smile95 Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I know that this stems from low self esteem, but does anyone know why or how I would think/let my self worth be determined if my ex calls, wants to see me, etc? How does someone become that way? Does it happen over time? Does the other person know that they are making this happen? I am just really confused as to why I have let him become my meter for myself? I have never done that with anyone before? Before my ex contacted me(after ignoring me a month) , I was a mess wondering what I did and why he hated me. As soon as he called, I felt better. That is not right! I should be able to be happy regardless of if he wants me. I just wanted to know what would cause this and is there a way to stop it from happening with him or any other person who may be in my life in the future? THanks!
westernxer Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 I know that this stems from low self esteem, but does anyone know why or how I would think/let my self worth be determined if my ex calls, wants to see me, etc? How does someone become that way? Does it happen over time? Because you've conditioned yourself into thinking that you can't be happy without a significant other. Falling in love demands a leap of faith, because you may end up falling. The bigger question is whether you can pick yourself up and try it again. Does the other person know that they are making this happen? Whether or not they know this won't make a difference. Anyone with a heart is capable of feeling this way. It's a good sign... it means you're still in touch with humanity.
ChuckDee33 Posted June 25, 2005 Posted June 25, 2005 I think many people can relate to this feeling of low self-worth after being broken up with. I know I can. The ex becomes a drug. One in which you become addicted to. With addiction comes tolerance and the conscious and subconscious need for more of it. When the ex calls, you feel suddenly perky again and in a better world. Then right after, after reality hasn't changed at all, you come back crashing down to it. It's very easy to get stuck in this cycle and not even realize it. I know because I did it to myself for like 8 months. Why does this happen? I can't say for sure other than that we are only human. It's normal to experience these thoughts. The only thing that is important to remember is that you gotta learn from your mistakes instead of letting them feed more of the same mistakes. Give it time like I did (and a good dose of NC) and you'll find your self-worth returning slowly but surely. It won't matter if he calls because you will have accepted that there is no changing the past...or the future. What is done is done and what will be will be. I am one to believe that everything happens for a reason. Why sit around and sweat the small stuff? Westernxer is right because once you've tasted true love for any significant length of time, especially of course for a long time with one person, it's difficult to come down from that world. Many crash and burn. Even harder if it was your first love, like me. Just think about this, that you were probably a happy and complete person before this relationship. There is nothing to keep you from being that again. Are you really gonna let one person define who you are and how you live your life? I don't know your situation so I don't wanna jump to conclusions about anything but I would recommend No Contact begin immediately. This is the only way to really get in the right head space. I can see you want to heal, that you are reaching out for a solution to this problem. I think NC could only be your friend here. Use it to heal then reevaluate your own strength of mind and heart. I used NC to my advantage and although we cannot see each other because it's still too complicated, I can talk with her on the phone now without my disposition changing. I'll call her from time to time, she'll call me from time to time and there's no worrying about when or why. It is what it is. This is just what I've experienced and what I think may help you. Good luck.
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