or too good and we cant handle it so we let it go and when that happens after we see its gone we regret it and we realise what we had and how we should have stayed with what we had...we realise that we made a mistake..

 

you know my cousin she got engaged from her bf of 4 months.. lol yea shes 15 hes her age also.. she got scared of that type of commitment and so she broke things off with him.. she loved him but didnt know of she was ready for that.. she got back with him that same night lol.. but they broke up 2days later lol ahah yea its funny .. well he was wanting her back and he cried for her alot she was confused and so he was like you know what w/e happens happens if she wants to come bck she will but if she doesnt o well.. so he got tired of waiting i guess and then she wanted to go back but this time he wasnt there for her this time he was the one confused .. she regret so much how she behaved..

 

it was practically her fault now he is with some one else and she is still loving him...she wishes she could turn back time and had stayed with the ring but no.. life isnt like that ..it was too late for regreting she lost her chance and now she has to deal with it..

 

well the reason for telling you this is because ur ex she misses you and she is regreting leeving you.. mayb she wants you back but she wants to be sure..look sometimes different is not always better.. mayb she wanted something different but it wasnt what she wanted..

 

well i hope helped and good luck aii take care pc ^_^

[EvilChicobo]

Do you think we have a chance at all of getting back together? I mean how should I go about things? Let her start all the conversations? Should I keep my feelings in or when is it good to tell her how I feel? I just don't want to screw up and make things a mess. I've dated before, and I can honestly say I've never loved anyone more than I love her.

[shygurl]

Hi there,

 

I think she does miss you....and I think she's just enjoying being "with you" but without all of the pressure of being in relationship, at least for now. So just remain your usual nice, sweet, thoughful self........but just play it cool, don't kiss her, as hard as it is not to. Sometimes when people are younger, a serious relationship can be a little overwhelming....it can all feel too serious, like they're some old married couple when in fact they have never even really dated before that relationship. Just continue to hang out with her, keep it casual. She is the one who ended things so let her be the one to speak up about how she's feeling and where her head and heart are at. It could also be that she's already feeling sad about how she'll be gone to England for a year and thought that breaking up with you would save her a lot of heartache down the road.......of being apart for a whole year.

[westernxer]

Just wait 'til you find out she has a new boyfriend... then you'll really be sorry you hung out together.

[EvilChicobo]

What makes you think she has a boyfriend already? I'm pretty sure she doesn't

[westernxer]

Not saying she does, but she did say she wanted to date other people, right?

 

Don't put all your eggs in one basket, that's all I'm saying. Better start dating other people as well. Right now you're making it too easy for her to walk all over you.

 

Not the first time someone's posted a thread like this...

 

By the way, you can hang out and hug all you want. Still doesn't mean anything if you're just friends, considering that you used to be so much more.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

EvilChicobo

 

 

Do you think we have a chance at all of getting back together? I mean how should I go about things? Let her start all the conversations? Should I keep my feelings in or when is it good to tell her how I feel? I just don't want to screw up and make things a mess. I've dated before, and I can honestly say I've never loved anyone more than I love her.

 

well i cant tell u straight up that u guys have achance of getting back toguether because i dont know exactly whats going on in her head...its like actions speak louder than words...she may think something and do something else..she might miss u and feel for you still but she might not want to get back.. i mean i dont know..but just hang in there dont tell her your feelings yet beacuse she might want to back away a little after you tell her...and dont give her a cold shoulder either because you might end up chasing her away thinking you are not interested anymore...

 

if you guys have those moments where its like romantic and you want to kiss her and look into her eyes.. i mean dont kiss her but show that u care but dont tell her atleast not yet...after things get more serious where you see things getting closer to both of you getting back together..give it time dont rush into things...only time will tell...

[westernxer]

Originally posted by Da_1_n_OnlyN3na

if you guys have those moments where its like romantic and you want to kiss her and look into her eyes.. i mean dont kiss her but show that u care but dont tell her atleast not yet...after things get more serious where you see things getting closer to both of you getting back together..give it time dont rush into things...only time will tell...

 

I think I understand where you're getting at, but it's usually more effective to show that you don't care. It's even better to not hang out with her.

 

Never fails...

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

hmm yea its tru but i meant it like if there was a time where he saw her and was with her.. but the best thing is not trying to be there like make yourself disapear like yea exactly what westernxersaid its better to not show you care...lol but i mean show a little... ok youre a guyyou are weak when theres a girl trying to jump on you lol so like if she tries to kiss you try to stop it from happening or if it does U stop it dont let it get further than that because that shows that you are still waiting..and no thats not good...be like no this isnt right or w/e i should go home or sumthing you know?

