Feeling awful over my ex

June 11, 2016

Hey guys.

3 months ago my first boyfriend dumped me over a text. We had spent 4 years together and lost a baby together. I never saw it coming. He just got out of work one day and dumped me. His only reasoning was that he was unhappy. I don't know why he didn't tell me before it got too late so we could work through it but I guess he didn't want it to work. I'm 20 and he's 21. He dumped me 2 weeks before my 20th birthday.

For the first month I cried alot and refused to get out of bed or leave the house. Pretty standard behaviour I'd say.

In the 2nd month I picked myself up massively. I changed my hair, lost loads of weight and began dating again. I also started going out with my friends and family every single day. Every day I'd do something new. I was starting to feel better, more like a human again. I did some things I regret though. I slept around alot. I went from sleeping with 1 person to 6 in the matter of 3 months. I guess I was trying to numb the pain with new guys. - I can't imagine this has helped me too much in the long run.

Now I'm in the 3rd month and all of a sudden I'm so down again. I haven't heard anything from my ex but around a week ago my best friend told me he was in the same night club as us. She had seen him. I was going to the bathroom and I saw him too, we made eye contact. He gave me a dirty look and looked away. He didn't want to see or speak to me.

A few days later I was over at one of my male friends houses and he had facebook open. Curiosity got the better of me. I knew he had my ex as a friend on facebook so I went on his profile. My ex was writing tonnes of statuses about how he was bored and alone in his house because his 'internet had been cut so he couldn't play video games' When we were together he NEVER wrote statuses. I guess it kind of shocked me because he's changed so much as a person. I also found out he had passed his driving test. This hurt too because I was the one helping him to pass. I used to give him lessons and tips.

My friend came in and saw me looking at his profile and instantly told me he was removing him as a friend as he doesn't want me looking anymore. He then said to me "Put it this way, he must be lonely with very little friends if he feels the need to write statuses pointing out that he's bored" - I guess he's right.

I don't know why but I'm just so sad and I thought I'd gotten over this. All I do is think about him YET AGAIN, whereas before I was thinking about him less and less each day. I just feel as though I never actually knew this guy. It almost feels like a bad dream, as though I was never in a relationship with him as my brain can't even comprehend who he is anymore.

Before he left me he never went out drinking, he never used to write anything on facebook as he said it was a 'waste of time' and he'd have never seen me in a club and just ignored me. I honestly didn't think he had it in him to end our relationship especially over a text. I thought he respected and loved me too much for that.

Please offer me advice, I don't understand what's going off in my head. I'm so, so low.

Thanks.

June 11, 2016

You guys are young. At your are you're still developing and figuring out who you are.

June 11, 2016

Me and my ex had broke up in a similar fashion, we were together for 7 years and she dumped me the day before valentines day, left me with quite a big hotel bill that we never ended up going to, she dumped me via text and then got with someone else about 2 weeks later after telling me upon break up she was interested in someone else.

It took me quite a while and I, like you, spent a long time in denial about the whole thing. Well, I had accepted it had happened, but I thought I could change it when a part of me knew I couldn't at the same time so I was only hurting myself. Again like you, she was my first girlfriend, which I think makes it all the harder as you were with him for 4 years it's quite a long time, and you become used to that person being there that you don't know what to do when they are gone.

I think that after you were making so much progress you've just had a temporary relapse tbh. I definitely wouldn't go sleeping around, for one you will end up with a reputation that you don't want, and it's not making you feel better. The one thing I did learn during my break up was to be happy with my own company and to be happy with myself, you won't be happy or over this until you can be happy with yourself first.

Don't get curiosity get the better of you, don't contact him, don't search for him on social media, and don't listen out for updates on him. He's moved on and so must you. Take some time for yourself until you feel you are comfortable and ready to go forward, don't FORCE yourself to go forward (sleeping around etc). Spend time again with friends and family as you were, and then see what happens on the dating scene again.

June 11, 2016

I just wonder how can some people do that..? Where is this moral and attitude coming from..?

