Isabelle Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 OK. I'll try to make the story short and sweet. I'm just kind of rattled right now. -I'm married but not happy. Planning to probably leave eventually as soon as I feel justified, get through the counseling, and make sure it's the best thing for my husband. -I have a female friend who's also in a bad marriage. We commiserate. -A couple of months ago, I sought comfort from a male friend whom I knew sort of had a crush on me anyway. I used to not be attracted to him, but was glad he was there when I needed him. When he found out I was unhappy with my marriage, he started putting moves on me and getting kind of cozy. The physical stuff didn't go on for all that long, due to us both feeling guilty. But then we would come back and at least want to cuddle with each other again. -He couldn't seem to wait for me to straighten things out at home. He couldn't seem to keep his hands off me, even though he felt bad about it. We had shared a lot of emotional baggage with each other. He finally just put some distance between us. -I felt like I'd been dumped, though I understand why. I was trying to give him his space, although I continued to care for him and have feelings for him, and stayed away from him until school let out for the summer. We don't see each other much in the summer. I need to take care of things at home anyway. I realized he may or may not be there by the time I get everything else straightened out... he'll be pursuing other people... then -I catch back up (tonight) with my female friend, who's now definitely separated. -She mentions a guy she's been flirting with, who seems to reciprocate or at least communicates with her (even though she initiates it). I realize she's talking about the same guy I got so close to. We had a few awkward moments. She had never heard my whole story about him. I tried not to tell her too much. -He hasn't done with her what he did with me. Or at least hasn't yet. It turns out she had liked him all along. -If anything is meant to happen between them, then I guess it's good that they got a chance. I don't want to stand in their way. I told her not to let what I said or what she knew about me stand in the way of her relationships... but aside from that DARN IT... it's not freaking fair... why why why why why... I just want to hit something or throw things. So he could move on - as long as it's best for him - but why so close to home? I mean, maybe they're not meant for each other... but what if they are? I have to prepare myself for the possibility. I want good things to happen to my friend. She has had such a hard time and really needs someone to love her. Her hard luck stories make mine sound small. And she's been suffering longer. She probably deserves it more than I do right now. But still... the selfish part of me hopes they don't end up being the person for each other after all... just so I don't have to feel this stupid pain I feel right now. I mean, they do what they do, and I'm praying for what's best for everyone. Eventually, of course, if they get close enough to each other, he'll tell her some story about an unhappily married chick that he found himself putting the moves on recently. Well, that would be me. And he won't know how much I've still found myself thinking of him. Maybe knowing this will put a crimp in that. I feel so weak and stupid. I have got to be the world's biggest idiot. Looks like, sure enough, my destiny is to be strong for my friends. Nothing more. See what happens when I let myself get emotionally attached. There are just not enough men to go around out here. In our gang. In our town. This is what happens in a small town. I wonder what it is that he wants... I hope he finds it, whatever it may be. This just freaking hurts for some reason, and it's nobody's fault. Why is life such a b*tch...
Marshbear Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Feelings are such a pain in the a$$. They are wonderful when things are great but can ruin things if not wanted or appreciated. It is good that you want the best for your friend. It is hard when you feel for someone but caring for them also gives you responsibility for their happiness. I commend you for doing the unselfish thing and staying away from him. Let nature take its course and don't try to sabatoge things with them. If things don't work out then you at least know it wasn't because of you. To care for someone is to be unselfish... Peace...
Sal Paradise Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Sucks to cheat and get burned in the ass don't it? Only person I feel sorry for is your husband whom you continue to lie to.
Author Isabelle Posted June 25, 2005 Author Posted June 25, 2005 Please... I have not lied to my husband at all. There's very little that he doesn't even know. I didn't start the whole other guy business, and backed off when it got too crazy. I don't want to have my cake and eat it too. I just want to get everyone involved to where they're supposed to be. And now, it turns out my friend's available and I'm still not... that's fine. I accept that. It just emotionally bites when not only do they move on, but it's with someone in your circle. I don't blame any of them... they can't have known. It takes time to straighten things out. Maybe, who knows, they are meant to be together. And don't worry, I'm not the type to sabotage. Self-sacrifice is my specialty. (What do you think I've done for my husband? I'm not in it for my happiness, that's for sure, and he has been told that plenty of times.) I can't do a darn thing except sit here and absorb the hurt right now. I guess sometimes you find understanding people on these boards, and sometimes the opposite.
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