LookAtThisPOst Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 just a question on this, I was in a conversation with a woman that's in her mid-40s, single and lives in my area...small town suburbia. But, she really has nothing to do with the social life in this area and tends to travel about 2 hours to the big city where where there are upscale venues she tends to enjoy with other female friends. She works and lives in this area, but she's told me based on what she wears at work, that her co-workers or even locals tend to make remarks about her attire as she is a "flashy" dresser. Not a sexy dresser, just wears the name brand stuff, Gucci bags, picture the ladies that wear what they wear to the Kentucky Derby (minus the big hat) or what they would wear to a country club. A lot jewelry, she tends to do "posed" pictures during group photos. Most women around here dress cute when they go out or modestly. But she goes all out no matter what the occasion. She sticks out like a sore thumb in a community of modestly dressed people. lol I mean, gentlemen, have you ever looked at a woman decided "Meh, she's hot, but looks high maint."?
preraph Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 I'm female, but in general I find "high maintenance" entertaining. I love watching say a musician get dressed and made up and do hair for a gig. But what I don't like is artificial style. I've known people who simply couldn't afford it who were so insecure and didn't have their own identity who would fill that void and insecurity about themselves by going in debt they'd never recover from by wearing only designer clothes with the name on the outside. That's not high maintenance, though, it's lost and desperate, so I don't like those.
carhill Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 I tend to go by person not bling. The bling is just stuff. Like a friend recently shared, it's the same thing just different numbers. Using your example, for some people a Gucci bag is a handbag. Or, as a guy, a Patek watch is a watch. They don't see such stuff as significant. Of course, another person could be completely different. I was reminded this the other day watching Jay play around with the new 360 degree YouTube camera stuff in his XK120. Yeah, he's another rich guy driving a vintage Jaguar but how he presents his interest and care, especially if you've been around him in person, places ahead of 'bling'. Different strokes for different folks. You never know, you might run into a woman who has the bling but really likes guys who love and accept her for her, not the bling. Happens.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Tough call. I know women who are high maintenance who are very entitled and spoiled. They have super high expectations both of themselves and of others. Then there are women who are high maintenance but less self-absorbed. Moral of the story is don't judge a book just by it's cover alone. If you find someone attractive then go for it. If they turn out to be more work than you'd like then stop seeing them. You never know until you try. Good luck. 1
JustGettingBy Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Tough call. I know women who are high maintenance who are very entitled and spoiled. They have super high expectations both of themselves and of others. Then there are women who are high maintenance but less self-absorbed. Moral of the story is don't judge a book just by it's cover alone. If you find someone attractive then go for it. If they turn out to be more work than you'd like then stop seeing them. You never know until you try. Good luck. This pretty much sums it up for me. A women who's all 'princessy' (look at me and my expensive things everyone bought me, I'm so awesome because I deserve all this always) I would never date. However, a well-adjusted woman who buys her own expensive clothes I would definitely give a chance to. 4
Tayla Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 When ALL there is...is the Cover (no depth), you get what you see. Transparent indeed. There must be a payoff for both sides to endure such a superficial relationship.
scorpiogirl Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) just a question on this, I was in a conversation with a woman that's in her mid-40s, single and lives in my area...small town suburbia. But, she really has nothing to do with the social life in this area and tends to travel about 2 hours to the big city where where there are upscale venues she tends to enjoy with other female friends. She works and lives in this area, but she's told me based on what she wears at work, that her co-workers or even locals tend to make remarks about her attire as she is a "flashy" dresser. Not a sexy dresser, just wears the name brand stuff, Gucci bags, picture the ladies that wear what they wear to the Kentucky Derby (minus the big hat) or what they would wear to a country club. A lot jewelry, she tends to do "posed" pictures during group photos. Most women around here dress cute when they go out or modestly. But she goes all out no matter what the occasion. She sticks out like a sore thumb in a community of modestly dressed people. lol I mean, gentlemen, have you ever looked at a woman decided "Meh, she's hot, but looks high maint."? Wait, so are you saying this woman is high maintenance because she likes to dress nicely and look good? She can afford expensive brands but she shouldn't wear them because nobody in your [] town can match her? You yourself have very little good things to say about the place you live or the people who live there but you'd like for her to fit in with them? And you? If a hot woman is giving you any kind of attention, can you afford to be "picky"? Edited June 11, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language 1
Imajerk17 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) I consider taking pride in one's appearance a plus. Meanwhile LATP I think scorpiogirl pointed out something really astute....you don't seem to like people who fit in too much in your small town, and yet you seem to nitpick people who *stand out* too. Which is it? Edited June 11, 2016 by Imajerk17
Shining One Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I have no problems dating "high maintenance" women as long as they maintain themselves. Fortunately, this is something you find out early on while dating.
