IslandDude Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I've been talking to a girl on OLD for a few weeks and we are planning to meet up soon. Normally I would just meet for drinks or something and go from there but this girl is about 3 hours away in another town. Wonder what everybody thinks would be a good plan for this. Same as usual with drinks and then if things go good dinner? Plan for both from the beginning? I don't have a lot of experience going out with people from OLD where the going out is the first time ever meeting in person too. Is the meeting considered a first date? Is there some line between the meetup and the actual first date? Usually when I'm going out with someone that I already knew in real life then it's known to be an actual first date. Curious if since I will have to travel far if it's also considered a real date and I should plan for more than just drinks.
mortensorchid Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Out of curiosity why are you meeting someone so far away? I have known only three people who have crossed state lines to meet someone for OLD purposes not business related.
WellHelloThere Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 First time you meet some online, it's usually not a formal date. It's just to meet the person in real life to see if you want to date. But 3 hrs away is really far. So it could be a long date. It depends on a lot if you actually like each other in person. But they may not be at all what you were hoping for. You may be driving 3 hrs for someone you don't want to see very long.
PegNosePete Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Meet half way, 1.5 hours each. Plan for a short drink together. Make sure you do your research so you can extend to a longer one if required - walk in the park or dinner etc. But don't tell her and don't book anything, and also have an excuse ready if you want to bail after the initial meet.
mortensorchid Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 That is my thinking along with the two previous posters. One of the three I mentioned did it once (driving from her home state Illinois to meet a guy in Iowa) when she was new to OLD and said it was a mistake. The second not only met a woman from California but married her. It ended in divorce - she actually used him to move to another state (Ohio). She remains her today even though they have been divorced 15 years. The other is/was a nutcase who thought she would actually go to another state and meet some guy for a weekend and they would fall in love and get married. Not that you are any of above noted people but just things to consider when you are doing an OLD LDR.
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) Out of curiosity why are you meeting someone so far away? I have known only three people who have crossed state lines to meet someone for OLD purposes not business related. Same question here... isn't there something you click on your profile that indicates you are seeking LOCAL woman? It seems from reading these threads that some people intentionally seek OUT people who live HOURS away... and always wondered why that is? Built in excuse to create distance, not only physical but within the RL (should it turn into one)? OP, the thing with it starting out as a LDR, is you are forced to spend a significant amount of time together during those early meets and dates. As another poster mentioned, had she lived local, you meet for 30 minutes for coffee or ice cream and suss each other out, determine if there is chemistry. With your situation, since you (or she) will be traveling three hours to meet, you expect to spend more than 30 minutes together... otherwise the travel isn't worth it. That puts an added pressure on an already precarious situation -- the dreaded "first meet." What I would do is suggest a spot half way... and meet for an afternoon - ice cream, a walk on the beach, something VERY LOW KEY. And see how it goes. I would not suggest some big elaborate dinner date for your first meet - too over the top and too much pressure for a first meet. Good luck Edited June 9, 2016 by katiegrl
BikerAccnt Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 My guess is you'd handle it just like the closer ones. The only difference is you have more to lose in the way of time and energy if it turns out to be someone you don't want to date. I just met up with someone local this week, first time. We won't be seeing each other again. Nice enough woman, very nice actually. Just no chemistry and one pretty major compatibility issue that came up in conversation. Having only had to drive 10 minutes to meet , it wasn't so bad. If I had to drive 3 hours out and 3 hours back, I'd have been a bit more bummed about the drive and the time spent. I won't do the ld thing anymore, hell even 30 minutes away is getting to far these days. I like the spontaneity of a close by relationship.
Author IslandDude Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 Thanks everybody. Just to clarify I actually contacted this one not the other way around so I'm not worried about some of the things listed. 3 hours to me is still "within range" if you find a good match and I am not having much luck within my own town. I guess I'll just treat it like a local meet. I don't really care about the driving time even if it doesn't last long. I was mainly just curious to see what other people's first meet ups were about and if they were like real dates or not. So it's like you ask them out online but that's for the meet up and then after you meet you ask them out again for a real date.
SugarLips72 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I always recommend meet for drinks or coffee, something cheap and informal and not long and drawn out. I would not drive 3 hrs away for OLD, but if you don't mind it then that is fine.
BikerAccnt Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Yep, anytime I do a first meeting it's something quick; not a "real date." I find coffee dates a bit too much like job interviews, but I do them. This latest one was for appetizers at a local joint. By ordering appetizers you kind of put a time limit on things. When they're done, you're done. Or if things went well, you can extend things. The nice thing about initial, short meetings, is you get a feel for the person without any big time commitments. If you both hit it off, then I ask out for a date, BEFORE, the first meeting is over. If I like someone, and thing we'd be a good match, I always ask for the date before leaving. I think it's good practice myself. With this last meet, not only did I not ask her out, I didnt' even get her last name. Just no interest even though she was perfectly pleasant. Good luck!
Author IslandDude Posted June 10, 2016 Author Posted June 10, 2016 Do you dress any differently for the meet up? It's super hot where I am. I wonder if shorts and a t-shirt are too sloppy but I also don't want to be dying in jeans and a button up.
PegNosePete Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 It depends on the location really. For a drink in a bar where others will be wearing shorts and t-shirt then it's fine. If everyone else will be suited then you'll stand out if you're sloppy. I would go with a decent shirt and smart shorts and of course cool shades. Never not bring shades. But remember to take them off for the actual meet so you can have some nice eye contact.
phineas Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 SKYPE! SKYPE! SKYPE! if I had a dollar for every time I texted a woman telling her "i'm here" only to see someone who looked absolutely nothing like their pictures pull out their phone and respond to me..... I had a woman contact me that was 1.5 hrs away. I made her get on skype before I agree'd to meet. i've considered making all women get on skype before i meet simply because i'm tired of them asking me to send them a fresh pic for their contacts then they send me a pic from their profile in return.
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