[EvilChicobo]

Originally posted by Da_1_n_OnlyN3na

hmm yea its tru but i meant it like if there was a time where he saw her and was with her.. but the best thing is not trying to be there like make yourself disapear like yea exactly what westernxersaid its better to not show you care...lol but i mean show a little... ok youre a guyyou are weak when theres a girl trying to jump on you lol so like if she tries to kiss you try to stop it from happening or if it does U stop it dont let it get further than that because that shows that you are still waiting..and no thats not good...be like no this isnt right or w/e i should go home or sumthing you know?

 

Ok huh?? Sorry that just confused me a bit lol. So I should basically try not to show any feelings for her? Like if she does try to kiss me I should push her away? is that what you're saying? I mean.. if she does kiss me, that's what I would want isn't it? To know she wants me back? Exactly how long should I be playing hard to get??

[scared shy]

westernxer

 

 

 

but it's usually more effective to show that you don't care. It's even better to not hang out with her.

 

Never fails...

 

Does this work for females as well? And why is it more effective to act like you don't care to the one you love? It's totally contradicting. Don't get me wrong I agree, when the guy I like ignores me it makes me race right back to him... but would it work if I ignored him. And what if the original poster ignored his ex, will she think he is moving on and cut her losses if she is moving away for a year anyhow?

[westernxer]

Originally posted by scared*shy

westernxer

Does this work for females as well? And why is it more effective to act like you don't care to the one you love? It's totally contradicting. Don't get me wrong I agree, when the guy I like ignores me it makes me race right back to him... but would it work if I ignored him. And what if the original poster ignored his ex, will she think he is moving on and cut her losses if she is moving away for a year anyhow?

 

It's more effective because she dumped his ass to date other people... why should he put up with being her puppy dog if there's no guarantee she'll return. Forget what she says, it's time to move on. Action, not words or hints.

 

He likes her and she knows it. She also knows that he's putty in her hands, which means she'll take him back when she's certain she can't find anyone else.

 

If you ignore the person, it shows you've moved on to something else. Then they'll wonder why you're not there when they call, or want to hang out. Then they panic, because their safety valve is missing. I only know from experience (good thing I learned this early enough).

 

It works for girls as well. I've seen it, and I've come across examples on LoveShack, in which women reported how exes pursued them after finding out they were dating other guys.

 

Strange how the mind works...

[EvilChicobo]

Originally posted by westernxer

It's more effective because she dumped his ass to date other people... why should he put up with being her puppy dog if there's no guarantee she'll return. Forget what she says, it's time to move on. Action, not words or hints.

 

He likes her and she knows it. She also knows that he's putty in her hands, which means she'll take him back when she's certain she can't find anyone else.

 

 

Ok, not trying to start anything but I don't think adding insult to injury is going to help much. If you read my post I had started leaving her alone and giving her space and that's why she started talking to me again. My intial question was does she want me back or is she just merely missing me. And with that in mind when do I know it's ok to give the relationship another shot.

 

She didn't "dump my ass" to date other people. She had mentioned it in the relationship in the times we were fighting, but she hasn't been dating anyone, nor is she planning to at the moment. At the time (and possibly still is going on) she was going through the young adult phase where she wasn't sure what she wanted out of life, she wasn't sure where she was going. She was depressed with herself over a variety of things.

 

If you want to know her whole reasoning for going to England I can explain it in great detail. I totally understand her need for this. Her mother died when she was in her teens, she admired her mother greatly. Her mom at her age now, did so much with her life, and she feels she needs to do the same, to explore, do things, live her life to the fullest. Her mother grew up in England and she wants to return to her roots and live where her mom grew up for a year.

 

It isn't so she can go and date other guys. She's going to be working as a full time nanny taking care of little children! With that said I'd like to reitterate that I'm not her puppy dog, I haven't been giving into her at all. Yeah I went out with her but that doesn't mean I'm running to her beck and call.

 

I don't mean to be so defensive but this is a relationship that is very close and emotional to me. We were so close for a year, and we still are close. Yes I do care for her and love her, and I know she feels the same. But right now she isn't wanting something so serious. All I want to know, is if these "ACTIONS" she's giving off, if they're signs she wants to get back together or not.

