mbee Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 So a bit disappointed tonight after my third date with a guy that I was feeling excited about. Just wanted to get your thoughts as I'm not sure how I should feel about the situation. First two dates went really well and we stayed out for about 5 hours each date. The thing that most attracted me to him is we have very similar values and view the world in a very similar way. We also made natural conversation and had a shared sense of humor. Anyway, the third date he just seemed tired the whole time. He did tell me he had a very busy week and he apologised for not asking me questions or being conversational. He said he felt like he was being rude and that he was just really tired. The second date ended with a brief kiss. I had tried to make out with him but we literally had a 3 second kiss and he broke away from me. The third date was the same. He just gave me a peck upon meeting, and a peck goodnight. I definitely wanted more but nothing seemed to happen. The third date also only lasted for 2.5 hours. He comes across as a confident extroverted guy but still seemed nervous about kissing me. He mentioned during the date that he couldn't wait to hear about how an event is going for me and that he'd like to lend me a book. He didn't mention a 4th date or say he had a nice time like he usually does. He also mentioned a friend he has (that is a girl) and how she means a lot to him. I got a strong vibe that he has feelings for his friend. I could be wrong but when a guy mentions how his female friend means a lot to him on a date and how they can have emotional conversations, I feel like he might be admitting that he has strong emotional feelings for someone. I got him a tiny gift for his birthday and he thought it was super sweet and loved it. His birthday is in a few days. Should I wish him happy bday still? This third date has left me feeling lukewarm which is super disappointing as I was really excited to see him again. I'd go out with him again to give it another shot if he does ask but I'm feeling like he won't. I just don't know if I should stay in contact and wish him a happy birthday or just leave it alone.
duncsvoice Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Hey Mbee, To be honest, I'd kind of give him the benefit of the doubt. I've got a third date with a girl tomorrow night, and I'm really excited but I'm also exhausted after this week at work and I'm not the greatest company when I'm tired. I really like her, but I'd also just love to sleep tomorrow night! We haven't had much in the way of super long kisses, probably the same, short little ones. In terms of mentioning this girl, I've done that. My best mate is a girl, and I'll drop her in to a conversation just to see how my date reacts. My ex went absolutely bananas that I was friends with girls, so for me it's just a way of seeing how cool they are. If my date is uncomfortable with it, probably not the girl for me. 2
Author mbee Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 Hey Mbee, To be honest, I'd kind of give him the benefit of the doubt. I've got a third date with a girl tomorrow night, and I'm really excited but I'm also exhausted after this week at work and I'm not the greatest company when I'm tired. I really like her, but I'd also just love to sleep tomorrow night! We haven't had much in the way of super long kisses, probably the same, short little ones. In terms of mentioning this girl, I've done that. My best mate is a girl, and I'll drop her in to a conversation just to see how my date reacts. My ex went absolutely bananas that I was friends with girls, so for me it's just a way of seeing how cool they are. If my date is uncomfortable with it, probably not the girl for me. Thanks for that. I hope you are right. I'll still wish him happy birthday then. I'm used to longer kisses by the end of the third date, but you are right, there's nothing wrong with short kisses. One of my best friends is a guy so I understand that completely as I'd want a partner to not be intimidated by my guy friend. I wasn't upset by the girl and even told him I'm happy he has someone in his life that really gets him, I was just slightly worried it was a giveaway that he was interested in her. Thanks, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, just sucks as him being so non-conversational makes me feel unsure.
Gaeta Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I also think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. He told you he was very tired and it was affecting him. I am someone who needs her sleep and being tired and stressed will definitely affect my demeanor. So sounds like he set up the 3 dates? How about you initiate the 4th one? Send him a happy birthday and invite him out for sometimes this weekend. You'll get your answer if he is highly interested or not. 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Sounds like the fade is about to start. I have noticed a common theme when people first start dating. They start the "I'm tired" bit a lot. I see it constantly in threads that start off like this. Either they are "tired" or not in a great mood or both and this is typically a predecessor to "the fade" I could be wrong though, but after a lot of scenario I've read and of course, my own personal experience, the person faded. 3
WellHelloThere Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I agree with the replies. Everyone has bad days and can't put as much energy into being a lot of fun and interesting on dates. I wouldn't judge his friendship with the girl based on what little you know. It's normal to care about friends without having romantic feelings for them. You are just getting to know each other. I would just pay attention to how they interact and see if that matches up to what he says about their relationship. If you are at the point where you are meeting each others friends, you could suggest she comes along with you guys and a group of friends. And if it seems there is always an excuse why you can't meet, then I'd be concerned. 1
preraph Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 A guy pulling away from more kissing doesn't sound right. I'm going with he's not very interested in you. Not even in getting sex. 3
