PinkCarnations Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) I definitely did not expect to get ghosted, but like all ghosting, you never see it coming! Anyways, met this guy from online a few weeks ago. The first date went well - went out for drinks and had a good talk. The second date happened the next day - went out for drinks again had decent conversation. Since I only met him recently I wasn't too into him yet. Anyways I got kinda drunk on the second date, and he ended up at my place which was close to the bar we were at. Initially, I had only intended to make out and cuddle, but as soon as the lights were out, he was all over me. Then again he prob thought that was what I had planned to begin with. Anywho, things were going great until... I realize the foreplay was not ending.. When I tried to advance things to the next level, I came to the sad realization that he couldn't keep it hard enough for... well, penetration. I gave up and went to sleep.. I didn't say anything about it though. The following morning, i texted him and continued a conversation. He asked me to hang out the next two days, but I said I was busy with other stuff... but not because I didn't like him, but because hanging out again would be too much for one weekend. I felt bad about how uninterested I was coming off so I started acting more eager and asked him to hang out the next weekend. He was kinda cold at first, but eventually we met again for a third date. On that date, it was okay.. Conversation wasn't as great as the first two nights, but I still felt physical chemistry. We ended up watching a movie at his place, and one thing led to another.. This time, he still couldn't get hard enough... I said "why did you drink so much." He replied, "it's not that.. it's just me. it happens sometimes." So I said "okay.." Anyways, we continued to have foreplay and I made him relieve himself in other ways. I usually don't go as far as I did with him with people I just met... but I felt like I needed to help satisfy him if you know what I mean. Plus he was working hard to satisfy me, so it was only fair. The next morning he woke up with a boner and started touching me again. Once again, he couldn't make himself hard enough.. So I just sighed and said "have you seen a doctor?" he said "no.." and I said, "well maybe you should? there could be something wrong? maybe with your blood vessels or something haha.. there might be something going on with your health, you never know" he just chuckled (prob a forced chuckle) and I said "this isn't good...." he didn't respond. Then I realize how I sounded and said "its okay" and smiled, then I hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then I asked what he was doing later that night and that we should hang out after i'm done with my friend's thing that night. Anyways, later he walked me to my car, and I said "so i'll see you later?" and he said "yeah just text me" and walked away. I texted him later that day and followed up about hanging out. He said he was going to go to sleep early instead. I said "booo" & "can I come cuddle with you?" and no response since.. The following night, I sent one last text and said "sorry about last night's text, just realized how shallow it came off as.. not sure if you're just not interested in me or I've offended u in some way but if it's the latter, I never meant to." still no response.. I feel so bad.. I really started to like him, and I know I def messed things up.. Maybe it wasn't my comment.. Maybe he's just not interested in me after our date..I guess the lesson to be learned is that you don't tell someone they need to see a doctor about their ED problems. By the way, he's in his 20s.. What do you guys think - did i royally f*ck up or is there any way to mend this? It's been 4 days since he last talked to me. Well, either way, I'm beginning to accept that this ghost is long gone. Edited June 9, 2016 by PinkCarnations
TXGuy Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Generally, I think ghosting is in poor taste. But given the situation you describe, I think he was entirely justified. I'd probably have done the same. No big deal, there are lots of other guys out there. 1
Author PinkCarnations Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 Generally, I think ghosting is in poor taste. But given the situation you describe, I think he was entirely justified. I'd probably have done the same. No big deal, there are lots of other guys out there. So my last text saying i never meant to offend him in any way isn't enough to redeem myself in this situation? I don't know if i really liked him or i only like him now that he ghosted me... confusing.
joseb Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 You tried twice to have sex and failed - I think you might have seen it coming? He may or may not have an issue, you suggested he see a doctor, you did your bit. Next one please. 2
Author PinkCarnations Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 Is it a bad idea to send one last text apologizing about my insensitive comments? Or will that turn him off even more... because I'm acting so desperate? Aside from that issue, I think he's a great person, and the issue could probably be overcome with time (i.e., it might have been performance anxiety, which didn't occur to me at the time).
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) Is it a bad idea to send one last text apologizing about my insensitive comments? Or will that turn him off even more... because I'm acting so desperate? Aside from that issue, I think he's a great person, and the issue could probably be overcome with time (i.e., it might have been performance anxiety, which didn't occur to me at the time). Let it go... You just admitted you didn't really like him anyway ..... and the only reason you like him now is cuz he ghosted on you. Your words... The ole "want what you can't have" syndrome.... Just let it go, this ship has sailed.... Edited June 9, 2016 by katiegrl 5
dumbass2 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 So my last text saying i never meant to offend him in any way isn't enough to redeem myself in this situation? I don't know if i really liked him or i only like him now that he ghosted me... confusing. No, it's not really that confusing. If you really liked him and were into him you wouldn't be questioning it. You want what you can't have now. It happens. I do suggest you move on. The man's ego is probably crushed now (not necessarily because of what you said), because he couldn't perform a few times. He's probably pretty embarrassed and couldn't see you again now. Let him contact you again if he wants to.
TXGuy Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 So my last text saying i never meant to offend him in any way isn't enough to redeem myself in this situation? No. It doesn't work that way.
Author PinkCarnations Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) No. It doesn't work that way. So u guys think he really ghosted me because of what i said? if that's the case, i feel even more tempted to send him one more message saying i regret how insensitive i acted that and i think he's a great person just to get it off my chest. i don't think my initial apology text was sufficient to convey my message. Edited June 9, 2016 by PinkCarnations
TXGuy Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 So u guys think he really ghosted me because of what i said? if that's the case, i feel even more tempted to send him one more message saying i regret how insensitive i acted that and i think he's a great person just to get it off my chest. i don't think my initial apology text was sufficient to convey my message. Yes I think so. You can send your text, but don't expect it to change anything. You might be better off just letting things go.
