MATH91 Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Hi, I'm currently using an online dating site and have been talking to a girl since last weekend. I'm quite interested in her and she seems interested too. We started messaging together last Thursday in the afternoon. We sent back messages (quite long messages) from Thursday to Sunday evening. The average time between each reply was anything from 1 hour to 7 hours or so. There were about 6/7 messages sent overall. As I say, quite detailed messages, all messages of which indicated a lot of interest from both sides. I know she works at a school and I know it was Half term break last week, but I haven't had a reply since last weekend. Am I looking into this a bit too much? It has confused me a bit because I could tell we were both really into getting to know each other, asking open ended questions each time we messaged and more. Admittedly I'm always on my phone but what step should I take here if any? I was thinking of waiting till the end of tomorrow? That would be a week or so without a reply. It's worth saying that I don't think she's been online the website recently, although I know she did read my message late on Sunday. Is this a case of interested but not interested enough to want to reply more or should I wait a bit and follow up with some kind of chilled out un needy message. Thanks for any suggestions. For the record the last message I sent was at 7:20pm Sunday last week. Message was read 11:30pm that day.
smackie9 Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 You get to know a person on dates not messaging. You should have asked her out by now.....a lot of people don't want to be someone's OLD penpal. If you truly have interest in a woman you ask her out for a cup of coffee or meet up for a slice of pizza. 1
californiablonde Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Did you exchange messages through email only? I say this because my personal experience on a dating website revealed that anyone who continue to message me without exchanging or at least attempting to obtain phone numbers after a couple of days of several emails was generally not interested in meeting. They were more like time wasters who wanted to indefinitely communicate through email for the sake of attention or internet companionship verses real life companionship. Again I say this because this is what happened every time I started talking to a new guy and he didn't offer his phone number after a couple of days. After a while the messages would drag on and it didn't seem like it was going anywhere. The only exception was one guy who was in China for two weeks. But even then he set up a date scheduled a day or two after his return on the 5th email. Personally, I wouldn't waste your time. She can reach out to if she is really interested.
Author MATH91 Posted June 10, 2016 Author Posted June 10, 2016 You get to know a person on dates not messaging. You should have asked her out by now.....a lot of people don't want to be someone's OLD penpal. If you truly have interest in a woman you ask her out for a cup of coffee or meet up for a slice of pizza. Yeah, the conversation was flowing well, however I find it hard to believe she has been put off by the fact that I haven't asked her, judging by her previous message(s). However yes I agree. What's my next course of action? Obviously there's not much I can do if she doesn't reply?? Is there harm in sending a follow up 6 days after the last message? What should I write?
Author MATH91 Posted June 10, 2016 Author Posted June 10, 2016 Did you exchange messages through email only? I say this because my personal experience on a dating website revealed that anyone who continue to message me without exchanging or at least attempting to obtain phone numbers after a couple of days of several emails was generally not interested in meeting. They were more like time wasters who wanted to indefinitely communicate through email for the sake of attention or internet companionship verses real life companionship. Again I say this because this is what happened every time I started talking to a new guy and he didn't offer his phone number after a couple of days. After a while the messages would drag on and it didn't seem like it was going anywhere. The only exception was one guy who was in China for two weeks. But even then he set up a date scheduled a day or two after his return on the 5th email. Personally, I wouldn't waste your time. She can reach out to if she is really interested. Yeah this is through an email system on the website. I understand all that, I think if she was really bothered enough she would have at least come back by now! I know people have lives and I do too but 5/6 days after the last message is still quite a delay.
smackie9 Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Yeah, the conversation was flowing well, however I find it hard to believe she has been put off by the fact that I haven't asked her, judging by her previous message(s). However yes I agree. The boards are full of posts by women asking why a guy that they have been chatting with hasn't asked them out yet. They feel the guy must be weighing other options which would make them feel they are just wasting their time. Confidence wins the girl. You message twice, then ask them out. 1
MidwestUSA Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Yeah, the conversation was flowing well, however I find it hard to believe she has been put off by the fact that I haven't asked her, judging by her previous message(s). I'd have stopped responding too if someone had been texting me for three days, but didn't want to progress to speaking on the phone or meeting. Your last shot is to ask her out. On a date. Because that's what dating sites are for. Maybe she accepted a date with a guy who asked at 7:21pm that Sunday, and she read your message at 11:30 when she got home. Who knows?
