FWB Friends With Benefits relationship ended and I am miserable

[Wilshirebound]

Hello everyone. I need to get this off of my chest because i am in pain at the moment. First off, this whole thing is my fault. No one is to blame and yet maybe this ads to my misery. I have never been in a true FWB type of arrangement before. And to be honest this was more of a F*** Buddy Situation in retrospect.

 

It's my fault because I should have never gone down this road to begin with. I am 41 and should be seeking out a healthy long term situation. I date and have online dating profiles and don't have too big an issue meeting women but I haven't found what I am looking for yet. So, here are the details about my situation. I have recently broken off a few budding romances. These were casual situations that had potential to go longer but I cut them off as soon as I felt it wasn't right. I don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone else and I hate being strung along when the shoe is on the other foot.

 

So I'm out there dating and dating and never really clicking with anyone. I haven't had a crush in forever. So, what do i do? I turn to Craigslist. I know, I know, like I said this is all my fault. I have actually met some cool people on CL. I met a roommate that is still a great friend and some years ago i dated a girl off there and it was lovely.

 

So, I sometimes will answer a post just out of curiosity. I want to see who is on the other side of the computer screen. So, I answer a post from a single asian girl who is looking for a FWB relationship with someone tall. Simple enough. She's probably hideous and diseased and a CL low life. I have never had a strong preference for Asian women so let's see what comes back. This is not to say that I do not respect or recognize the beauty of asian women but as a romantic preference I just have not connected.

 

So I send a pic and a day later she messages me back that she thinks I am cute. So at least she isn't a robot. I ask for a picture and a while later I see a pic of her. She's super cute. I mean shes a really beautiful woman. She also happens to be 24. I am 41. I know, I know....My fault. So I know almost immediately this is doomed to fail. I am 16 years older than her and we are meeting in the Casual Encounters section of CL. but I am too curious and she is too cute for me to turn away now. I also want her to feel comfortable and safe with me. Even though I admit to answering an ad on Casual Encounters, I honestly am not into that. If at any point i feel she is fake or weird or sleazy I will bail. But i also want her to see me as a good guy. We face time and again we hit off. I have her laughing and smiling and I can already feel amazing chemistry. I like this girl already. She shares with me that she was a virgin up until the previous summer. She is Korean and was a Born Again that had been a missionary. She has only had three sex partners. I am blown away by this. I feel like I have found a diamond in the rough. This beautiful woman who is curious about sex and has only had sex three times has just dropped in my lap. She has been tested and wants to explore.

 

So I set up a date to go out a few days later. I text her around the time we are going to meet and she says she's tired and can we skip the date and can we just watch a movie at my place. Sure, why not. I just wanted to make her feel at ease but if she wants to come over I have no issue with that. So she comes over and again she is tall and beautiful. I show her around and we plop down on the couch and watch "A few good Men". We start to hold hands and cuddle and then make out. The kissing itself is unreal. The chemistry is off the charts. We go upstairs and proceed to have sex. The sex is some of the absolute best sex i have ever had in my life. She is sexy, and caring and passionate and sensual. We have sex for three hours. When it is over I walk her to the door and give her a kiss and she leaves. I feel like I have just been hit by a truck. I realize almost immediately that this is going to end badly for me.

 

So, now what? How do these things work? Do I ring a bell? Do I text her I want more? Do I play it cool? Should I wait and see if she texts first? Certainly she had to be feeling something. I mean maybe we met on CL but hot damn that was good sex. So i text her and tell her i had a really good time and she agrees. We text intermittently over the next few days and meet up two more times within the first week. Each time we meet it's about fifteen minutes of conversation and then hours of amazing passionate sex. Cuddling, kissing, massaging, everything you could ever want. Stuff thet FWB should not be doing. The kissing alone is so intimate. then i crash at her place and wake up and take off.

 

Now when i text she texts a little and falls off. nothing for days. I text again about ten days later and we meet up again. I am not being clingy or anything but she never texts me first. But the sex is still amazing. Then two weeks go by before we see each other again. Sex is amazing. This is one month to the date from when we first met. But i am realizing that each time might very well be the end. I am not letting her see me sweat but i am kind of sweating it. My stomach is in knots waiting for her to respond and tell me i should come over. I am very much on the weak side of the equation here. During some pillow talk she even tells me that even if it worked it could never work because her dad wouldn't allow it. And i rationally know that it is insane to think it could work. But we have such magical sex and chemistry. So, the fifth meeting was the last meeting. I waited ten day before texting her again and she said that she probably wouldn't be wanting sex for a while. I didn't press.

 

Part of me was relieved. I was not handling this very well and our next meeting was all consuming to me. should i text? Will he text? How can she not want more? The sex is so good. She's so gorgeous. What if she cuts it off?