 

Again sorry for being defensive, but I'm not too keen on having people assume certain things. I used to be the puppy dog, but I've stopped doing that. I have control of my own life and I've been getting out and doing so much with so many people. So with that in mind perhaps we can make a better judgement towards the issues at hand

[scared shy]

EvilChicobo

 

 

My intial question was does she want me back or is she just merely missing me.

 

Why don't you ask her then? If it's as cut and dry as that, then just ask. It's very hard to try to determine what one is thinking (especially a female, I can say that being one) by their actions or their subtleties. If that's what you continue to do, you will only see and connote how she is acting with what you WANT to see. i.e. you want her back, so you are going to find a way to assume every action she demonstrates is one of wanting to rekindle your romance. Just ask and save time and you know exactly where you stand. (it's soooo much easier giving advice rather than taking one's own advice)

[westernxer]

I understand your senstitivity, so just take my words with a grain of salt.

 

Dumping someone's ass is just a crude way of saying they want space, or time apart, or whatever. Only thing is, they don't want to sound crude about it, so as to not hurt your feelings, so they euphemize the terminology to make it easier to swallow.

 

However, it doesn't mean they didn't dump your ass, no matter how you reason it out in your mind.

 

To answer your question, no, she doesn't want you back. If she did, she'd show you. Nothing complicated about it. Most girls, when they like you, will make time for you, regardless of whether they're nannies, motherless, whatever. Yours is bluffing. Just wait and see.

 

I hope I'm wrong, but the signs don't lie.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by scared*shy

Why don't you ask her then? If it's as cut and dry as that, then just ask. It's very hard to try to determine what one is thinking (especially a female, I can say that being one) by their actions or their subtleties. If that's what you continue to do, you will only see and connote how she is acting with what you WANT to see. i.e. you want her back, so you are going to find a way to assume every action she demonstrates is one of wanting to rekindle your romance. Just ask and save time and you know exactly where you stand. (it's soooo much easier giving advice rather than taking one's own advice)

 

Amen... I've done this and saved myself a lot of time.

 

Almost paralyzed the last girl, because she wanted to stay neutral yet have my company at the same time. I pounced on it the minute I noticed something was up, and she felt stupid because I called her bluff. She also hated knowing that she was a terrible person for doing this, even though I never told her so. Girl was trying to live it down the whole time. Oh well, all is fair in love and war. Those who refuse to learn, burn.

[EvilChicobo]

Originally posted by westernxer

To answer your question, no, she doesn't want you back. If she did, she'd show you. Nothing complicated about it. Most girls, when they like you, will make time for you, regardless of whether they're nannies, motherless, whatever. Yours is bluffing. Just wait and see.

 

I hope I'm wrong, but the signs don't lie.

 

 

She isn't bluffing about the whole England thing, she's been wanting to do this since before we even met. It's simply a life goal of hers. Recently she has been making time for me, hence everything I said in my initial post! She even wants me to come visit her while she's in England. I'm sorry but I just feel like you're not reading the information I'm tossing out

 

But I'm going to take Shy's advice and just talk with her. Have that clear things up. What signs are you looking at that you claim don't lie?

[westernxer]

I've read your information, but it's irrelevant.

 

You're trying to make excuses for her, something most guys do when they're still hurting.

 

Now you sound like the girl you're pursuing.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by EvilChicobo

What signs are you looking at that you claim don't lie?

 

Everything you mentioned is a sign, most of all your excuses.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

o goodness.. ok well she is showing signs that she is missing him i mean the boii went to her house for goodness sakes and she would brush on him.. am i right EvilChicobo?? ok i agree with scared*shy aslo.. ok start talking to her and ask what the hell is going on because you are not going to want to be wondering what she is trying to tell you with her actions..

 

Ok huh?? Sorry that just confused me a bit lol. So I should basically try not to show any feelings for her? Like if she does try to kiss me I should push her away? is that what you're saying? I mean.. if she does kiss me, that's what I would want isn't it? To know she wants me back? Exactly how long should I be playing hard to get??

 

ok about that lol sorry let me clear it up for you i messed up.. ahem.. well i was saying that dont show like you are depressed and needy if she kisses you then she kisses you but what if she kisses you and you get in to it and then she stops you are going to be the one who is going to seem needy and she going to feel like you misinterpret her actions do you get me?? lol

 

but now that you are going to talk to her and ask her what going on then of course everything changes because you are going to let your feelings out for her and you cant stop what happens...just talk it out and i hope shes not giving you false hopes....thats why you shouldnt be so confident you know? but see what happens...has she called you lately?