Author MATH91 Posted June 10, 2016 Author Posted June 10, 2016 I'd have stopped responding too if someone had been texting me for three days, but didn't want to progress to speaking on the phone or meeting. Your last shot is to ask her out. On a date. Because that's what dating sites are for. Maybe she accepted a date with a guy who asked at 7:21pm that Sunday, and she read your message at 11:30 when she got home. Who knows? So shall I follow up now and just give her my number and say Id love to go out for a drink etc etc and leave it as that? I hate following up to myself although I realise I may have shot myself in the foot on this one!
phineas Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Yeah, the conversation was flowing well, however I find it hard to believe she has been put off by the fact that I haven't asked her, judging by her previous message(s). However yes I agree. What's my next course of action? Obviously there's not much I can do if she doesn't reply?? Is there harm in sending a follow up 6 days after the last message? What should I write? Yes she has. I stop talking to women who don't want to give me their number after a few messages because they are wasting my time. Women complain about this also with online. Next time, go for those digits within the 4th or 5th message. I just come right out and ask after a few to get it out of the way. If she is interested she will give it.
californiablonde Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 They have already said but send one last email suggesting a date and if she doesn't respond you have your answer. Also just for clarification if I was bothered by someone not asking me out I definitely would not have come back to them after a week. I was already on to the next person. 1
Gaeta Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 You started messaging last Thursday, you should have set a date to meet her over that weekend. People are online to 'meet' not to message. After a couple of message you offer your phone number and you set up a date. I would have never EVER message a man from Thursday to Sunday with no phone calls and no plans to meet. Send her a last message and ask her if she wants to meet over a coffee this weekend.
Author MATH91 Posted June 10, 2016 Author Posted June 10, 2016 Thanks for all the messages. Are you all from the Americas? As an observation, although I'm in complete agreement with you all I think Brit guys are far less forward generally speaking. Girls here are just difficult as f*ck to be honest and when you find a gem I often over complicate things. I've committed my ultimate pet hate and replied to myself and basically given my number and said I'd love to go for a drink this weekend etc. Short and sweet, no smilies, just to the point. Yay or nay. Thanks everyone. I will defo let you guys know if she replies!! Haha 2
Author MATH91 Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 Ok so little update. Sent her an email last night (uk time) at 11:30pm. I got a text this morning at 7:30 basically saying something along the lines of "Hi "my name", sorry I haven't replied yet it's been a manic week, (a few more lines of text about telling me how busy her week was) and i'd love to meet up too, maybe for a drink at some point after work next week?" BOOM. So lesson learnt, it is possible that people actually have busy lives..! Thanks everyone! 3
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Ok so little update. Sent her an email last night (uk time) at 11:30pm. I got a text this morning at 7:30 basically saying something along the lines of "Hi "my name", sorry I haven't replied yet it's been a manic week, (a few more lines of text about telling me how busy her week was) and i'd love to meet up too, maybe for a drink at some point after work next week?" BOOM. So lesson learnt, it is possible that people actually have busy lives..! Thanks everyone! see Now your job is to book a date with her right away. Offer a time and place and close the deal ! 1
sid3 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 You're doomed. The lesson wasn't that people have busy lives. You need to grow a pair and take chances. Like another poster replied, confidence wins the girl, and fortune favors the bold. I'd don't think women in the U.K. are the slightest bit different, if it makes you feel better to think they're more difficult so be it.
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