 

So I just say cool and that I really think she's a great woman and she can text or call me whenever. So far she has not but neither have I. I won't text her. I refuse to. I want her too bad and I know one more sex session will do zero to abate that.

 

The real kicker and another plus in the beginning was that we lived close to each other. I had mentioned a local bar as a spot for our first date that never happened and also mentioned it in a text one time when she asked where i was. And when we were together she said "you like that bar a lot" and I said yeah i can walk to it.

 

So I go to my favorite bar ten days after our last meeting to meet some friends and play darts. i am still hooked on her but not going to contact her. I'm just going to play it cool and let the love poison die inside me. When as i am walking to the back of the bar where the dart boards are i see her on a date with a guy. She is literally perched at the dart board area with some guy that's tall and has glasses like me. I play darts while watching these two flirt on what must be a tinder/CL date. I am really really bummed out but in a weird way it's nice to see her. She's still so beautiful and I can't hate on her for dating. She's 24! She's hot! She told me from the beginning what she wanted and did not waiver. I got mixed up in thinking I could handle her. That i could have this casual fling with such a beauty only to be cut off. I knew it would happen from the first kiss. This short lived and insanely erotic moment in time. Lovers only while we existed in the same space and then poof. And now this bastard is with her. He also has no idea of what things she and i had done, but what does that matter. Maybe she doesn't even like him. Maybe she will take him home and sleep with him. She did it with me. Maybe she will see that because she is inexperienced what we had was hard to find and that this guy is inferior. Or maybe he will rock her world...I doubt it but it's all i could imagine.

 

Don't get me wrong, it's not love. I don't love this girl. But I could and i would. But she got her fill and has moved on. The question was...was it worth it? Was all the great sex and closeness worth it now as I play darts and watch them flirt in my periphery. Plus, i am playing it way cool. I have always played it super cool. We do eventually exchange an awkward wave wen he gets up to grab a beer. Why is she here at my bar? She knows i go here. She must have known there was an outside chance at meeting here. Anyway, they left and i stayed and drank a bit more. I woke up this morning feeling worse for having seen her. I was doing ok. How can i be this idiotic! Why does this girl have me feeling like i just got dumped by a long term girlfriend? What was i thinking? Did they go home and screw? Will she text me? What if she does? Why do I care? Why am I, at 41, messing around like this. I mean most guys would have done what i did. I am not married, She is stunning, we had chemistry. I just wish i met her late in her life or she was closer to mine. Last night hurt. today hurts. I can't even look at any woman and think they measure up. And now i am convinced that Korean women are the most beautiful women on Earth. I'm out of my mind.

 

But i will be fine. I did this to myself. I answered a stupid ad on CL and got a bout of heartbreak from a beautiful girl. One month of passion gone in an instant. I wonder how she felt about me. Did she feel anything? But she's 24 so who cares. Don't mess around with 24 year olds. even if she fell in love with me in 10 years she will be 34 and i'll be 51. And what would that look like. It was never going to happen and i think maybe it was too passionate. We couldn't keep it up. So, I am glad it's over. I am not built for this. I now know what i need and that is a Long term Committed relationship where cuddling and kissing and texting are not rule breakers.

 

I just hope she doesn't keep dragging men to my favorite bar. That might suck. And I hope she doesn't text me...I think. I mean it would be nice for her to text. But would I say no? Or would i run to her. Ahhh, she probably won't text. But i know one thing for sure, i will never text her again. I know, I know, I'm so strong and virile. What self control i have.

 

Thanks for listening. I welcome any thoughts. Don't be too harsh on me.

Edited June 12, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[LD1990]

I'm having serious doubts that the 24-year-old girl you met on the casual encounters section of Craigslist, who came over to your place and started banging you within 15 minutes, only had sex three times before she met you. Odds are, there have been many more guys who have heard that "I've only had sex three times" line from her.

 

It sounds like you've figured out that you're not cut out for these casual relationships. Best way to go is to delete and block this girl. She's never going to give you what you want, and any further contact is just going to prolong your misery.

[frigginlost]

I'm having serious doubts that the 24-year-old girl you met on the casual encounters section of Craigslist, who came over to your place and started banging you within 15 minutes, only had sex three times before she met you. Odds are, there have been many more guys who have heard that "I've only had sex three times" line from her.

 

It sounds like you've figured out that you're not cut out for these casual relationships. Best way to go is to delete and block this girl. She's never going to give you what you want, and any further contact is just going to prolong your misery.

 

^^ That.

 

You were not her first rodeo, nor were you her third.

 

She most definitely has been around... a bunch.

 

Block her, forget about her, and don't beat yourself up.