girlhasnoname Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 Hi everyone! Hope to give and take advice from this site. It's reassuring to know we have forums such as this to help each other and get outsider, unbiased perspectives (because family and friends can't always offer that for us!) I apologize for the length of this in advance. A quick synopsis of my "love life" I dated a guy for 5 years in college. He was my best friend and soul mate on every level. No relationship is without work, but this was as easy and natural as can be. But I broke his heart and mine... it is a wound that is as painful today as it was the day we parted. After being single for a year I dated another man for two years. This was the night if the above relationship was day. We did not communicate, he was selfish, lied on multiple occasions, simply too emotionally larval to love anything but himself. I stayed with him because I felt this pressure to get married, ect. But I always KNEW it was wrong. Thank god I woke up and got out. Phew! Been single for three years (I am 30 now) And it has been TOUGH to even consider a relationship again. SO... I had reached out on fb to a guy I had a crush on in high school, as we have both ended up back in our hometown. We started texting and chatting here and there. Then he started to try and see me. I resisted for months people, months!!!!! I finally gave in and we met for a quick drink on his birthday-in November. It was sickening because I was floored by the intensity of our connection, and the fact that I literally felt 16 again. Sounds corny and cliche but damn it was true. Nothing romantic happened and at this point, I had no clue what his intentions were. But I was not ready to feel that way again. Months go by, casual chat here and there but I cut him out for my fear of feelings. I finally give in again and we met up mid May. He ended up kissing me and it was pure electric. Stupid good. I suppose that's what some 10 years of longing will create? Since then we have been pretty hot and heavy. We just have this incredible connection on a friendship level matched with insane chemistry. I am head over heels for this guy. And if I am honest with myself, if he's not the one I end up with I really am done. Simply because I don't think you ever get two shots at a soulmate. And now comes the BUT. And it's a big BUT(T) The Good: Calls me his girlfriend. He has told me he has always had me in the back of his mind. He has mentioned that he wants us to be together for a long time, ect. All the things a gal wants to hear from the guy who has her in knots. He's a gentleman who spoils me. The BAD: He had dated a girl for SEVEN years. SEVEN. The entirety of his adult life. I have been able to probe things out of him here and there, but it is clearly a wound he is still nursing. Maybe one that he will not get over, or that has jaded him toward relationships as a whole. So he also makes lot of offhand comments that directly negate the above things he says. Things that make me question whether he is 100% in this. He also has scaled back texting as much. And lately I have been saying more (I take awhile to warm up but once I do, I am all in) and many times he just flat out ignores my questions or fails to respond in a reciprocal manner. He is living with buddies and I have my own place. But he hasn't stayed here and we maybe see each other once or twice a week. (his work is unpredictable so that contributes) What do you all think? Am I a rebound for him-a prier? I know it's hard to know from just a post and it's not possible to paint the entire picture.
californiablonde Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 How long have you been seeing each other officially? Calling you his gf and saying he wants to be together long term are all well and good but if your feeling funny about the situation ask yourself why. If it is just the texting issue I would not necessarily worry that is unless he went from all day every day to almost absolutely no texting at all. What catches my attention is the fact that he has basically no response when you try and bring these issues/questions of the relationshiop up. As we all know silence is an answer in itself. His actions are telling you he wants things the way that they are. Hence the once a week visit and his choice to not stay at your place. I would if nothing else fall back for a while and see what happens, match his interest level. Take the pressure off and see if anything changes. He might be easing into things but don't assume that is the only possible reason. I think you are kind of blinded by your ten year crush/longing so as much as you want it to work its making it hard to see things clearly. Right now you need to start protecting yourself and prepare for the possibility this might not lead to a serious thing.
mammax3 Posted June 10, 2016 Posted June 10, 2016 I was wondering about how long it's been hot n heavy too - is that a few weeks or months or less? And a fairly reliable indicator is any sudden-ish changes: did he used to be all open and lovey and feelings-chatty in texts, and now he's not? Him pursuing you for months through social media sure make it feel like he's into you, but there's something happening that is causing you to doubt his interest. I think you should rely on your gut. If it's that open and friendly a relationship, I don't think it would be inappropriate to check in with him. And - it might help to explore what you want from a rp too.
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