Jones19 Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Ive had certain threads on this and my problem's in the break up forum but now things have changed i need more advice. I will cut a-long story short but a few months back Ive known this girl for ages since i can remember we have been best mates for life we have always said that we would be together and we would get married. Are family's know each other very well and our relationship would be set up perfect. But before we got together she was seeing this lad who sadly died of cancer less than 2 months ago i feel for my girlfriend as she was with him along time she split up with him around November last year and when he died i know she feels she let him down but i know and everyone does apart from herself she didn't. When we got together everything was great we was the perfect couple even she said it we was in love. But sadly when her boyfriend past away things went a kinda downhill after that but we still loved each other. But a couple of weeks ago she told me she needed a break i was gutted and felt let down i stayed in touch with her because i felt i should help her. After this we still met and i asked her why we couldn't be together but over the past weeks she as got to know my mates very well and my mates ex bird (there are kinda best mates now). Anyway on Thursday night i went round and asked her if we could get back together and she said yes we can but we need to take it slowly. So i agreed but yesterday when we met up last night she wasn't her self i asked her what was wrong she said i don't want to talk about when i tryed to make contact with her i just got a little kiss on the lips and it was like she didn't want to know me i asked her why when i was around her she was always moody and when she was with my mates she looked happy. I asked her if i was the problem she said don't be silly. I slept at her house aswell in the same bed i got a good night kiss and we spoke abit but she just turned away. When she got up the next morning for work she gave me a kiss and said bye. I'm really stuck in what to do everything ive done as gone against me i want to be with her but how long will things like this carry on i really feel sorry for her as she as had alot of problems in her life and i want to help her. Sadly she wakes up to the cemetery every morning as she lives at the back of it so her problem over is death is there every morning. I just want us both to go away and try to get on with things but I'm so lost in what to do all my mates don't understand the situation and I'm on my own on this and running out of ideas. But my question what would you do carry on the relationship and build it up in time or lose her again which i can't bear to happen as I'm totally in love with her and have been for years? HELPPPPPPPPPPP!
miss-gonewest Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 So let me get this straight... You know this girl for years and you're good mates. She starts dating this guy (for how long? can you elaborate?) and then he passes away. Then you start dating her. How long after his death did you start dating? I assume its less than 2 months ago? Did your girl have a chance to grieve? Not only is she dealing with a loss, but with the guilt of breaking up with him (why did they break up?)... I know you were doing the right thing by being there, but I do think (and may well be wrong) that the poor lass feels like things might be a bit full on right now. She's lost a partner, she's feeling guilty and now she's dealing with having her best mate become her lover (I've been there, done that and it didn't work out). That said, I think all she needs right now is (a) some space or (b) her best mate back. I'd be feeling well freaked out - if the person that I could always turn to (that's you), suddenly wasn't there (you are there, but you've taken on a different role) I'd be totally lost. Yes I'd like someone to comfort me and I'd like someone to sleep next to me, but I wouldn't want the complications of sex. I think right now you have to step back from being her lover and give her back her friend. Or even better, give her some space to get her head in order. She is going to be so emotional right now - let her process all that's going on. She'll be back - just let her know that you trust her to take some time out.
Author Jones19 Posted June 25, 2005 Author Posted June 25, 2005 Originally posted by miss-gonewest So let me get this straight... You know this girl for years and you're good mates. She starts dating this guy (for how long? can you elaborate?) and then he passes away. Then you start dating her. How long after his death did you start dating? I assume its less than 2 months ago? Did your girl have a chance to grieve? Not only is she dealing with a loss, but with the guilt of breaking up with him (why did they break up?)... Yeah we have known each other for years and we have ed each other for years but never got together. Well we started going out about a month before he died... There were together for around 4 years. After he died she still wanted to be with me but over the last 2 weeks she aint been right with me and she said she doesn't know why. She broke up with him because she didn't love him and she found another guy who she wanted to be with (this wasn't me) but she just wanted to get on with her life (at the age of19) what else could she do. Even when we broke up before we kept in touch but i just wanted to be with her we kept house keys extra extra but now ive got her back it all aint the same i knew that but i don't want it to be like this.
westernxer Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Dude, You already posted this here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=64665 Go ahead and be stubborn...
miss-gonewest Posted June 26, 2005 Posted June 26, 2005 Wow I just read that other thread... You have been given some great advice and you are refusing to take it. People have put so much time into helping you here and you aren't taking heed... IMO your situation is far too messy and complicated and if I were you I'd walk away. Otherwise you are going to be going round and round in circles - you will keep asking the same questions and nothing will improve. Be a man - stand up and be counted and walk away from her. She isn't the only girl in the world - go find one thats got a clear head and isn't shopping around with your best friend.
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