hbeetee Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Hi all. I was hoping I could get your advice on a situation I'm in. I'll try to keep it short but it's complicated. There's a guy who comes into the place I've been working for the last two years. He's really good looking but he's really quiet, and kind of shy. He's always alone except for a dog he usually has with him. Some people who've known him for a long time say he's always been that way...kind of different, but nice. I don't think he's ever dated anyone as long as I've known him. I saw him in a bar last summer and he wound up flirting with me! After that things were different between us. It seemed like he kind of liked me...then one day he mentioned the night at the bar and told me he didn't know what to think of it, but he'd been thinking about it. I told him that he shouldn't think anything of it, because I was married then. I was going through a really rough time in my marriage, but I'm not a cheater. I didn't see him for almost two months after that. When I saw him again he said he was embarrassed, and that's why he didn't come around. I told him not to be embarrassed, and he seemed to feel better. So I started seeing him again, and we talked, but it didn't seem like he had feelings for me then. But I started getting really serious feelings for him. I ended up getting divorced from my husband because he started doing meth again. I told myself I should wait before dating again, but I think I'm in love with this man. I've tried to let him know that I'm not married anymore without being obvious, but he acts like he doesn't get it. Yesterday my friend mentioned my "ex husband" right in front of him, and he didn't really react. It actually almost seemed like he got kind of cold towards me when he heard that. I saw him again today and it's almost like he went out of his way to ignore me. I don't understand...is this how most guys would act? He knows I'm single now...why's he acting this way? Any ideas you have would be appreciated. Thanks!
RecentChange Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 From the details here I don't think we could tell you what is going through his head or if normal or not. What really jumped our at me is that you think you LOVE him!? Love, really? It doesn't sound like you know him at all. Infatuated perhaps, but I don't see how you can call this love. 1
preraph Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I see so many red flags here. Number one is I can't imagine what is attractive to you about this guy. He sounds like he has no personality at all and then the one thing you've talked about, seeing him at the bar, he sounded judgy that YOU were there, so big old double standard. Next, you might want to be single for a bit since you married a guy who turned into a meth head. So you're not the best picker. You can't love this dude because you barely know him. And lastly, if he's judgy about you being in a bar, divorce is probably completely repugnant to him. I'm sorry that I can't see anything encouraging about this guy and your situation. And also, just because he comes in there alone doesn't mean he isn't dating or even married. He could just be looking to cheat so he's coming in alone.
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) I saw him in a bar last summer and he wound up flirting with me! After that things were different between us. It seemed like he kind of liked me...then one day he mentioned the night at the bar and told me he didn't know what to think of it, but he'd been thinking about it I didn't see him for almost two months after that. When I saw him again he said he was embarrassed, and that's why he didn't come around. He didn't know what to think of what? That you were talking and flirting? And what was he embarrassed about? That he flirted with you? And now he goes out of his way to ignore you? No it's not normal guy behavior... he sounds very weird. Edited June 9, 2016 by katiegrl
Methodical Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 The way ppl put everything on social media these days, I can see where the mysteriousness may seem intriguing, perhaps even slightly alluring. But love? No. Infatuation, doubtful. Curious, probably. This guy is elusive and is now going out of his way to avoid you. That is not the makings of a happy, stable, viable relationship. Take a deep breath and a HUGE step back.
Grg1 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 What passes for normal anyways? It's possible he doesn't get it - guys can be clueless sometimes. Do you have any male friends who can talk to him straight out about it, no hints. Just say "you should ask so and so out"
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I didn't see him for almost two months after that. When I saw him again he said he was embarrassed, and that's why he didn't come around. I told him not to be embarrassed, and he seemed to feel better. So I started seeing him again, and we talked, but it didn't seem like he had feelings for me then. I ended up getting divorced from my husband because he started doing meth again. Yesterday my friend mentioned my "ex husband" right in front of him, and he didn't really react. It actually almost seemed like he got kind of cold towards me when he heard that. I saw him again today and it's almost like he went out of his way to ignore me. I don't understand...is this how most guys would act? He knows I'm single now...why's he acting this way? After reading this again, a few things stood out. Read what I bolded above. It doesn't appear he was all that interested in you in the first place. The night he flirted with you, who knows, perhaps he was in an extra good mood that night and feeling good, but after that night you say yourself he was embarrassed and it didn't seem like he had feelings for you. But you fell for him regardless, and now that you are single again, you have projected your feelings on to him, and expect him to be all over you, asking you out, wanting a RL with you. When again he was never all that interested in the first place. It was all you. I don't mean to be harsh, but it's almost as if you created this fantasy in your head of how it was gonna go down once you got divorced. That had nothing to do with the reality of the situation... he's just not interested. That's my take anyway... sorry I know it's not what you wanted to hear. Best of luck moving forward though.... perhaps it might be a good idea to take some time for yourself anyway after your divorce.... Once you do you will have a better perspective on things.... JMO
PogoStick Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 He was interested in her. Basically she rejected him, even if it was by default via marriage. Why would he put himself out for that again? If she's interested it's now her turn to take a chance.
katiegrl Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 He was interested in her. Basically she rejected him, even if it was by default via marriage. Why would he put himself out for that again? If she's interested it's now her turn to take a chance. Yeah I read it again and that's possible. He was embarrassed because he flirted with her (expressed interest) and then found out she was married. So he felt rejected (and embarrassed). Okay I will buy that. Why would he risk rejection again? Because the reason she rejected doesn't exist anymore.... she is not married anymore, single. But maybe the whole thing left a really bad taste in his mouth (so to speak) and would rather just forget the whole thing. Just speculating though, this one is real mind bender!
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