How to show boyfriend I'm thankful and appreciate him?

[Clearsky]

Hi everyone, Im in a poly relationship (two women who love the same man) we hit it off right away and have been very happy. It works for all of us and the three of us live together. This post is about him and I. Sometimes he complains that I'm lazy and don't appreciate him....I only work part time so Im the one who does most of the housewife duties. How do I show my appreciation and that Im very thankful for him? I also prep his meals and all that other housewife stuff which I have no problem doing. Sometimes I do complain, but who doesnt? He says I shouldn't have to complain since I'm living here for free. I have been trying my best with that, but it hard sometimes. I hear him complain about lot about his job and just listen and be there for him..... our sex life is great, no problems there. The other girl helps around the apartment too, but she also works, so most of it is on me. I thank him all the time for the stuff he does for me, yet that doesn't seem like enough. What can I do to show him I appreciate him and the things he does for me? Thanks for reading.

[CarrieT]

I am also a new "housewife" who doesn't have to work but has to keep our household together (laundry, meals, cleaning).

 

And the first thing is to stop complaining. Not everyone complains and it doesn't serve any purpose. If it becomes too much for you, get a full time job and get everyone else to divvy up all the chores evenly.

 

The other thing you can do is thank your partners for supporting you - do so by working harder to anticipate their needs and wants, be it a favorite dinner or something else that needs to be done.

 

I thank my new husband every few days for working hard to support us and for allowing me to not have to work. We appreciate and *exhault* each other, acknowledging the mutual strengths we are bringing to the relationship.

[Clearsky]

I always do thank them. And I'm going to try my hardest to stop complaining. He always gets his favorite foods for dinner.

[katiegrl]

What do you complain about and how often?

 

I don't like that he calls you lazy, geez! What a crappy thing to say!

 

You do more than your fair share, what is he expecting, you are not his servant for chrissakes.

 

Although you pretty much act like one.

 

Imo he sounds like an ungrateful demanding control freak who doesn't appreciate you!!

 

Just curious but is this a dominant/submissive relationship?

[Clearsky]

He does appreciate me. He thanks me all the time, especially for the little things. It's kind of Dom/Sub, but it's not extreme or violent, and we are in love. He does admit he likes things done a certain way, but that has to do with how he was raised.

 

For example: If I leave dishes in the sink, he will get upset and call me lazy because part of me living here for free means I need to "pull my weight" around the house.

 

He works long days (sometimes 15 - 20 hour days) and on some occasions, he comes home unannounced to surprise us. He is usually exhausted after working so many hours and wants to come home to relax with his ladies in a clean apartment. He doesn't want a girlfriend being lazy watching TV and fooling around on her phone, which I will admit I am guilty of doing. He feels that I'm very addicted to my cellphone and would like me to cut down on it because we are having a baby soon.

Edited June 9, 2016 by Clearsky

[Els]

This doesn't sound right to me. A small amount of complaining is normal IMO - we all have our bad days and what's the use of a partner if he/she cannot even listen once in a while? The fact that he supports you financially doesn't mean that you can't vent about a bad day at home sometimes, just as how the fact that you handle all the housework doesn't mean that HE can't vent about a bad day at work sometimes.

 

Of course, that doesn't give you (or him) carte blanche to complain ALL the time - I can see how that would get frustrating. How often do you vent to him?

[katiegrl]

You say you thank him all the time for the stuff he doesn't but it's never enough.

 

You also cook his favorite meals every night, do the shopping, cleaning, etc. But he calls you lazy.

 

The sex is good.

 

Sweetie short of bowing down and kissing his feet every night when he walks through the door..... not sure what more you can do.

 

What does the other woman do? Are they in love too? How does he treat her? Does he call her lazy too? Are you and her friends?

 

Asked you before but what do you complain about and how often?

 

I dunno something sounds really off.... and unbalanced.

 

Keep in mind no matter what their girlfriends do, some men are never satisfied, no matter what their gfs do and how much they give, it will NEVER be enough.

 

Anywho, if you could answer the ^^ questions, it would be helpful to get more insight into the situation.

Edited June 9, 2016 by katiegrl

[Buddhist]

HSometimes he complains that I'm lazy and don't appreciate him....

 

Have you ever asked him what he means by that exactly?

[Emilia]

It's part of his tactic to keep you on your toes and under control, pliant. It's the same reason why he turns up unannounced at times, to make sure you never quite know what happens next. I bet he doesn't work 15-20 hours either but has other women on the go.

 

This is a very foolish situation you allowed yourself to end up in, in my opinion. He is going to erode your self esteem completely, keeping you dependent.

[Clearsky]

What does the other woman do? Are they in love too? How does he treat her? Does he call her lazy too? Are you and her friends?

 

Asked you before but what do you complain about and how often?

 

The other girl works too, but not as much as him. They're in love too. We're treated pretty equally in my opinion. He has called her lazy a few times. We're friends and get along for the most part, even though we don't have much in common. I just complain about little things, sometimes big....he's kind of picky, but it's kind of hard not to complain.

[bachdude]

Personally, I think calling you and the other woman "lazy" is verbal abuse.

 

If he thinks you should do more around the house, then he can just say so, in an adult manner that doesn't berate you.

 

"Lazy" attacks your character.

[Popsicle]

I think you would be much happier if you got a full-time job. Trust me on this, I used to be a stay-at-home wife/mom too. I'm thankful that I was able to do it and I thought I loved it then, but let me tell you, it's so much better to work.

[Tressugar]

This arrangement will never work. No one can love everyone equally. No such thing. I'd bounce now before it's too late.