R13 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Hi I'm new so I hope this question is in the appropriate place. Recently I have made friends with these two awesome men and we always have a great time when we go out. I met one of them first through a music group and we get a long well only he's not some one I'm attracted to in a romantic way. He introduced me to the second man who I do find attractive and who I suspect finds me attractive also. The first man was constantly asking what I thought of the second one and eventually I admitted I was interested in the second guy and that I hadn't wanted to admit it as I didn't want the first guy to be annoyed about it. I will state I don't know of the first guy was interested in dating me but I never got that vibe from him. First guy also said he had introduced me to second guy as he thought we would make a good match. The other night the second guy was very flirty with me when we all went out and then started messaging me the next day. We had a nice conversation where he admitted to thinking "I was a cool lady" which was nice and made me think maybe he was interested, but then he said "so do you think man one will ever find Love" this kinda threw me I asked him if he thought I should be dating man 1 his answer was "that's not what I am implying, but you can if you want to" and then proceeded to talk about how it seemed like guy ones lot in life was to be in the friend zone. So any ideas what is going on here I'm so confused. I'm not sure if he was saying he was interested and that guy one was interested 2 or what?
DreamP Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 I wouldn't overthink it. If you told guy 1 you like his friend, more than likely he mentioned this to his friend. So now guy 2 knows. That is why he is being flirty. Just go with the flow. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 don't worry about it. You are overthinking it. Take it at face value that guy 2, who you are interested in, was messaging with you. Proceed to do what you want to do. If later on, guy 1 is acting weird or hurt, have a little talk with him to explain things. But in the meantime don't worry for other people, live your life. Enjoy and date guy 2.
Author R13 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Posted June 12, 2016 Still probably over thinking but guy 2 was acting weird last night less flirty and really sensative to everything I said? Not sure if that's because when we were messaging the last time when he said I could date his friend if I wanted to I said I wasn't interested in is friend and that I was interested in some one else but I wasn't sure if he was into relationships so I'd just have to be happy being my own woman. As guy 1 had told me this was what had been said when he asked guy 2 if he wanted to date me before I'd said anything about being interested. Any guys would you pick up that the girl was talking about you in this scenario? Or was I being 2 cryptic? Guy 1 seems to think Guy 2 would have picked up on it. Personally I'd assume a guy wouldn't have picked up on it cos they think differently to woman. Personally I hate admitting that kind of thing via message I want to admit it in person that's why I wasn't blunt via message. I was gonna try clear it up but didn't get a chance as guy 1 was around. Can't tell if he was acting diff as he knew I like him and isn't interested or he thinks I'm not interested?
Versacehottie Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Still probably over thinking but guy 2 was acting weird last night less flirty and really sensative to everything I said? Not sure if that's because when we were messaging the last time when he said I could date his friend if I wanted to I said I wasn't interested in is friend and that I was interested in some one else but I wasn't sure if he was into relationships so I'd just have to be happy being my own woman. As guy 1 had told me this was what had been said when he asked guy 2 if he wanted to date me before I'd said anything about being interested. Any guys would you pick up that the girl was talking about you in this scenario? Or was I being 2 cryptic? Guy 1 seems to think Guy 2 would have picked up on it. Personally I'd assume a guy wouldn't have picked up on it cos they think differently to woman. Personally I hate admitting that kind of thing via message I want to admit it in person that's why I wasn't blunt via message. I was gonna try clear it up but didn't get a chance as guy 1 was around. Can't tell if he was acting diff as he knew I like him and isn't interested or he thinks I'm not interested? Probably overthinking it????!! Yes for sure you are. You need to take your fate into your own hands. Not to be cruel but you don't owe guy 1 anything so who cares if he was around. You should be using your infrequent opportunities to flirt and make it clear to no 2 that you like him. Not gonna pick up on it--sometimes guys need a hammer. AND what you said when he "gave" you a chance to indicate your feelings toward him was say you liked "someone" else. uhhhhh, That kills. It's like you are throwing him off the scent. I think he was trying to confirm (since he knows you are close with no 1) that it's ok to flirt with/date you and instead you made it more complicated. Then in person, again no flirting makes it more complicated, confusing. You took 10 steps back IMO. You don't need to come right out and tell him you are interested in him via messaging or over the phone but start flirting for real. Take action. Good luck 1
Author R13 Posted June 12, 2016 Author Posted June 12, 2016 Yeah I figured I was right about that. I was flirting for real most of the time with the occasional message as well. It's kinda off putting when he wont even look me in the eye when we are talking now. **** I knew I'd totally ****ed it oh well story of my life.