 

I mean.. if she does kiss me, that's what I would want isn't it? To know she wants me back?

 

how can you know that your ex wants to get back with you by a kiss.....? this is just a personal question just wana know....

[EvilChicobo]

Originally posted by westernxer

I've read your information, but it's irrelevant.

 

You're trying to make excuses for her, something most guys do when they're still hurting.

 

Now you sound like the girl you're pursuing.

 

OMG what excuses am I making? I'm just stating the facts. What makes you think everything she's doing is some excuse? Did you ever stop to think it could be true? I mean I'm sorry that you think she's lying to me, I don't know if perhaps the girls you dated lied to you and fed you excuses. You told me she was bluffing, yet bluffing about what?? I mean before that I never defended her and said she told me all this info. You just assumed she was bluffing and I tried to explain to you that she wasn't.

 

This was something she has wanted to do for the longest time, it has nothing to do with why she broke up with me. I'm just trying to explain her point of view on what she's dealing with.

 

 

Originally posted by Da_1_n_OnlyN3na

...has she called you lately?

 

To answer your question, she IM'ed me last night when she got off work so yes she's talked to me lately

 

 

 

Originally posted by Da_1_n_OnlyN3na

how can you know that your ex wants to get back with you by a kiss.....? this is just a personal question just wana know....

 

lol to be honest I have no clue really. I keep being told by friends to just pay attention to her actions. That is sounds like this could be going both ways right now and I should either just talk to her or wait it out. But if she did kiss me, in that situation I would probably end up doing what you suggested, which is pulling away. I know I just seem like one big ball of confused.

 

 

And also Westner I'm not trying to attack you dude, I'll admit I am hurting a bit still, and I am being defensive but I know she isn't bluffing in her reasons for what she does. While we were dating she really would get depressed with herself, saying things like "I feel so stupid" or "I'm so ugly". So I know she's going through something inside her right now. It's not just an excuse to be with other guys.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

But if she did kiss me, in that situation I would probably end up doing what you suggested, which is pulling away.

 

yea pull away for a lil bit and be like why do you want to do this and start talking but if this doesnt happen then just talk if she still gives you these signs you know...has she mention anything about seeing you and hanging out again?

[EvilChicobo]

Originally posted by Da_1_n_OnlyN3na

yea pull away for a lil bit and be like why do you want to do this and start talking but if this doesnt happen then just talk if she still gives you these signs you know...has she mention anything about seeing you and hanging out again?

 

Well we didn't make any plans or anything when I last talked with her, she had just got back from work and it was late, but she had said she really wanted to talk to me later. So we'll see. I know I forgot to mention this, but I've noticed recently when she hangs out with me, she wears the perfume I got her for christmas. I don't know if that means anything I'm probably just reading too deep into it for my own good. But I'm definately going to talk with her when I get the chance to see what's going on.

[westernxer]

Originally posted by EvilChicobo

OMG what excuses am I making? I'm just stating the facts. What makes you think everything she's doing is some excuse? Did you ever stop to think it could be true? I mean I'm sorry that you think she's lying to me, I don't know if perhaps the girls you dated lied to you and fed you excuses. You told me she was bluffing, yet bluffing about what?? I mean before that I never defended her and said she told me all this info. You just assumed she was bluffing and I tried to explain to you that she wasn't.

 

I never said the facts weren't true; they're just excuses, that's all, so that she can do other things. Bottom line is, she's backing away from you, and it's hurting you tremendously. What I don't understand is why you put up with it.

 

This was something she has wanted to do for the longest time, it has nothing to do with why she broke up with me. I'm just trying to explain her point of view on what she's dealing with.

 

Wow, she's really in pain, man. Don't your needs count, too?

 

Sometimes you have to be a bit selfish, because she certainly is.

 

.. I know she's going through something inside her right now. It's not just an excuse to be with other guys.

 

Not yet, but she certainly doesn't want to be with you. That's how you have to look at it.

 

And don't worry, I know you're not attacking me. It's your right to disagree with me all you like, but showing her empathy won't get you anywhere. You're just disrespecting yourself.

 

I'm not saying this because of some bad experience I had. Hell, we've all been lied to and what have you. The difference is I didn't put up with it. I simply moved on, hard as it was, because self-preservation means more than sacrifice, especially if they're not willling to sacrifice for you.

 

Ever heard of "No Contact?" That's what you need to do.