Never ending crush?

[222soon]

I need some help, or guidance. This is the first time ive asked for help or anything like this so i don't really know where to start so bare with me please. So there's a girl i used to go too school with and before I say anything else id like to say shes a nice girl, just not the most attractive physically but Ive talked to her bedore and shes pretty sincere and sweet, Anyways basicly I was around 17 at this time and Ive never been in a relationship or even had sex to be honest, so yeah somehow i canr remember the details but i had agreed to go to the movies with her, and i ended up flopping on her cause my friend was ragging me about it , and I was pretty known in my school an went to a small sxhool so everyone had heard about it and I let my pride and ego listen to my friend cause i was scared you xould say to diminish my cool persona... very fickle i know. Anyways , so basicly time has gone by im 21 now and this girl has still been messaging me monthly for like 3 years. **** has happened to me during that time and i don't want togo into all that but i feel bad for never tellinf her to scram basicly cause i thought that would be mean to treat a nice girl like i think she is, also it was th e same friend who ragged me who was giving "advice" of just telling her off essentially and even deleting her on social media sites which i probably wouldn't of done my self. Ok so i wanted who ever read this to understand what i was thinking and the whole situation. So basicly the last time i seen her it was with my friend who had kind of made me go just because im cool with him, and i know he was trying to probably help her out cause he lives at her house for a while and became like family. Anyways so we went to her house and it was her birthday, everytime ive been to her house theres always been her mom or like 3 cousins there so i never did any thing really, my friens drove us th ere so w.e but when we got there he had taken 1 shot or maybe 2 and i swear he was boostin like he was to drunk to drive, hell i was stuck there basicly lol no way home cause I didn't even bring any th ing except myself and lived pretty far. So basically as usual shes touching me n stuff basically all over me. And it was late, i couldnt keep my hands to myself, I mean she smelled good what can i say.. but yeah i was feeling her up not to directly thouggh.. iwont go to much into that but yeah there were like 5 people all around us so I wasn't going to try much anyways but it happened regardless, in the morning before leaving she said to me i should come by more often and I had agreed which i kind of regret because Ive kind of become a anti-social or i just have terible interpersonal skills .. i dont know but I also have always believed in positive energy and negative energy and lately ive been feeling regretful of how ive treated this person throughout the years and every message she has sent me made me feel even worse.. my real queation is what should I do? She sent me a message today on instagram saying "i hope you are well.We don't talk. You can unfollow me.." like this **** is starting to eat me up cause i really think its just me being messed up.. I was thinking of telling her the truth, but i dont like expressing myself to anyone. I was thinking od telling her something like this.. "her name - i think ur a really nice girl and everything but i have problems, i dont even respond to my step mothers messages cause im just socially ****ed" I really want to say this but I also dont want to die alone lol. But i really really dont want to mislead her please help this is just too messed and I regret it getting to this... thanks

[preraph]

I think it's fine if you want to tell her you feel like you have too many anxiety or whatever it is problems to be in a relationship, and that she's a nice person and "that's why I feel bad because I didn't intend to lead you on, but it just sort of happened." But be clear that if you do not want to try to pursue her as a girlfriend, that she knows that it was a mistake and that it's because of your emotional or whatever problems, however you define them.

 

Tell her it's outside of your comfort zone.

 

And you are right about one thing: It is about you. And it's stopping you from having a relationship, so it's probably time you got assessed by a psychologist to find out what is going on. It might be treatable!