It has also happened to myself almost 8 years ago that I lost me feelings for my 2 year gf. There was no cheating, just I wasn't attracted to her anymore. I was young, stupid and selfish, I was not so interested in seeing her.. But it was killing me and ofc I couldnt tell her since she was literally adoring me.

I didn't dumped her over a text message or by just disappearing from her life.. I tried for months to do interesting things with her, go holidays together until she realized -slowly- that I wasn't for her the guy she wanted me to be.

One day her mother called me (had seen her only once) and asked me to tell her the truth. I did and then she asked me not to call her ever again and that she will try to support her.

I was a coward, I agree, but I would never leave like that, like a ghost, without any explanation, within seconds, like your exs.

The only thing we should learn and promise ourselves is never do it to someone else even if we have lost our feelings for them at an irreparable degree..

June 17, 2016

Hey guys.

I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 and a half years. He was my first boyfriend.

2 weeks before my 20th birthday he left me over a text message. It was pretty much out of the blue. He couldn't even give me much explanation.

3 months have passed since, it'll be 4 months soon. I don't like being single. I always loved having a boyfriend - I never 'missed' anything about single life. I would have preferred to be inside cuddled up with him rather than outside drinking. He seemed so perfect for me but there were dark sides to the relationship. I had severe trust issues from how poor of a boyfriend he had been to me in the first 6 months of us being together. In that 6 months he cheated on me and constantly chased after other girls. I was only 15/16 though so I was so naive and young that I took him back.

When he promised he would change he did change. He stopped speaking to other girls, he dedicated so much to me and then he just ended it over a text message suddenly. I'll never figure it or understand.

So anyway, I've been meeting new guys and I've been on a few days. My problem is I fail to find any 'spark' in these dates. I've had sex with 3 people since my ex left me just out of pure desperation to feel slightly better and to feel something for someone other than him. It hasn't worked.

I've been seeing a guy on my university course for the past month. We both agreed we didn't want anything serious so we've sort of just been having sex.

The sex is good but I'm just so shocked and disgusted with myself about how cold I am towards this guy, emotionally cold. If he called me and told me he'd had sex with someone new tomorrow I wouldn't care. This isn't me as a person - I was devastated when my ex was chasing other girls. I always described myself as a jealous person, but when it comes to this new guy, I'm not a jealous person at all. He's a nice looking guy too, I'd say well above average. He always works out at the gym and he's an actor part time in some very well known productions. My ex was the opposite of all this, he's overweight, unattractive and works part time as a shelf stacker at a local store.

A few nights ago he invited me over to his house to watch a movie. We were cuddled on his sofa and for a split moment I thought "This is nice, this feels really good - I feel wanted" and I hoped maybe I was developing feelings for him but then I raised my head and I looked at him and the same coldness returned. I don't like this guy at all. It's literally just sex.

I have no idea what I'm going to do, I feel as though it'll be this way forever. In the 4 and a half years I was with my ex I never had any interest in other men, despite the fact they were interested in me. I didn't even notice other men. Now I notice men, and I realise just how bad looking my ex is compared to most normal guys but I feel nothing beyond physical attraction.

I want to get married and start a family one day, I envisioned all that with my ex - I can't see another man stood in his place at the alter, holding our first born child.

What if I'm like this forever? It's not a possibility to have my ex back. He has blocked me on all forms of communication and I saw him around 2 weeks ago briefly and he totally ignored me. One of our mutual friends has also spoken to him recently and my ex told him that he's happy with the break up, doesn't regret it and knows deep down that he will never want to see me again or want me back. Pretty harsh, right? When just 3 hours before he left me he was telling me how much he loved me and asking me if I wanted to go for a meal for my birthday. He also told my friend he has moved on from the relationship and how badly he hurt me and that he never even thinks about me anymore. He said he hopes I'm happy and then he proceeded to ask my friend if I was with any guys??? What sort of question is that from someone who has 'moved on' He then told my friend to pass the message on to me that he had moved on and that I needed to aswell. I wish it was as easy as that. It's been hell on earth for me.

