yellowhibiscus Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 (edited) Awhile ago I decided to try online dating and met a really great guy. After about the 4th or 5th date he asks me at dinner if I was dating anyone else. I said no and then he told me that he deleted his profile because he wanted to see where things went with us. I was pretty excited because I really like him and think we get along great. He seemed like a very down to earth and genuine person- lives in the same town and has a good job with people that I know. Since then, we've seen each other every weekend and things are going well until this week when I feel like he hasn't been texting as often as usual. We've hung out over a dozen times. I had this weird gut feeling that something was off and saw that his profile is indeed still on the dating site and it said that he had logged in in the past week. I immediately spoke with him about what he wanted with us and made it clear that I wanted a relationship. He said that he was sorry that he thought that he had deleted the profile and that people keep messaging him. He told me that he did like me too and wanted a relationship with me and that he wasn't trying to be a jerk. However, his profile is still up as of today. We are supposed to see each other on Friday but I really don't have any desire to continue this if I am going to be played. I really like him though Advice is much needed... Edited June 8, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs, please use them ~6
BikerAccnt Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 Well, he'll probably toss back at you that your profile must still be up also, how else would you see it? Anyway, I know that with my last long term relationship, -- and I didn't ask this - when my then GF deleted her match account, she showed me the termination email Match sent her saying they were sorry she left. When you actually terminate, not just hide, your agreement with the site, generally they provide you with some type of email saying thanks and please stay. Now this may only apply to pay sites, I dont' know. But if he's serious and so are you, delete your profile, and show him any emails you may receive proving it. This should prompt him to to do the same. At least it did in my case. Good luck! 1
Grapesofwrath Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 I think Biker has a good idea. Show the email that indicates you deleted your account, which invites him to do the same. If it's just an app, then it's a little thornier. I would just be direct, and kind, and tell him you saw that his profile is still up on the site. Let him know that you just want to know what's going on, and if he wants to date others that's his prerogative but to be honest about it. That way, you can date others if you wish to as well.
Cinnamonstix Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 His actions aren't matching his words and your gut is telling you something isn't right, because it's not. He's not being up front and honest with you. There's no way he "thought he deleted his profile." Said another way, he's lying and is still waiting for something better to come along. That'd be a deal-breaker for me and I'd move on. 3
Author yellowhibiscus Posted June 8, 2016 Author Posted June 8, 2016 I feel like saying that I can't continue this until I see that he has deleted his profile. 1
Cinnamonstix Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 I feel like saying that I can't continue this until I see that he has deleted his profile. Even if a guy deleted his profile eventually, the deal breakers would have already occurred for me. 1) Not following through on his actions and then lying about it 2) Seeing if better is out there when he has spent so much time with you 1
katiegrl Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 I feel like saying that I can't continue this until I see that he has deleted his profile. Don't do that. First because it sounds like an ultimatum and thus manipulating. Second, why would you even want to date a guy you were forced to issue that type of ultimatum to? He should "want" to delete it on his own, from his heart, not because you gave him an ultimatum. Third, he could easily just sign up on another site. In fact he could be on a few others already. If it were me, I would wish him well and be on my merry way. There is no way he "thought" he deleted it.... calling BS on that. He is a liar and that is a dealbreaker as far as I am concerned. 4
Dis Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 Even if a guy deleted his profile eventually, the deal breakers would have already occurred for me. 1) Not following through on his actions and then lying about it 2) Seeing if better is out there when he has spent so much time with you Don't do that. First because it sounds like an ultimatum and thus manipulating. Second, why would you even want to date a guy you were forced to issue that type of ultimatum to? He should "want" to delete it on his own, from his heart, not because you gave him an ultimatum. Third, he could easily just sign up on another site. In fact he could be on a few others already. If it were me, I would wish him well and be on my merry way. There is no way he "thought" he deleted it.... calling BS on that. He is a liar and that is a dealbreaker as far as I am concerned. I second these opinions I have no idea why you're still entertaining the idea of this guy...never mind wanting to enter a relationship with him when...he lied to you If there is one thing I've learned about liars is...they dont change If he's already lying to you now....it'll only get worse later And like katiegrl said...he should want to delete his OLD profile...this isnt something you should ever ask him to do...this should be something he's happy to do on his own...the fact he didnt delete it speaks volumes about what he thinks of you and what he wants with you He seems like he's waiting for something better to come along and keeping you around in case he cant get it Also....dont believe a guy when he spews pretty words out of his mouth....believe his actions instead....what are his saying??? Not saying much huh??? 2
dumbass2 Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 He's lying if he said he 'thought he deleted" it. As others have said, if he wanted to delete it he would have. If he really thought he did and tried and it didn't work and it's still up even though he really really tried, then he's too stupid for you to continue to date if he can't manage something that simple.
Author yellowhibiscus Posted June 8, 2016 Author Posted June 8, 2016 So I went on a big spiel about how honesty is important to me and how I've been screwed over in the past and he still swears he is being honest. This is so disappointing.
Zahara Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 So I went on a big spiel about how honesty is important to me and how I've been screwed over in the past and he still swears he is being honest. This is so disappointing. So he told you he deleted it, found out it was still up. Then told you again he deleted it and it's still up. Why are you still bargaining in your head? Best to know now rather than keep investing in someone that blatantly lies. 2
Dis Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 So I went on a big spiel about how honesty is important to me and how I've been screwed over in the past and he still swears he is being honest. This is so disappointing. Hun...you will never...ever....get the truth out of a liar If things already smell fishy this early on...walk away It took my a long time to realize this but....we deserve to get what we give In other words...would you tell him that you deleted your OLD profile and NOT delete it??? Are you looking around for other people still??? Or are you investing all your energy and effort into him??? You need to demand that the guy you date can measure up to your standards.....that he can give you what you give him.... If a guy falls short...thats your cue to move on
WellHelloThere Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 So I went on a big spiel about how honesty is important to me and how I've been screwed over in the past and he still swears he is being honest. This is so disappointing. You should log in, using your friends profile, and message him. Say you were browsing to help your with their search and noticed his profile which he told you he deleted. But still, he's an idiot and a liar. I'd move on.
