Looking for on the correct mindset to take.

[awacs88]

I'll make a long story short. Dated a girl for 4 years, somewhat on and off and most would say a toxic relationship.

 

We ended and dated other people, those rebound relationships both died, and i tried to get back with my ex after realizing things and also wanting to change things.

 

Me and my ex would hook up over a course of 7 months and act like we we're together however she would never commit fully and i could tell she was starting to enjoy her new single party girl lifestyle more and more.

 

There was times where i looked like a fool, then would cut her off and she would call me 2 weeks later, this happened about 3-4 times. She kept me on a string constantly toying with my emotions. She knew what buttons to push in me and did it well.

 

over the course of 7 months she severely lead me on with a push pull game that i ended up losing. After going out one weekend the next day she tells me she realized she doesn't feel the same anymore and its "weird" even tho she was telling me the night before she loved me. After that it was like a switch went off in her head, and since then on she basically stone walled me and acted like i was crazy for being upset.

 

Now to be fair i wasn't upset she didn't want to be with me, i was upset that she drug me through hell for 7 months and watched me literally die inside and then toss me out to the trash because she had a new inflated ego from partying.

 

Now normally i would be fine, with the out of sight of of mind technique however that's not possible because her best friend lives in the same apartment complex and her car is in our parking lot 6 out of the 7 days. The girl doesn't even live here, yet shes here more than me. I've ran into her multiple times since then and she acts like I'm nothing.

 

I'm to the point where she really hurt me and stripped me down of my confidence which was very high before and made me question things about myself. she parties non stop, which is fine but I'm constantly reminded of it because of her car being parked here. I've talked to her about this and shes now cold and say she didnt owe me an explanation of anything and doesnt think she did anything wrong. I know in reality she didn't because she entitled to feel however she wants, however its just hard to accept someone I've known for 5 years could just toss me aside like i was nothing.

 

I've gotten angry and its got me no where she just acts like I'm crazy and in the end she ends up winning and i feel stupid.

 

Looking for any advice how to get a better mindset of what i need to do to not care about her anymore and also have her not phase me. I've made no contact for close to a month tho but she either has texted me in the past or see her in the parking lot or end up caving coming home drunk while i know shes just a few doors down and end up texting her.

 

Got into an arugement last night and i took a shot at her ego and shes not ignored me and says I'm "harassing her". Obviously I'm not going to speak to her again but need to get a better mental grip on this situation. Its gone on too long and I'm ready to regain control of my emotions.

[gaig]

...because she had a new inflated ego from partying.

 

Tell me about it..

Well, not all people have yours/or ours sharpness in judging what's really worth in life. Or we cannot interfere in their judgment process.. If they are silly, you cannot infuse extra intelligence into them my dear friend..

 

Can you move out from that place? Is it possible? I am sure it is difficult, but I understand that everything in that area will be reminding you of her.

Even the smallest details will be associated with your companionship. And it is hard...

[salparadise]

Sounds like a tough situation with her always being nearby. First you need to go completely no contact, and secondly you need to invest in rebuilding your own life. If you're in an apartment complex I'd seriously consider moving. If you have an occupation that allows you to change jobs, I'd consider a different town.

 

As far as how to think about it all... think of it as being in the past, a toxic relationship from which you learned a lot but would never go back, and set some goals for yourself and focus forward only.

 

When she crosses your mind, try to let it pass without any emotional response, like a cloud drifting by on a summer day. Inconsequential, natural, no big deal.

 

Stay away from the alcohol.

[awacs88]

My lease is up in about a month and a half. I also am finishing my bachelors degree next month, all is looking up but its still just not easy being constantly reminded. She claims i was terrible to her in our relationship and anyone around us would completely laugh at that statement. And because she has manipulated my brain into thinking this i give he too much empathy for some reason which has been a reason for reaching out to her a few times.

 

I told her yesterday "i cant wait to move out of this apt so i can never see your car or you again" and she replied "holy ****ing **** youre literally harassing me leave me the **** alone" so that was that.

[awacs88]

its frustrating knowing she basically lives at her friends apt while she doesn't pay a dime for, yet she spends all her money on EDM shows and drugs. You'd think youd spend your money on rent, but nope.