Jejangles Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I think it is hard to tell - it could be the beginning of a fade, or he could have just genuinely been tired. I would keep up normal communication with him and if you feel like it suggest another date. If he is not interested or acts lukewarm, move on. I suggest trying again though because I had a crappy third date with my now boyfriend (from my perspective at least!) I was tired and feeling off - really I should have cancelled but I went anyway and spent most of the date wanting to go home. And I actually seriously considered stopping things with him then. Luckily I recognised that it was likely my own mood rather than him that was the issue, we went on dating (and had some great dates from then on) and now we have been together 5 months. 1
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 This third date has left me feeling lukewarm which is super disappointing as I was really excited to see him again. I'd go out with him again to give it another shot if he does ask but I'm feeling like he won't. I just don't know if I should stay in contact and wish him a happy birthday or just leave it alone. Since you really like him... IF he asks, then give it another shot. He could have been tired or having a bad day, or simply ambivalent about you and needs more clarity. But if he asks you out again, that is a good sign, DON'T HAVE SEX though. If you're still getting bad vibes and that "meh" feeling from him on the fourth date, then call it a day.... but yeah give it another shot... if HE asks. 1
Author mbee Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 Since you really like him... IF he asks, then give it another shot. He could have been tired or having a bad day, or simply ambivalent about you and needs more clarity. But if he asks you out again, that is a good sign, DON'T HAVE SEX though. If you're still getting bad vibes and that "meh" feeling from him on the fourth date, then call it a day.... but yeah give it another shot... if HE asks. Thanks everyone! After sleeping on it, the date wasn't bad. It was just okay. I can remember us teasing and having great conversation during the first half of it. He does typically get tired after a certain time (and this date was a bit different as we met up a couple hours later than the prior dates). He did seem tired and like he was having a bad or emotional week. His birthday is coming up and he seemed very unexcited about that to. And you are right, he might be uncertain about me too. The kissing was disappointing as I cannot tell if we have physical chemistry at all. I'll reach out to him to wish him a happy birthday, but I agree that he will initiate a date if he's interested. I paid for dinner as a birthday treat, gave him a tiny gift and even kissed him at the end of the date so I'm sure he knows I'm interested enough to want to give it a fourth round.
joseb Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 A guy pulling away from more kissing doesn't sound right. I'm going with he's not very interested in you. Not even in getting sex. This is the bit that I noticed the most too. I don't think I have ever done that with a girl I was even moderately interested in - unless to hold off until a little later in the night when we had more privacy. Unless there was a good excuse (it happened while paying the bill or something!) I don't think this is a good sign. Even the fact that You kissed Him to me is a bit odd. Perhaps keep the lines open but don't pursue him - he knows you like him. 1
Var1ant Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 This is the bit that I noticed the most too. I don't think I have ever done that with a girl I was even moderately interested in - unless to hold off until a little later in the night when we had more privacy. Unless there was a good excuse (it happened while paying the bill or something!) I don't think this is a good sign. Even the fact that You kissed Him to me is a bit odd. Perhaps keep the lines open but don't pursue him - he knows you like him. This. Id be wanting to bang the hell out of a girl i just met. Wtf. 1
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 And you are right, he might be uncertain about me too. The kissing was disappointing as I cannot tell if we have physical chemistry at all. If you can't tell then it's NOT there.... When it IS there, trust me you will KNOW it. No question. Sorry. 1
Author mbee Posted June 10, 2016 Author Posted June 10, 2016 If you can't tell then it's NOT there.... When it IS there, trust me you will KNOW it. No question. Sorry. There was definitely physical chemistry during the first kiss. I mean that we just pecked and it didn't escalate to making out but it didn't even have a chance. If he wasn't so confident seeming, I would assume that he's shy or feels a bit insecure around me since he seemed really awkward about kissing me or holding me. So either he's super shy or not interested. He didn't even try for a kiss until the end of the second date. Like he barely made a move. When I said physical chemistry, I mean escalating to seeing if there's definitely compatibility in that way. Either way all of this is not a good sign, but if he wants to get together again, I'll see what happens.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 I disagree with everyone claiming he was 'tired.' You said yourself at the end of the second date all he'd give you was a 3 second kiss even though you tried to make it a longer, more intimate kiss. He wasn't interested and pulled away. Are we going to blame him being 'tired' for that one, too? You may have fun together and get along well, but it doesn't seem he's feeling the chemistry with you. And if he's going on about his female friend that he's got such an emotional bond with, then that's a huge red flag. I think his attentions are elsewhere and you're wasting your time. And no, it's not because he's 'tired.' That's ridiculous. Sorry. 1
Author mbee Posted June 14, 2016 Author Posted June 14, 2016 Thought I'd update. Good news, there will be a 4th date. He ended up texting me 24 hours after the first date saying "thank you for dinner" and I really believed that he wasn't interested at all. After his birthday, I decided to ask him out on a daytime date (to avoid tiredness) as suggested by a poster and he responded within minutes saying he thought that was a great idea and is looking forward to it. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out the chemistry and what's happening on the next date. Thanks for all your help everyone!
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