Should I give her a chance

[WellHelloThere]

That's the thing it was very specific with one of the guys and she didn't delete him.

 

And I asked her to delete all of the other guys because when they'd contact her it was specifically them trying to flirt.

 

There's a part of me that feels like by me clearly communicating something to get and her lying about it has crossed the line. How do I go back from that? She has just tested me by lying, if I give her another chance then it's like I'm giving her permission to do it again.

 

Do you think I'm I being too harsh with that statement?

 

It sounds like you want a more ethical partner and one who would not allow your relationship to be disrespected by other guys flirting with your gf and a gf who allows that. Your gf has already shown herself not to be that person. I don't think you have much of a choice.

[Kok]

Hmm, ok. Look, in the final analysis, lying is lying. Whether the conversation went well or not. If you are really convinced she has a lying problem and she doesn't change after a heart to heart talk, then I am afraid I would have to recommend parting ways.

 

Question, how did you bring up the topic? Could you provide a bit more detail about how the conversation went?

 

My main point is...perhaps, just perhaps, she has learned to deal with people controlling her (or her own false perception of people controlling her) by lying instead of just being forthright about what SHE wants in a relationship and standing up for that.

 

Some people are totally fine with their significant other going to clubs, having facebook friends with exs (as long as everything is always out and in the open), etc. Some are not.

 

If she can just learn to state what she wants instead of lying at least the communication would be better. Have you asked her what SHE wants or needs in a relationship? I wonder if she would really say or if she is too afraid to say it because she might lose you.

 

But in the end, you cannot change her if she is unwilling to communicate and instead resorts to lying.

 

It came up by someone commenting on one of her social media photos& her showing me. When I later asked who it was she then told me. It was at this point I explained to her how I felt about this, it (was not said in a aggressive or argumentative manner). And she said she understood and agreed.

 

She says all the time that she wants us to settle down get married and have kids. This seems to be the main thing on her mind everyday.

[LostOnes05]

This is the problem with this forum sometimes. You have absolutely no idea if she lied about it.

 

OP, innocent til proven guilty, ok?

 

I mean it's really the nature of any advice forum or giving someone advice in general. We will only ever know one side and it's OP's side. Since we are all strangers (or are we??! ) and it's pretty anonymous...no sense in asking for advice with a lie. He explicitly said she lied about it, so it's all we have to run with. But I understand where you are coming from.

 

I'm a true believer in the saying that past behavior is a good predictor of future behavior. It's kinda like getting into a relationship with an addict and then being shocked if/when they relapse. It's no different with a cheater (in my humble, insignificant, but biased opinion). What makes you so different from the other guys she cheated on? The fact she says she loves you? (these are rhetorical and not aimed at OP) My experience has taught me that word means nothing to some people. Again, keep an eye out for actions!!

[WellHelloThere]

It came up by someone commenting on one of her social media photos& her showing me. When I later asked who it was she then told me. It was at this point I explained to her how I felt about this, it (was not said in a aggressive or argumentative manner). And she said she understood and agreed.

 

She says all the time that she wants us to settle down get married and have kids. This seems to be the main thing on her mind everyday.

 

If that happened, then you'd really have a problem with her lying and disrespecting. You'd be thinking about getting a divorce, alimony, child support, who gets the house, child custody, who's she seeing while you are talking about the getting a divorce. Or do you just stay with her and suffer for 18 years for the sake of the kids?

[smackie9]

Thanks for this. The thing is that I have tried to have heart to hearts with her about this, as she has had previous controlling boyfriends.

 

I doubt these BFs were controlling....that is what SHE is calling it. I feel she is playing victim here. These were concerned BFs like YOURSELF, not controlling. Like I said she is a manipulator/liar. She is playing the game to switch blame....she ain't no innocent.

[LostOnes05]

That's the thing it was very specific with one of the guys and she didn't delete him.

 

And I asked her to delete all of the other guys because when they'd contact her it was specifically them trying to flirt.

 

There's a part of me that feels like by me clearly communicating something to get and her lying about it has crossed the line. How do I go back from that? She has just tested me by lying, if I give her another chance then it's like I'm giving her permission to do it again.

 

Do you think I'm I being too harsh with that statement?

 

Not harsh at all. Some people will test your boundaries when you draw the proverbial line in the sand. They will kick sand over it and take another step and another and another. Ask yourself, what kind of gratification does she get from keeping orbiters around her? Attention? Grooming a fall back guy? Actually just a friend?

 

If you choose to walk away...do it and mean it. Don't say maybe this, maybe that. Because as soon as she sheds a tear, you'll be right back in the same situation. You have given ample opportunity for her to change at that point. If you choose to stay understand that you may be the subject of more tests like these. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide what you can and can't live with.

 

Take your time and think about it. It's a pretty heavy decision

[ChickiePops]

She told me that she had deleted these guys. But is still friends with them. She 100% lied to me about this

 

When you two spoke about her deleting these guys did you ASK her to do it or did you DEMAND that she do it?

 

In my mind, she still agreed to it and then lied about it either way, but since you're being accused of being controlling, let's see if you actually are!

[Kok]

When you two spoke about her deleting these guys did you ASK her to do it or did you DEMAND that she do it?

 

In my mind, she still agreed to it and then lied about it either way, but since you're being accused of being controlling, let's see if you actually are!

 

No I didn't demand, but I made it clear that I would not be with a girl who still interacted with other guys.

 

I explained that I found it disrespectful to our relationship& asked her if she was okay with deleting these people and she said she was. I didn't want to ever make her feel like she can't be herself, so that she felt the need to lie.

[mikeylo]

Break up is on the horizon.

 

She doesn't respect you or the relationship. She told you 'yes' to stop you from 'nagging' her so that she could continue her distasteful and dishonest behavior. Not worth a dime. She wants to marry you etc? Lmao ! She will marry you and have affairs right under your nose under the wide old blanket of ' friends '

[mikeylo]

It won't let me edit ! Anyways, those men will, sooner or later laugh in your face for having her, right in front of you and you left watching them having a good time at your cost. Humiliation at its best ! You will be called a million names behind your back. Free her and let her 'friends' have her.