Should I see him in 5 weeks when he returns from a summer course?

[Bellona]

Hello all,

 

Well, the guy I've been dating for almost 7 months left for a summer grad school course. He didn't want to do a LDR, and he's the one who said he didn't want to "burn bridges."

 

I said goodbye to him Thursday night. He wouldn't let me go home when I wanted to. He was getting clingy. We had a great time that day, even though I debated whether to see him. I shouldn't negate his feelings--even he didn't feel something for me, then we wouldn't have been seeing each other so much right up to the end (sex not a factor, either).

 

He reiterated how he'll miss me, we recalled a lot of the good times we had together, and when he tried to be affectionate I kinda pulled back and said it's hard because "we don't want the same things." At this, he became concerned and said we're just being pulled apart "for a while."

 

That "for a while" statement came up quite a few times. How should I regard it?

 

He said he wants us to keep in touch--to fill each other in on what's going on. I am on a trip to DC to clear my head and try to rebuild my heart. He comes back in August and wants to do things with me. He doesn't want to do NC (maybe he will if he hooks up with a replacement).

 

Should I see him in August? How should I proceed these next few weeks? I have no doubts that he cares about me and will miss me, but I doubt if he'll ask me to move closer to be with him as I had suggested before. Is there any hope that he will decide that a LDR is possible? I may be only 2 hours away from him in September.

 

Any advice is MUCH appreciated by yours truly. I couldn't sleep last night for running over our last evening together in our head.

[millefiori]

My recommendation would be to keep the communication light and nice and see how it develops. I don't think it's possible to keep one's feelings perfectly balanced over a long time. He will either start missing you and wanting to have you closer, thus communicating more with you or he will slowly disappear. If the interest wasn't that deep and he only wanted to keep you on the backburner, then the quality of the communication automatically over time will fade.

 

I think love is a natural flowing process. Sometimes we're a bit scared of it, but when we take the time and let it develop at its own speed things will fall into their right space. Your friend is maybe a bit scared, too. If that is all, then he will come back to you. If not he never was yours.

 

Nevertheless, he seems to be a tad selfish and self-centered when he said he didn't want to burn all bridges and stay in contact with you without agreeing to a relationship with committment. Let his sorry ass bleed for this when he decides he does want you and you're still interested in him.

[Bellona]

Originally posted by millefiori

 

Nevertheless, he seems to be a tad selfish and self-centered when he said he didn't want to burn all bridges and stay in contact with you without agreeing to a relationship with committment. Let his sorry ass bleed for this when he decides he does want you and you're still interested in him.

 

haha That's great! Great advice, too. My little trip made me realize how much potential I have and that I should start developing it. I will keep in touch with him--I'll let him make the first contact. We haven't spoken in 3 days. We've both been traveling, and he has just settled in to his new digs.

 

Not that 6 weeks away from a person can make you realize if you were meant to be together, but it definitely tests how much you feel for a person. He occupied my mind at so many points during my trip. I hope he's thinking of me as much (I did see what he packed for this initial class--it included books I had bought for him, as well as some CDs with personal touches).

 

All I can do, at this point, is to be positive when I communicate with him, open to seeing him in August--and I'll see what happens then. Either he'll only want to be friends, or it will be evident that his feelings for me haven't dissipated. I hope for the latter, but if not then there's someone else out there who will appreciate an atypical chick like me.