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Stop beating around the bush and ask the guy to join you for drinks and flirt with him then. As for guy 1 he knows it is what it is. It's all part of the game. 1
Author R13 Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 So went to the movies and guy 1 tried to give us some space the other night but guy 2 decided he would go home as well and did it in a cranky way so It wasnt 2 good. The next day I got a message from guy 2 apologising for his going home when I still wanted to hang out and that he wasn't pissed off with me. I asked if he needed to talk about it and also said we all have our stuff and I wasn't offended but confused. He said he didn't want to talk about it and told me to have a nice day. About half an hour later I get a text asking if I was still at work and if he could meet me for coffee after work. I hadn't gone to work as I was ill I mentioned this and said I would have met him for coffee if I could. He then asked if he could come to my place for coffee if I was feeling well enough. He lives an hour and a half away from me! I think it's safe to say he's slightly interested in me if he's willing to drive that far when I'm sick. When he got to mine he wanted to take me out for coffee and dinner. We had a really nice time talking it was a pleasant evening. When he took me home I forgot to thank him for driving so far to see me so I sent him a quick text thanking him. He wrote back saying invite me back any time and he had fun.today he sent me a text asking if I felt any better. He being so lovely. I'm hopeful things will all eventually work out.
Author R13 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 So stopped over thinking it guy 1 drove an hour and a half to come to my place when I was sick with an ear infection to take me out to dinner. Thought it was safe to say he was interested in me? Went to see his band play the other night he was pissed off afterwards as He felt like he played badly. A couple of stuff ups but nothing major I'm a muso I know you have bad nights and good nights when performing. So I helped him take his kit back to his place and stuck around to have a cup of tea and in the process missed my bus home. As I don't do The casual sex thing I said I'd stay on the couch plus he made some excuse about why he wouldn't share his bed with me. The next morning we went for coffee on our way to work. It came up in conversation that a friend of ours is struggling to find a girlfriend and how he's such a nice guy. I pointed out that he's a nice guy 2 and he complained that he couldn't find a girlfriend either. Thing is I knew from our other friend that he had said in regards to a discussion about me that he said he wasn't looking for a relationship at the moment so I said "there are girls interested but I was under the impression that you weren't looking for a girlfriend at the moment" his response was "yeah not at the moment maybe later" "I know how relationships end and they just aren't worth it" I know he didn't mean it sound this way but it made me feel like he was 1. Asking me to wait around and 2. That I wasn't worth it and 3. That he was judging me as being like "every other woman" I mentioned this and the fact that I actually want going to wait around for a maybe. That would probably end in me being the person he talked to about other women and because I already feel a connection that wasn't going to work for me. His response was that he was feeling emotionally blackmailed maybe it was a little bit like that but really I was just letting him know I have needs too. He also said "well maybe I've been leading you on, but that's because I'm attracted to you and I could have had sex with you but then you would have been more hurt. Why are you wasting your time with me I don't even think I like women anymore" I pointed out the fact I'm not that "easy" and I don't have sex with people who can't have an emotional connection to me and that I wasn't going to wait around for a guy that couldn't care about me and let me freely care for them and that's what I actually deserve. Needless to say I felt like crap for trusting some one with my feelings and well I'm not the most emotionally stable person at the best of times. I felt kinda bad as well I've had a guy stand me up and found out an ex I almost married was in prison for filming child pornography. I felt like a crap person because I just can't seem to attract some one who isn't messed up to the point that it hurts me. So I ended up in hospital after an overdose. The commitment phobe found out despite me not wanting him 2 and called the hospital everyday last week. I didn't want to talk to him it still hurts. I know I need to keep my boundaries and stick to my beliefs but it's hard because in a lot of ways I love being around him. Although now I'm out of hospital he's standing off and well I guess that's to be expected as I did put that boundary in place.
DreamP Posted July 5, 2016 Posted July 5, 2016 You had an overdose and you are concerned about men/boys! You need to get your priorities straight. Fix yourself before looking for a relationship. Get clean. Nobody wants to be with a drug problem. 1
Author R13 Posted July 5, 2016 Author Posted July 5, 2016 I'm not a drug addict I overdosed on pills because I was depressed I tried to kill myself so yeah I probably do have to deal with some issues but not an addiction. I also need to stop letting emotional vampires into my life. I am worth more than that and I don't care who judges this.
preraph Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I'm not confused. Man 1 likes you as a friend and Man 2 thinks he's crazy and too picky about women. Man 2 likes you and you like him and Man 1 doesn't give two cents if you get together, so Bingo, you just got a potential boyfriend and a generous man friend -- assuming Man 1 doesn't fall for you over time and try to sneak back in, of course. Let's not go there.
Author R13 Posted July 6, 2016 Author Posted July 6, 2016 Thanks @preraph yeah Man 2 is definitely a fussy guy when it comes to women. He sure can't make up his mind but you know what I decided to keep my distance as I am worth more than waiting around for some guy to make up his mind. Apparently he's attracted to me but isn't sure he even likes women any more" and "maybe he would have a relationship with me later" it's time to stop doing this back wards ad forwards with the guy.
Versacehottie Posted July 6, 2016 Posted July 6, 2016 I'm not a drug addict I overdosed on pills because I was depressed I tried to kill myself so yeah I probably do have to deal with some issues but not an addiction. I also need to stop letting emotional vampires into my life. I am worth more than that and I don't care who judges this. This^^^^ for whatever reason is a MUCH higher priority than whatever is going on with these guys. You need to take care of yourself. It should also be the priority of people around you that care about you too. If you don't have anyone that's involved enough in your life than please take care of yourself first. This issue (OP) is about as minor as they come compared to the rest of what is going on in your life if you considered this a solution. Please get some help (said with the greatest concern and kindness). Good luck
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