GemmaUK Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Simple, if you don't like what she wears don't date her. To me it sounds like she takes pride in her appearance and is able to afford designer labels. As others have said though you do complain rather a lot about women in your area - so what is it that you want exactly? You often complain that women are too picky which is kind of ironic... 5
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 Simple, if you don't like what she wears don't date her. To me it sounds like she takes pride in her appearance and is able to afford designer labels. As others have said though you do complain rather a lot about women in your area - so what is it that you want exactly? You often complain that women are too picky which is kind of ironic... I wasn't complaining about here, just going off what she told me on the phone that her co-workers actually and just people in the area made comments. I don't care either way. lol I thought that she was attractive regardless. I did try to ask her out, but she is in some kind of wish-washy relationship with a boyfriend that she started dating that's paying her no attention and is a smoker. So nope, not picky.
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 Wait, so are you saying this woman is high maintenance because she likes to dress nicely and look good? She can afford expensive brands but she shouldn't wear them because nobody in your [] town can match her? You yourself have very little good things to say about the place you live or the people who live there but you'd like for her to fit in with them? And you? If a hot woman is giving you any kind of attention, can you afford to be "picky"? Funny you mention this, after having taken the email to phone (met her online) I get to talking to her on the phone, I asked her what she likes to do for fun. She said she goes to <name of big city 2 hours away>. She lives where I live, but told me she has no interest in the small town craft fairs, art fests, or whatever goes on in HER area. I think she implies that she has no interest in small town events, but would rather commute 2 hours to a more upscale area. Perhaps she thinks the fun stuff in her area are beneath her?
GemmaUK Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 If you thought what you did of her: High maintenance; Sticks out like a sore thumb; The local fun stuff is beneath her. then I don't understand why you asked her out in the first place? My only other thought is that your own judgements here are the result of her rejecting you. If the lady had agreed to the date I doubt you would have posted this. 4
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted June 11, 2016 Author Posted June 11, 2016 If you thought what you did of her: High maintenance; Sticks out like a sore thumb; The local fun stuff is beneath her. then I don't understand why you asked her out in the first place? My only other thought is that your own judgements here are the result of her rejecting you. If the lady had agreed to the date I doubt you would have posted this. The original post isn't about me though, but just with high maint. women in general. The few posts following mine stayed on topic...you try to keep in on topic as well.
elaine567 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 She said she goes to <name of big city 2 hours away>. She lives where I live, but told me she has no interest in the small town craft fairs, art fests, or whatever goes on in HER area. I think she implies that she has no interest in small town events, but would rather commute 2 hours to a more upscale area. Perhaps she thinks the fun stuff in her area are beneath her? She likes what she likes, you seem to despise her for HER choices. You appear to be trying to drum up support for your opinion that she should just be happy with small town life. Maybe she should get a checked shirt, a pair of dungarees, a t-shirt and some leggings, put on 6 stone and start baking for the local women's group... Would that make you happier? Its horses for courses, she wants to go to a big city to socialise, is that really so very "wrong" and "high maintenance"? My guess she goes there as she enjoys the atmosphere, she wants more choice of venues, and she wants to meet a man, one who will not see her as "flashy or "high maintenance", one who wants the same things she wants. If the thought of a "flashy" woman going to the <big city> for fun, stresses you out, then she is NOT obviously the woman for you. 4
Jabron1 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I mean, gentlemen, have you ever looked at a woman decided "Meh, she's hot, but looks high maint."? If you have no intention of being a provider, then high-maintenance doesn't matter so much. Don't worry about it. Just do your thing. She either goes with it or not.
GemmaUK Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 The original post isn't about me though, but just with high maint. women in general. The few posts following mine stayed on topic...you try to keep in on topic as well. With all due respect the OP is about you as well as the lady in question. You have another thread going about a lady with 7 selfie shots on her profile and again I am wondering if she didn't reply to you or said no to a date and that those are the reasons you posted about her and women who have selfies on their OLD profiles. I would love to see you coupled up OP but I can't help but see from your posts and threads that you have a problem with women and you have said yourself before that women should not have a choice and should date whomever asks them out. You posted this about 2 years ago somewhere within someone's ele's thread. We have all been here attempting to help you - and most definitely when you opened up and spoke about how you look and dress - you got some great advice - I hope you have upped that - look good and you feel good - it never fails! There is another idea - change your behaviour and your attitude will change. I do this - all of the time and relating to many things. It's my responsibility and it helps me have a happy life. You seem perpetually annoyed over your interactions with women. I find that sad. On topic: I have no problem dating a man who wears all designer stuff. However, I don't wear designer. I have a few pieces simply because I liked them but they were thrift shop finds where I cared about the fit and the look, not the label. If a man were to insist I wear designer then he isn't the man for me. 2
SammySammy Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Gemma is right. Some of the best women I've known have been women other men consider "out-of-their-league" or "high maintenance". The problem is not the woman being herself or doing what makes her happy, but the man's insecurity. Thinking that he doesn't measure up. If you think she's too good for you, she is.