Please offer me advice. I feel kinda sad.

June 17, 2016

So, you're only 20 years old and pretty fresh out of your first serious relationship, which lasted 4 years ended abruptly.

You need to be a lot more patient with yourself. You are not ready to date other guys yet, which is perfectly okay. You haven't emotionally detached from your ex which is normal at this stage, and especially given that he's really all you know in terms of relationship experience. Your feelings are still wrapped up in him, which is why you can't yet picture your future without him. But as time passes, you will. It will take a while to heal and find yourself again, outside the context of a relationship. Figure out who you are on what you like to do, independent of a man. What are your hobbies and interests? Cultivate those.

As far as the other guy you're seeing, don't force yourself into it if you're not into him. It's not fair to either of you and it won't do anything to help you feel better in the end. If you're okay with a purely sexual connection, then that's fine too. Be sure he is on the same page, though. It's important to not do things you don't really want to in an attempt to fill a void - that usually backfires.

Your ex asking about you means very little, honestly. It could be out of pure curiosity. It could be his way to alleviating his own guilt for hurting you, by seeing if you're moving. It could be an ego thing. Unless and until he contacts you himself, ignore it. Ask your friends not to update you on these matters.

Again, I stress that you are still very young. I would venture to guess that a great number of us here who are a good deal older than you can confirm the partners we were with in early adulthood are not the same partners we have today. This is good news for you, because you still have your whole adult life ahead of you. You will be amazed at the growing and changing you will do in the coming years, and the people who will enter your life.

Be more patient and good things will come.

June 17, 2016

I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 and a half years. He was my first boyfriend.

I don't like being single. I always loved having a boyfriend - I never 'missed' anything about single life.

You can't miss what you've never experienced. This is the first time since you grew breasts that you've been single.

I've had sex with 3 people since my ex left me just out of pure desperation to feel slightly better and to feel something for someone other than him. It hasn't worked.

Because feeling better isn't about having a BF or having sex. It's about being comfortable with you, which maybe something for you to work on.

I have no idea what I'm going to do, I feel as though it'll be this way forever.
I want to get married and start a family one day, I envisioned all that with my ex - I can't see another man stood in his place at the alter, holding our first born child.

Because it's been 4 months since you broke up, and you have zero life experience. Give it time. I'd suggest you actually need to spend quite some time single. You seem to be clinging to men in some desperate hope to reclaim part of yourself. The identity that you need a BF to feel complete. This is very unhealthy and definitely something you need to heal before you can have the kind of relationship that will survive a marriage and kids.

June 17, 2016

You can't miss what you've never experienced. This is the first time since you grew breasts that you've been single.

Because feeling better isn't about having a BF or having sex. It's about being comfortable with you, which maybe something for you to work on.

Because it's been 4 months since you broke up, and you have zero life experience. Give it time. I'd suggest you actually need to spend quite some time single. You seem to be clinging to men in some desperate hope to reclaim part of yourself. The identity that you need a BF to feel complete. This is very unhealthy and definitely something you need to heal before you can have the kind of relationship that will survive a marriage and kids.

Once again I agree with Buddhist.

OP, you are 20. 20!

Way way too hard on yourself.... you have your entire life ahead of you -- 50+ years!

Enjoy your youth, discover yourself! Life is exciting .... have many experiences, learn, grow, evolve.

When you meet the right man for you, and you for him, you will know... but there is plenty of time! My goodness sweetie, again you are only 20 years old.

In the meantime, focus on studies, meet new people, have lots of different experience, and enjoy!

June 17, 2016

This is why like smoking, drinking, voting and driving there should be a minimum age requirement to dating.

There are so many early 20 somethings here who so quickly lose hope.

Sometimes I don’t know what is worse, the older folks (talking 40 plus) who sometimes express the fatalistic mentality (I admit, tis me some days) or the younger folks. To the younger people…

3 months have passed since, it'll be 4 months soon. I don't like being single.

Usually when you STOP “looking” to be with someone… someone will come along.

