SweetLikeCinnamon Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 There's this guy from my past who I didn't even get to stage of dating with, we just spoke a lot for a couple of months, but things ended really badly and we fell out.. This was three years ago. But for whatever reason I've never fully been able to get him off my mind and I finally reconnected with him February of this year. He was happy to hear from me and apologised for the past and basically it's clear he's grown and changed a lot and we've been getting on extremely well, even more so than before. We talk every single day and night at this point, but we still haven't met up since reconnecting. There are two problems here; distance and money. We know each other from university, but whilst I'm currently finishing my degree he moved back to his home town a year ago. He wants to come up here but he has been in between jobs for a few months and is completely broke. He has brought up us meeting up many times but has always said he can't make any promises because he doesn't know when he'll get a job. He's almost gotten a few jobs but they've fallen through last minute since he can only work for a few months before he goes to the army, so he's not very employable. So our plans have been postponed many times because of this. I don't believe he's making excuses as he often gets into depressive moods about the fact he hasn't got any money at all and simply has a roof over his head and food to eat courtesy of his family, but can't do anything at all for himself or see anyone. He's also always been the one to bring up us meeting up in the first place. Well, as of three days ago I've been back in my home town, which happens to neighbour his. When I told him I'd be here he said that hopefully he can finally visit me, though it depends on when he hears about this job which he's been waiting to get confirmation from for the last few weeks. At this point I'm kind of fed up of waiting to be honest, especially since he's going away in 2 months. I've been thinking of suggesting that I go visit him but I feel kind of funny inviting myself to his town (it's in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do). Also things could still be awkward if he feels he needs to pay for things whilst I'm there, because he can't. I don't mind paying for some things but don't know if he'll funny about that. He admitted he felt embarrassed the first time he had to cancel on me because of money and thanked me a lot for understanding and not being weird about it. So I just don't want to do the wrong thing here as I know guys can be funny about money. Any suggestions? Thanks.
joseb Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Any suggestions? Thanks. Yes - find someone that lives close to you to date. And meet up with them, rather than spending hours talking online/on the phone. And even better if they are not broke. 1
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 He lives in next town? so it's close? Go for a coffee than a walk in the park. Cost $1,65 X 2. You or him should be able to afford this. Why are you pursuing this man if he is leaving in 2 months?
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 I'm pursuing him because I have a strong connection with him so I'm not just going to let the chance slip away. I've gone on many dates in my time and it's very rare that I like someone, but this is one person I've always felt strongly for, so I'm not going to just walk away from it without trying. I live in London so despite him living near it's very expensive for him to travel here and around the city. I wouldn't mind going to a park or something near him however. I just want to make sure I don't put him in an awkward situation.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 If you want to see this guy then why not visit him for the day? I'm sure if you are creative you can do something together that doesn't money, even if it is just walking around town and taking in the sights. There are lots of possibilities of free activities if you are open minded and think outside the box. For example, if there is a park you could bring a picnic so it doesn't involve any money for food while you are there. It just really boils down to how much you like this guy and whether you think he is worth the effort. If you decide to go ahead and visit, make a plan and then let him know what you would like to do. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just a fun day together. See how it goes from there.
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I'm pursuing him because I have a strong connection with him so I'm not just going to let the chance slip away. I've gone on many dates in my time and it's very rare that I like someone, but this is one person I've always felt strongly for, so I'm not going to just walk away from it without trying. Dating a man that will leave for training for months then be transferred on a base probably across the country is asking for a heartbreak, but it's your heart so.... I live in London so despite him living near it's very expensive for him to travel here and around the city. I wouldn't mind going to a park or something near him however. I just want to make sure I don't put him in an awkward situation. He doesn't work and has no money so go to him. Go for a coffee and walk in a park, or make a picnic for the both of you and meet in a park in his area. Yes it's ok for you to spend a couple of bucks to meet this guy. If you prepare a picnic and meet in a park he won't ever see you reach for your wallet so no ego bruised.
joseb Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 If you want to see him, and he has no money right now, I don't see the problem in you paying - you are essentially taking him out after all. Maybe not gender traditional, but so what. However, the whole him going away in two months....if you just want a fling, I'd say go for it - but you say you feel a connection, so as Gaeta said, I think you might be setting yourself up for heartbreak. ps Coffee in Canada must be cheap! Here it's more like $5 x 2
Author SweetLikeCinnamon Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 Thanks for the tips guys, I will suggest me going over there for a picnic or something similar. I'm not looking for a fling and I know he isn't either. I know it isn't the ideal situation, but I rather play it by ear and see what happens. He also seems to reckon that after his initial training he'll be in a position to visit a lot more that he is able to now.
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