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) So u guys think he really ghosted me because of what i said? if that's the case, i feel even more tempted to send him one more message saying i regret how insensitive i acted that and i think he's a great person just to get it off my chest. i don't think my initial apology text was sufficient to convey my message. I think what you said probably made him feel bad..... which ultimately resulted in him becoming turned off... You have already apologized, he has not responded. He has moved on. So should you. It's over. The end. Don't start obsessing. Ship sailed. Edited June 9, 2016 by katiegrl 2
oasis Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I believe that your comments about him seeing a doctor was not very nice. I think those comments cut through him like a knife and went straight through his manhood. He is fully aware of his shortcomings and you advising him to see a doctor probably drove a stake through his already fragile heart. More than likely, he is too embarrassed to face you again. So additional texts will not endear you to him, nor change what has happened. Time to move on.
frus69 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 He probably already felt embarrassed when he couldn't get it up and your comment just made things worse, to the point that he was completely turned off. I doubt he would want you to remind him again by sending him another text about the fact that he didn't get up. It may make things worse if you apologise again. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 You need to let this one go, OP. I realize you don't have malicious intentions, but I think you probably embarrassed him and your sighing and comments weren't the appropriate way to handle it. Don't send him any more texts. It will make this worse. 1
JS84 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Let it go. I was in a somewhat similar situation once years ago. Believe me what you said probably crushed his ego and made him feel like dirt. Any contact you try to make will just make him feel worse. He'll need to recover without you being involved.
Toodaloo Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Some men are not performing monkeys and need to feel relaxed and comfortable in order to maintain an erection and have sex... For some men that simply does not happen after just one or two dates... Mentioning a doctor so soon... not good... Just leave him alone. 1
Author PinkCarnations Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 **** UPDATE FROM OP **** Well despite everyone's advice, I texted him anyway saying I regret my insensitive comments blah blah. He replied and apologized for not texting back bc he tends to 'run away from his problems.' Anyways he said it wasn't anything I said or did, he's just hung up on his ex. The mystery is solved. The end! I feel like that's the reason behind a majority of ghosting scenarios where they seem into u and poof* they disappear. It's usually because they have their mind on someone else. Oh well.. Really glad I sent my text and got my closure. On to the next!
Jejangles Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 My friends and I discussed this the other night... Guys often ghost after they have trouble maintaining an erection. I know of three friends who have been with guys who had trouble and then the guys were never heard from again. So in some ways it doesn't matter how you handle it - many guys are tough on themselves about it and aren't interested in seeing you again because they are embarrassed. However, I do think you were too hard on this guy. In early dating the best way to handle erectile issues is to say "no problem, there's other ways we can have fun" and then have fun those other ways! If it's a pressure issue, it will resolve once the guy feels comfortable around you. If it's a bigger issue you can talk about it more when you know each other better. Talking about doctors when you barely know the guy and it's a very sensitive subject is not a good idea. I wouldn't contact him again, one apology is enough. Just chalk it up to experience and if this ever happens to you again, you can handle it differently. 1
Zippy2000 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 **** UPDATE FROM OP **** Well despite everyone's advice, I texted him anyway saying I regret my insensitive comments blah blah. He replied and apologized for not texting back bc he tends to 'run away from his problems.' Anyways he said it wasn't anything I said or did, he's just hung up on his ex. The mystery is solved. The end! I feel like that's the reason behind a majority of ghosting scenarios where they seem into u and poof* they disappear. It's usually because they have their mind on someone else. Oh well.. Really glad I sent my text and got my closure. On to the next! Thats NOT true about the reasons for ghosting! Its like when you ask a man out and he says "Sorry but I ve got already got a girlfriend". He hasnt really got one but it gives him a reason to use for a rejection. 1
Author PinkCarnations Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) Thats NOT true about the reasons for ghosting! Its like when you ask a man out and he says "Sorry but I ve got already got a girlfriend". He hasnt really got one but it gives him a reason to use for a rejection. True, but I believe the guy about this one... He had a bunch of girly products in his bathroom (looks like his ex stayed at his place recently?) and now that I look back on our conversations, he kept mentioning some friend that did this and that - pretty sure he was referring to his ex. Plus even after I made those insensitive comments to him about seeing a doctor, he still replied to my texts after about how his day went etc... He said he was meeting with an old friend that night (the night we stopped talking). I wonder if it was to meet the ex. Oh well Edited June 9, 2016 by PinkCarnations
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) True, but I believe the guy about this one... He had a bunch of girly products in his bathroom (looks like his ex stayed at his place recently?) and now that I look back on our conversations, he kept mentioning some friend that did this and that - pretty sure he was referring to his ex. Oh well Truth is it's impossible to know if that was the real reason, but if it makes you feel better to believe it ...and helps you to move on, then that's fine. Does it really matter though? Maybe HE uses the girly products! lol It wasn't meant to be, the guy is a coward for ghosting, next.... Edited June 9, 2016 by katiegrl 1
kztar Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Truth is it's impossible to know if that was the real reason, but if it makes you feel better to believe it ...and helps you to move on, then that's fine. Does it really matter though? Maybe HE uses the girly products! lol It wasn't meant to be, the guy is a coward for ghosting, next.... Anyone who ghost is a coward regardless of the circumstances. NEXT to this one.
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