AMJ Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 So I met a musician- that's new for me. We've only been out once, but have been talking on the phone and texting for a week or so. We definitely have chemistry, not out of control chemistry, but something is there. I like him, but not nuts about him, at least not yet. He's extremely honest about everything. What is kind of confusing me is that he makes statements that are serious and imply he's looking for a relationship, but then he'll say other things that imply just the opposite. He's always asking me what I want, what kind of guy I'm looking for, and trying to work out logistics about how often we can see each other. I say we should just have fun, get to know each other. But then he says he doesn't want to get involved in a serious relationship right away, still wants to see other people for awhile- I said I do too (it's only been one date). It's just confusing because he's trying to figure out what kinds of things will make me happy, but also says he's not interested in a relationship. And then he wants to talk about exes and what went wrong, which wasn't a weird conversation surprisingly. What was interesting is that he said the sex with his last girlfriend was amazing, but the reason he broke up with her is because they didn't have a deeper connection. They had nothing to talk about. What is weird is that it took him three years to figure that out (that's how long they were together). So he says all of this and then tries to get me to go home with him, lol. Granted, I did suggest that he sing me a song and play guitar (I know, way cheesy). He said he respects that I want to go slower than that, but I get the feeling that he's not okay with waiting at all. Which is fine, if that's the case, he's not for me. But it's ironic because he was saying that he ended his last relationship because they didn't have a connection beyond sex. I'm thinking, well you never will if you don't let a connection grow. I don't really have a question, I guess. Just wanted to get opinions. I asked him if he was only looking for something casual and he said no. So, it's a little bit confusing. Time will tell, I guess.
lolablue17 Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 I thought that only girls are like that :p:p:p He seems very self centered, honest guy who is confused and doesn't know what he wants. It can be charming, especially when you're at the pre-first stage. But at some point when you start seriously dating, he better know what he wants...
Dis Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 Hmm...hes alittle tricky I dont know about you but I usually am dead set on what I want and if a guy's intentions dont match up with mine..I wont waste a second on him This guy seems confused....or....he sometimes gives you the impression that he's investing because he wants sex Ya I'm getting the impression that at times he feels he wants to be honest by telling you he doesnt want anything serious....and other times he thinks with his little head and starts filling your head with nonsense I wouldnt proceed with this guy but if you choose to...be cautious and be aware that his priority might be getting laid....despite all his pretty words 1
PogoStick Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 He says he doesn't want to get tied down. You should believe him. Yet, a guy can still care about you and treat you well even if he doesn't want commitment. Why do you think those things have to occur together? 4
californiablonde Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 My question to you is this. It has only been one date but do you really want to go through all the b.s. of trying to figure this go out? I agree that the odds are probably very high he is going for the sly approach to sex even though he says thats not what he is after. However, lets just say for a second that this not true and he isn't after sex. If he doesn't want sex and doesn't want a relationship and wants to keep seeing other people. Then what does he want? If he can't tell you then I don't know how you can figure it out any better. The contradictory behavior is also suspect because it screamers manipulative behavior. He says things which he thinks you want to hear and then back pedals when its not the right answer.Its a walking headache and too much work to early on. Plus three years to figure out they only had sex in common. Unless he is somewhere in his late teens that just seems like a load of crap. You don't hang on to a relationship if sex is the only fulfilling aspect when you want a greater connection. It seems like he is building himself up to s Ultimately, its up to you but I wouldn't invest to much time or effort with this guy. 1
Author AMJ Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 So he's definitely interested in having sex, so am I. The thing is about our different preferences of timing and being exclusive. So then we are talking and he says that he thinks he will definitely be in a serious relationship within the next year. I think he just doesn't want to get tied down into the wrong relationship- neither do I. I feel like there's probably a bigger reason his last relationship ended, he just didn't want to talk about it. It doesn't make sense to be with someone that long if you don't have any emotional connection.
Jabron1 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 He sounds completely 100% full of sh*t. Take him with a grain of salt, and have some fun. But do not allow yourself to get carried away. 1
Zahara Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 he says that he thinks he will definitely be in a serious relationship within the next year. I think he just doesn't want to get tied down into the wrong relationship- neither do I. Saying definitively that he will be in a serious relationship within the next year sounds like a line to me. I feel like there's probably a bigger reason his last relationship ended, he just didn't want to talk about it. It doesn't make sense to be with someone that long if you don't have any emotional connection. I can't imagine anyone staying with someone for 3 years and having no connection. And he only figured that out 3 years into it. Doesn't sound good at all. Red flag. 1
jen1447 Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 Yeah, too much bs sounding stuff AMJer. It wouldn't really matter but it sounds like it's meant to manipulate you so yeah no.
kendahke Posted June 14, 2016 Posted June 14, 2016 He sounds like he wants a therapist, not a girlfriend. You should tell him you charge $75/hour to listen to him go on about his exes. Perhaps the observations you made in your initial post needs to be conveyed to him.
Author AMJ Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 That's the 2nd BS date I've had in a row. My other date was so much worse than guitar-guy.
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