June 17, 2016

Finding out what you like and don't like is important part of finding a relationship.

If this situation isn't making you happy. Then stop. Don't beat yourself up, just say hey, this isn't meant for me.

It's okay to want a relationship, but even in a relationship, you have your own individual interest, hopes, dreams, etc. that you want to explore. That shouldn't change just because you don't have a boyfriend.

College is one of the best places to make "adult" friends you can go on road trips and etc with.

June 17, 2016

I totally agree with Buddhist... You are so young and you have never known what it is to stand on your own too feet and really know yourself. This is what you need to work on right now - developing some self-confidence and self reliance. Learn about yourself - what makes you happy, how do you fill your time when you are alone...

One of the best quotes I've ever read is "you will never be lonely if you are good company."

I have a friend who married the first guy she started dating at 15 years old. They had a happy marriage and three beautiful children... she hates to spend even a night alone and she doesn't know how to be alone - even for a night! The marriage has now ended and she fell apart. She went from one relationship to another only because she did not know/did not have the self confidence she needed to be alone. Same with my dad... After my mom passed away, he was so lost he jumped into another relationship two months later. He is now totally dependent on this other woman who has provided a nice distraction from the grief he was feeling. It makes me sad to see these two people who "need" to have someone in their lives at all times... Sad to see them invest so much of their happiness in another person.

Because, the big truth is - the only person who can be responsible for your happiness is you! Think about that... It's important for you to take this time to figure out who you are and what makes you happy. I really believe that when you find a healthy and happy place on your own... You will be ready to be the best partner you can be to someone else.

Chin up! Of course, you like being with someone else and you will find another relationship. It sucks now but please, use this time to become a better and stronger person. The best is yet to come for you... I'm sure!

Edited June 17, 2016 by BaileyB

June 17, 2016

One thing i've got to say is that your perception of time gets mangled after big breakups. It's very common for short periods of time to feel like a lifetime when you're going through heart break. Even when it's not your first major break up - which it is. You need to give yourself time. Lots of it. You're so so young, 3 months out of a 4 year relationship is nothing at all. You're so young and in years of your life that are great for growth and experience and opportunity.. be single for a while. Build your life and thennn find someone to share it with.

June 18, 2016

Great advice from the above posters^^

All I can say is that you are very young, and you've never spent any time on your own as an 'adult'. It's hard for everyone to adapt to the single life after a breakup no matter how many times we go through it.

You really do need to take some time to do your own thing. You must have interests/hobbies or eduction/carrier aspirations to peruse? Focus on these things and make it a priority. 20 years old is really too young to be worrying about being single, you have so much time for everthing to come. Heck I was still a virgin at your age!

I admit it is hard to find yourself especially when you haven't really been just yourself before, but it's a good time to try and discover what actually makes you tick. You'll go through a lot more than just this in life as time goes on, but each step of the way we discover more about ourselves and grow that bit stronger each time.

I think the meaningless sex you are having is having a negative affect on you and it's actually having the opposite affect to what you thought it would. There is more to life than sex with people you don't love (much more).

I hope you can take something from these posts, you really do just need some time to yourself and don't be so hard in yourself expecting to be falling in love again so soon. Life doesn't work like that.

Take care.

June 20, 2016

I agree with much that has already been said. This may not be the best news, but it probably will take a while for you to get over all of this. It seems like you had so used to doing everything with your ex that you're kind of lost. Take some time out to do some stuff that you enjoy. It's surprising how sometimes you can enjoy just being alone by yourself.

Also, I would really consider thinking about things before you have sex with other people. You said it yourself, you thought it would make you happy, but it didn't. Sex is so much more than the physical and if you're missing that emotional component, sex will never fill that emptiness you're feeling.

In all, just give it some time. Good luck.

June 21, 2016

I have been on this forum before but honestly I've never really told you guys the 'full story' as I've been pretty embarrassed about things. I feel as though if I'm open about the FULL backstory behind my break up I will get more advice and support.