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) Awhile ago I decided to try online dating and met a really great guy. After about the 4th or 5th date he asks me at dinner if I was dating anyone else. I said no and then he told me that he deleted his profile because he wanted to see where things went with us. I was pretty excited because I really like him and think we get along great. He seemed like a very down to earth and genuine person- lives in the same town and has a good job with people that I know. Since then, we've seen each other every weekend and things are going well until this week when I feel like he hasn't been texting as often as usual. We've hung out over a dozen times. I had this weird gut feeling that something was off and saw that his profile is indeed still on the dating site and it said that he had logged in in the past week. I immediately spoke with him about what he wanted with us and made it clear that I wanted a relationship. He said that he was sorry that he thought that he had deleted the profile and that people keep messaging him. He told me that he did like me too and wanted a relationship with me and that he wasn't trying to be a jerk. However, his profile is still up as of today. We are supposed to see each other on Friday but I really don't have any desire to continue this if I am going to be played. I really like him though Advice is much needed... No one "tries" to be a jerk, that doesn't mean they still can't be a jerk. He told you after 5th date he had deleted is profile. You didn't ask, he offered that information. So based on that, you're excited and continue dating (and probably have sex too, correct)? Then his communication starts slowing down, your gut tells you something is off and low and behold you discover his profile is still up (first lie). You call him on it and he lies again and tells you he "thought" he deleted it. But then instead of deleting it, you discover it's STILL up! (Second lie) If that's isn't playing a woman, I don't know what is! I think you know what to do... I know you like him but the guy is a scammer. I would also suggest you get yourself tested (assuming you've been having sex). I'm sorry. Edited June 9, 2016 by katiegrl 1
Author yellowhibiscus Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 No one "tries" to be a jerk, that doesn't mean they still can't be a jerk. He told you after 5th date he had deleted is profile. You didn't ask, he offered that information. So based on that, you're excited and continue dating (and probably have sex too, correct)? Then his communication starts slowing down, your gut tells you something is off and low and behold you discover his profile is still up (first lie). You call him on it and he lies again and tells you he "thought" he deleted it. But then instead of deleting it, you discover it's STILL up! (Second lie) If that's isn't playing a woman, I don't know what is! I think you know what to do... I know you like him but the guy is a scammer. I would also suggest you get yourself tested (assuming you've been having sex). I'm sorry. Yep that's pretty much how it went. It sucks
mortensorchid Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I guess you can now put this into the "I will know better next time" category of experience. If I had answer for you as to why people do the things they do, I would tell you, but you I don't have one for this. Sounds like he is now withdrawing from you because he's not that interested anymore. For whatever reason. Sorry. Move on.
Author yellowhibiscus Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 I guess you can now put this into the "I will know better next time" category of experience. If I had answer for you as to why people do the things they do, I would tell you, but you I don't have one for this. Sounds like he is now withdrawing from you because he's not that interested anymore. For whatever reason. Sorry. Move on. What's strange is that he is saying he wants a relationship! If he wanted to date other people I wouldn't care...obviously I would date other people too and not invest energy into him. It makes no sense!
Zahara Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 What's strange is that he is saying he wants a relationship! If he wanted to date other people I wouldn't care...obviously I would date other people too and not invest energy into him. It makes no sense! It's not strange at all. It's online dating. There are people out there that will tell you what you want to hear. Focus on his actions, not his words. 5
dumbass2 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 It's not strange at all. It's online dating. There are people out there that will tell you what you want to hear. Focus on his actions, not his words. Everyone needs to remember this when questioning what a romantic partner says.
KellyAnn1 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 I used online dating before and gave up. Most people are never satisfied, way too picky. Almost all of the guys I met never deleted their account, and still had the nerve to go online after the 5th date!
katiegrl Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 (edited) What's strange is that he is **saying** he wants a relationship! If he wanted to date other people I wouldn't care...obviously I would date other people too and not invest energy into him. It makes no sense! Yes it does make sense. He's playing you! The problem is you insist on believing everything he *says* to you, like it's gospel or something. Please stop doing that. As others have said focus on his actions. Words don't mean jack shyt unless followed up with actions .....that match their words. This guy's words are meaningless...... to be blunt he's full of cr*p. He has shown you his colors....... see them, they're there and not changing. Sorry Edited June 9, 2016 by katiegrl
Lois_Griffin Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 What he SAYS and what he DOES are two dramatically different things. Like a lot of online daters, he's got what I call the candy store mentality. Just like how a kid walks into a candy store and can't make their mind up because each time they pick something, they see something else they like better on a another shelf. And God FORBID, what if they make their choice, pay for it, then find something even better on their way out of the store???? These people are always operating under the assumption that something better is just around the corner so they can't give 100% to one person - not when the perfect one might reach out to them any day now.... Dump his sorry ass.
Toodaloo Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 He is talking the talk but not walking the walk. In doing this he is talking to others and keeping his options open. By doing that he is not fully invested in you... He wants a relationship. Just not with you. Don't bother on Friday. Don't waste your time. Next. 1
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