steppero Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 I met this girl on one of those online dating sites. We spoke for a few weeks before meeting, we have met twice so far, she says she feels comfortable around me, she enjoys my company, but on the second date idk i just got the impression she was a bit closed off towards me. At the end of the second date we did have a hug and a peck on the lips, then she went on her merry way. She text me when she got home, and the question was burning on my mind weather this girl was serious or not, cause my gut feeling was no she isn't and just playing me for a fool. So i asked her straight out what her thoughts and feelings were about the whole thing, and she replied.... "Im keen to get to know you but i am a big believer in friends first". She has never mentioned that to me before tonight and as soon as i read that line, i was like yep, shes not interested. Am i right to think that she is not interested and just forget about her? 1
Satu Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 You can't expect very much after two dates. You don't know each other yet.
hippychick3 Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Yes, I would assume she's not interested. Interested women don't say they want to be friends first. Move on to someone else. 2
californiablonde Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 I don't think that she is a hundred percent not interested. I think right now she is still very much on the fence and by telling you she wants to be friends first she isn't lying or leading you on in case she changes her mind. After all if she really had no desire to talk to or see you again she could have ignored your texts and ghosted on you. The next date//up coming week will be more indicative of how she feels. If things continue to feel off or she flakes on a third date then you have the truth. However, if she accepts a third date or continues contact as it was before I would not worry about it. I think when women are not sure they tend to give things a little more time before them make a finally decision and that might be where she is at. At the same time another theory to consider is that she is trying to play it cool because she doesn't want to come off as over eager and scare you off. Just because she says she is comfortable around doesn't mean she isn't nervous thus leading her to appear closed off. Again this is merely another way to look at the situation. In the end it is for you to decide whether or not you feel like she is interested and if want to invest any more time. I still say give it one me date after all you have gone this far. Best of luck.
smackie9 Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Some woman say that to make sure you are not just into it for the sex....it's a insecurity thing.
phineas Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Friends first? No problem. Oh and you pay for your own dinner & drinks. i'm not that good a friend. 1
Author steppero Posted June 10, 2016 Author Posted June 10, 2016 Thanks for the opinions, I will go for a 3rd date to determine a clearer picture Friends first? No problem. Oh and you pay for your own dinner & drinks. i'm not that good a friend. Actually she insisted on paying for dinner for the both of us on our second date which suprised me
hippychick3 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Sorry OP, I've used that line (or something similar) with guys where there was something missing and I wanted to give it time before totally writing them off. Or I said that in hopes the guy would back off and not get his hopes up. None of those guys ended up being someone I was interested in. When I was really interested and into the guy, I would never have brought up wanting to be "friends" after the 2nd date.
Author steppero Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 Sorry OP, I've used that line (or something similar) with guys where there was something missing and I wanted to give it time before totally writing them off. Or I said that in hopes the guy would back off and not get his hopes up. None of those guys ended up being someone I was interested in. When I was really interested and into the guy, I would never have brought up wanting to be "friends" after the 2nd date. Maybe you are right. Perhaps i will not text her to see how long it takes her to text me. If I don't hear from her I will have my answer. sometimes silence tells the truth 1
phineas Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Thanks for the opinions, I will go for a 3rd date to determine a clearer picture Actually she insisted on paying for dinner for the both of us on our second date which suprised me not interested and payed so she wouldn't feel obligated to you. 2
Author steppero Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 I actually didn't make it to a 3rd date. I called her out on what she had said. In fact i just point blank told her she is not interested and that she didnt have to protect my feelings. She was rather shocked that i said it. Instead of denying it she asked me why i thought she wasnt interested. I told her she dropped the friends line, that our second date she seemed closed off then she went on about some BS about being burned, when we have all been burned before. Havent heard from her since
Zippy2000 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I actually didn't make it to a 3rd date. I called her out on what she had said. In fact i just point blank told her she is not interested and that she didnt have to protect my feelings. She was rather shocked that i said it. Instead of denying it she asked me why i thought she wasnt interested. I told her she dropped the friends line, that our second date she seemed closed off then she went on about some BS about being burned, when we have all been burned before. Havent heard from her since Its only ben a few days since your last post. Give her time. You never know. She may come back.
Gaeta Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 She said the friend word. She paid for your date. She talked about being burnt. = She is not romantically interested very much. She has other prospects in the work, or is still hung up on an ex, and she is just interested in putting you on her back burner.
Tribble Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 I actually didn't make it to a 3rd date. I called her out on what she had said. In fact i just point blank told her she is not interested and that she didnt have to protect my feelings. She was rather shocked that i said it. Instead of denying it she asked me why i thought she wasnt interested. I told her she dropped the friends line, that our second date she seemed closed off then she went on about some BS about being burned, when we have all been burned before. Havent heard from her since To be fair, if I'd been interested before, I wouldn't be now. You basically told her how she felt. She may not have been interested, but she may have been. The 'friend' word is sometimes given a bad rep in a romantic situation. My best relationship started off as friends first, I need that to get warmed up. I hate diving into romantic things. For me, that's the problem with online dating, everything is dating and progressing and getting the spark. Not getting to know someone. And paying for the meal? I'm assuming you paid for the first date? Honestly, this is a minefield for both sexes! I would have done the same, even if I was interested. I don't think it is down to the guy to pay for everything. So, assuming she wasn't using that line to blow you off (which she could have been!) I completely see where she is coming from. If you'd had this conversation, it might have been easier to establish exactly what she meant. Over text, we have know idea of her true meaning. But I think 'calling her out' and being, what felt a little aggressive means that this is done. 1
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