4 months ago my first boyfriend dumped me over a text. We had been together for nearly 5 years. I'm 20 years old so you can imagine the impact this had on me. He dumped me about 5 days before my 20th birthday so at the time he left me I wasn't even 20 yet.

During our relationship I trusted him with my life. He loved me in ways I never thought anyone could. I was abused by my parents as a child, I was sent to several different care homes and I never truly 'belonged' anywhere. When I met my boyfriend he sort of stepped in and acted as a surrogate parent so to speak. He taught me how to do basic things such as wash my clothes and cook food. I was only 14 at the time, he would've been around 16.

When I got to 16 his family basically took me in. At this stage our relationship was official - we had been best friends since I was 14. I lived at his place 4 days a week whilst attending school and I got back in contact with my parents and lived with them for the rest of the week. I found out I had 2 younger siblings who are now 5 and 3 who I simply adored from day 1. My relationship with my parents never got to a 'loving' stage though and still hasn't, to this day.

I didn't see things going wrong. For the first year of our relationship I was abit of a wild card. I would have anger outbursts where I would scream and cry and my ex boyfriend would physically have to restrain me sometimes to calm me down. He helped me seek out medical help and I started seeing a good therapist, I was put on anti depressants and medication to calm my anxiety down. By the age of 17 I was calm, I was a new person.

We had 2 happy years from that point. We went on holidays together, we spent most days together. The sex was good, we always made time for each other. I really thought I had found my dream man. I used to tell myself how lucky I was because I'd fallen in love and found a keeper the first time round - I was obviously fooling myself but at 17/18 I didn't know anything was about to go wrong.

About 4 months before he left me he started acting out. He was always looking to pick fights with me and I would never give in to him. I have had extensive anger management so his nitpicking didn't flip me out like it would have done when I was 15/16. I just used to tell him to calm down and that I wanted to discuss things as 'adults' It almost seemed as time was going on that it was ME maturing and him turning into the person I had been before he helped me out. In the 2 years leading to our break up we didn't once argue until he started picking fights.

So the fateful day came. He randomly sent me a text after being with me 4 hours previously and he said that he didn't want to be with me anymore. He said I made him unhappy. I asked him what I had done to make him unhappy and he couldn't give me an explanation. He basically just said he didn't want a girlfriend anymore and that he wanted to live his life on his own. I understand this is a valid reason, but why did he have to do it over a text message? He has known me since I was 14, he knows the abuse I have endured in my life and yet he still spared me the respect of coming and saying things to my face. The worst part about it was he only lives like a 5 minute walk away from my house.

A month later I found out I was 3 months pregnant with his child. I know this is a major plot twist but it wasn't too much of a surprise to me because we had been AGREEING to try for a baby - right or wrong. I still have no idea why he wanted to try for a baby with me when he intended to dump me, but that's another matter.

Anyway, I told him I was pregnant. I got my best friend to contact him about it as I knew he wouldn't listen to me. At first he told my best friend the baby 'wasn't his' (What a typical line) then he claimed I was lying. I sent him several pictures of the positive pregnancy test on my bed so that he knew it was mine and not just a google image. After this he started to believe me - or so I thought.

I was due to go for a scan of the baby (A regular check up) I invited my ex along. He said he would come and then he never showed up at the hospital. I tried calling him to discover he had blocked my number. He hadn't even explained why to me. At this stage I went into a total mental breakdown and took an overdose on painkillers. I spent 2 weeks in a mental ward before it was determined that it was best for me to get an abortion. I believe it was in my best interest. I contacted my ex with the date of the abortion and told him he was welcome to come to support me. He never responded to my email. He never came to the abortion.