Weezy1973 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I wouldn't date a woman like you describe (and she likely wouldn't date me). My values are very different in terms of money. Spending money on designer clothes to me is frivolous (to me, not saying it is). Having similar values is kind of the cornerstone of good relationships. 1
Jabron1 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) You are flipping the script on him Don't take this stuff seriously OP. With all due respect the OP is about you as well as the lady in question. You have another thread going about a lady with 7 selfie shots on her profile and again I am wondering if she didn't reply to you or said no to a date and that those are the reasons you posted about her and women who have selfies on their OLD profiles. I would love to see you coupled up OP but I can't help but see from your posts and threads that you have a problem with women and you have said yourself before that women should not have a choice and should date whomever asks them out. You posted this about 2 years ago somewhere within someone's ele's thread. We have all been here attempting to help you - and most definitely when you opened up and spoke about how you look and dress - you got some great advice - I hope you have upped that - look good and you feel good - it never fails! There is another idea - change your behaviour and your attitude will change. I do this - all of the time and relating to many things. It's my responsibility and it helps me have a happy life. You seem perpetually annoyed over your interactions with women. I find that sad. "One of the surest indicators of an AFC-beta mindset is the automatic presumption that anything remotely critical a man would say about women, or the feminine, is by default, equated with misogyny. All a man need do is open his mouth, in the most objective way he can muster, about anything critical of the feminine and he’s instantly suspect of sour grapes. He must’ve been burned, or is bitter and on the verge of desperation just for even a passing mention of some critical observation of women’s incongruent behaviors. What an amazingly potent social convention that is – when a man will censor himself because of it on his own. The most successful social conventions are ones in which the subject willingly sublimates his own interests, discourages questioning it, and predisposes that person to encourage others to participate in it." On topic: I have no problem dating a man who wears all designer stuff. However, I don't wear designer. I have a few pieces simply because I liked them but they were thrift shop finds where I cared about the fit and the look, not the label. If a man were to insist I wear designer then he isn't the man for me. That's not the topic. You have once again flipped the script. I think the chances that you would turn provider and start funding a guy's extravagant lifestyle are fairly slim. Funny you mention this, after having taken the email to phone (met her online) I get to talking to her on the phone, I asked her what she likes to do for fun. She said she goes to <name of big city 2 hours away>. She lives where I live, but told me she has no interest in the small town craft fairs, art fests, or whatever goes on in HER area. I think she implies that she has no interest in small town events, but would rather commute 2 hours to a more upscale area. Perhaps she thinks the fun stuff in her area are beneath her? Look LATP, it's obvious this girl has a certain lifestyle in mind - and that you don't really fit into that (at least not long-term). More importantly, where does she fit in to your lifestyle? You should be considering that. I did try to ask her out, but she is in some kind of wish-washy relationship with a boyfriend that she started dating that's paying her no attention and is a smoker. So nope, not picky. Nothing wrong with being picky. I'm not sure of the ins and outs of your dealings with this woman. She was on a dating site, and gave you her number, but then told you she has a 'boyfriend'? In the very first phonecall? I think there are more problems here than what she does for hobbies or whatever. It sounds like she is collecting orbiters to me. Edited June 11, 2016 by Jabron1 1
GemmaUK Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I think the chances that you would turn provider and start funding a guy's extravagant lifestyle are fairly slim. I wouldn't and I never once suggested LATP should either! He damn well shouldn't IMO. Her choice of designer gear is her choice for her to sustain.
elaine567 Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 If she lives alone in the suburbs then she is most likely able to source her own designer labels, to assume she is some high maintenance gold digger is I feel a step too far. She may indeed be queen of the designer fakes or she hunts for stuff in the sales or ebay or car boots, or she is indeed very rich, or she is someone who just knows how to turn pretty ordinary stuff into magic. Some women are brilliant with clothes. Who knows? but assumptions and judgements abound... "I have a bf" is standard rejection stuff.
ZA Dater Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 You know I feel "high maintenance" is a load of rubbish in many respects. People like what they do, because a lady likes nice things and aspires to them doesn't make her high maintenance. I'd have no problem buying a gf the odd nice thing now and then, taking her on a great holiday. In my experience high maintenance is a very derogatory untrue term, if you like the person and she likes you then you will find a middle ground.
carhill Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I recall meeting one lady at the train station (I was on the train) and she looked, whoa, decked to the nines, including one of her many mink coats, and I was thinking, hmm..... turned out she was one of the most down to earth, low key friends and lovers I'd met at that point. I was just thinking of that recently when clearing out my winter wear for my move and finding the wool muffler she had knitted me during one of my trips. I can laugh at myself now for being such a dope and making that the first time I'd ever turned down the love of a good woman. Heh, my loss. Stuff is stuff. We can't take it with us.
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