2 weeks ago one of my friends saw my ex in a local pub. He asked him why he had just ditched me and left me to deal with the pregnancy and abortion alone. My ex responded with "Because I don't believe her and never did. I hope she's happy now though - that's all I want. I'm glad she has a supportive friend like you" My friend asked him how he knew I was faking it and my ex apparently had no proof or reasoning - exactly the same as when he left me over a text, no reasoning or explanation. Apparently he made some excuse to leave after my friend asked him that question. Before he left he asked my friend if I was with 'any new guys' he then told my friend that I 'needed to move on because he has' he said he wanted 'time alone' and didn't want a girlfriend yet. I don't know if this is true, I know it's none of my business but I don't really believe it - before he got with me he was constantly chasing after girls who didn't want him, even 1 year into our relationship he was still doing the same before he sorted himself out. I'd hazard a guess he is exactly the same now he is single.

I told my mother about this and she said that it sounded like my ex boyfriend had developed a 'martyr' complex where he is behaving as though he really does have my best interest in mind so that it numbs the guilt of how he left me.

It's been 4 months and I'm still struggling. I don't cry anymore but sometimes I think back to how things were and I miss him so much. I have no idea how someone who I was so close to for years could just betray me like this. A week before he dumped me he was talking about booking our next holiday and how he thought we'd 'never break up' (His own words) now I have no idea who he is and what he's doing and it kills me. He was more of a family member to me than 'just a boyfriend' and it all hurts so bad. He won't even acknowledge me or give me the time of day. I just hate my life right now.

I'm still in utter shock that he spared me the respect of coming to my face after knowing what I've been through in my life. I'm only 20 and my entire life has been constant trauma, this has just thrown salt in the wound. I thought he was a good man, I used to say that to people - how can he be a good man when he dumped me over a text even though he knew everything about my past and how depressed I was? A month before he left me I had taken him out for his birthday and spent tonnes of money on him, as I always did, 3 months before he left me we celebrated Christmas together - these aren't the actions of someone who was masking their unhappiness.

I'm trying so hard to move on. I've lost so much weight, I've improved my appearance - I actually look good now compared to when I was with him. I still go to therapy, I have some of my hobbies back and I see friends and family every day but I still get these moments where I feel so low and like he is the only one who can cure it.

Please offer me advice. Thank you.

Edited June 21, 2016 by swimforvictory

June 21, 2016

You don't need advice. You are doing all the right things by focusing on yourself, bettering your life, getting counseling...you are on your way to recovery. You are not the only one who has had to heal from heartbreak or had a s*&^^% dysfunctional up bringing. People survive and do great things, because they have learned from their hard knocks of life. Also it's a right of passage into adulthood. Now you are starting a new chapter in your life. This is your time to be self reliant, resilient, and be your own person. A man will not give you happiness, only you can do that, by standing on your own two feet, finding your strength to move forward.

June 21, 2016

Well, you've been through a lot, and your relationship with your boyfriend has been understandably co-dependent. He was all things to you, more than a boyfriend needs to be once you're grown and become independent and a full adult.

I understand why it's hard to get past it, but it's something we all have to do, but it's scarier for you than most because he was your anchor there for awhile until things went south. But please believe me when I say you can be your own anchor given some time working and living on your own, by yourself or with a female roommate who isn't supporting you. Once you do that, you will grow in ways you can't foresee right now, and your sense of security will be stronger than it could ever be relying on someone else for it.

So to be very clear, I'm saying: Move forward. Let him go. Get on birth control and stay on it. Don't get another man yet. Do yourself. Get your own job. Get two jobs if needed. Get your own place, just a small place where no one can move roommates in. And make that the rule if you do get a roommate (female only). I would avoid a roommate if possible becuase it's usually drama and moving out and leaving you hanging, etc. Get a room or a shack, a trailer, whatever. Cheap. Small. Live there and support yourself and your confidence will grow. And just not having someone influencing you will allow you to blossom into the woman you truly are. And only then are you at all ready to have another boyfriend. First, find yourself, the person you are alone. Good luck.

June 21, 2016

Find yourself, by yourself. This time is yours and be thankful you get this chance alone to stand up tall on your own.

June 21, 2016

4 months is really not long at all when it comes to the end of major relationships. My first serious 4 yr relationship took me at least a year or two to feel fully recovered from. It takes me a minimum of 6 months to move on from a serious LTR and I'm 30 and have had 4 that have ended. It took me 6 months to get over the last guy even though I was the one to do the breaking up!

What you're going through is HARD and AWFUL, but it's also 100% perfectly normal. Work on yourself, get to know yourself, figure out what you really want from your life on your own. Being single for at least some of your 20s is hugely important for personal development that will help you figure out the kind of person that you really want to spend your life with.

Don't give yourself a time limit - i said in the last post, it's actually very common and a weird psychological phenomenon for your perception of time to become really warped. It was the first thing my therapist asked me when i went through my most recent breakup "how is your perception of time right now". 4 months feels much longer than it really is in times like this. A year from now, you'll look back and it won't seem that way at ALL.

June 22, 2016

You are going through the grieving process of the ending of your relationship. It is very normal. Of course it hurts and it's a good thing that you can feel it and talk about it. That is the healthy way to deal with the ending of a relationship. Although it doesn't feel like it, you are on your way to healing. Talking is healing and if using this forum is a way to do that, then do it. :-)

June 23, 2016

Hello everyone.

4 months ago my ex boyfriend of 4.5 years left me over a text - it was out of the blue. He was 21, I was 2 weeks away from my 20th birthday.

As you can imagine the last few months have been horrific. He hasn't spoken to me since he did it, I never got any closure.

I saw him 2 weeks ago in a night club. He totally ignored me. I bawled my eyes out and went home. Locked myself in my bedroom for the weekend and didn't come out - just like I had done in the beginning of the break up.

I vowed that I'd purposely try and make it impossible for me to see anything that reminded me of him. I tore up old cards, I sold presents he had bought me, I blocked him on ALL social media.

2 days ago my friend was drunk and she opened my ex's profile on facebook - she was doing this to remove him as a friend but she was drunk so she clearly forgot she shouldn't be showing me his profile. I saw a post from him saying that he had passed his driving test first time around. Now, what you guys need to realise is that in the past few weeks this would have torn me to shreds. I was the one that taught him to drive unofficially. I motivated him to drive. I always said to my mum "If I ever see him on the roads it'll destroy me because I'll know he has passed his test and I helped him get there." but for once, for the first time in weeks and months I felt nothing. I didn't feel the urge to call him or text him crying (I've not got his number anymore, but you see my point) I didn't feel angry in any way. It was almost like I had stopped caring overnight. I also noticed a comment from a female coworker of his saying "Well done babe, knew you could do it xxx" Even this comment meant nothing to me. In the past I would have flipped out and started crying, but I didn't. I just felt emotionally numb.

If anything, I feel bad for him because I know the girl personally (Through him of course) and she has a long term boyfriend who she constantly cheats on, I wouldn't be surprised if my ex is a victim of her one day but he knew all of this about her and still chose her to be his friend after he left me. I can't say I didn't warn him!!

Anyway, despite all of this I keep finding myself purposely trying to make myself miserable. I know this sounds odd but it's like sometimes I will force myself to think about him and passing his driving test and the 'other woman' just for the sake of it. I will stop what I'm doing and tell myself "Hey, your ex passed his test." as though I'm expecting my emotions to react to this tiny voice in my head, but they never do, they don't anymore. It's almost as though I'm trying to remind myself that I no longer care AS MUCH for him or love him. Why am I doing this to myself? Surely I should want to get over him, but subconsciously I keep trying to throw myself back into things, the negative thoughts and the heart break.

After seeing his profile the other day I realised he was a stranger to me. I have no idea who he is anymore therefore I can't love him or be hurt over him anymore. What I was missing was the past version of him, and now he's gone.

Last night I looked through an old photo album of the two of us. I think again I did it to try and trigger negative emotions (Seriously, do I like being sad???!) and again I felt nothing. If anything I felt nostalgia but I didn't ache for him anymore. 2 weeks ago every part of my body ached for him.

What could be causing this?

Thanks.

June 23, 2016

Some people struggle with heartbreak for a long time. Some people get over it relatively quickly. Just be happy that you're one of the latter

June 24, 2016