Gaeta Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 Chicaboom: You're in your 30s I think it's time for you to go get your driver's license. You are 1 hour from him because of public transportation, if you had a car it would take you what? 20 minutes to get to him? When 1 of the 2 is not driving it always turn into resentment. It's always the same one doing the driving and spending gas. Getting your license would make a huge positive change in your relationship. I live in the suburb and I have dated a couple of guys living downtown with no car. It's a pain in the neck and it never lasted very long. I got tired very fast of being the taxi. 1
getsmartie Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 (edited) That was a big assumption. Who says we had to abandon our respective lives? I still hike with my dog each night, still go out with my adult daughter and friends and he still plays golf and go out with his friends. In between all that we both do what's necessary to be together. Yesterday he worked till 22h at night. Instead of heading to his bed 4km away he preferred to sleep next to me (25km), knowing he had to be up at 6h this morning and back to work. You are someone's priority or you're not. And if you are he will show you with his actions. Even at 50. Fair enough but I think I'll say that we agree to disagree on such topics. There still has to be a balance and yet progressions in relationships. For instance for us personally we do plan on living together once his daughter leaves for university (not for another 16 months though) and in the meantime we continue to spend 3 times a wk together. A big assumption from your post that we are not each others priorities. We are indeed. If we were not I'd be training for a full Ironman race which takes over your whole life and he would be playing golf all wknd long. OP....you need to decide what works best for you. Some people are ok with having a relationship build slowly and others here expect their new relationship to fast track (that is spending every night together). Edited June 11, 2016 by getsmartie
katiegrl Posted June 11, 2016 Posted June 11, 2016 I think it is important to consider your (generic your) bf's living situation too. For example, if he is living in a small one room studio with no kitchen or TV than of course he is gonna want to drive an hour to spend night with gf at her large very comfortable home. OP's bf has a nice comfortable home so prob not as inclined to want to do the hour drive after a hard day at work ....as would a man whose living situation was not as ideal....... 1
joseb Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Yesterday he worked till 22h at night. Instead of heading to his bed 4km away he preferred to sleep next to me (25km), knowing he had to be up at 6h this morning and back to work. You are someone's priority or you're not. And if you are he will show you with his actions. Even at 50. Everyone is different. To me that seems ludicrous. I don't care if I was going our with *insert my dream partner on the planet here*, in a situation like that I would just want to crawl into my bed and have a blissful sleep (unless I hadn't seen her for a while and couldn't see her for a while) To me that does sound a bit like codependency tbh. But if it works for you guys, well then that's all that matters. I just don't think it's realistic to expect that. OP, as a fellow non car owner I can relate to your situation. But for much of my time in the states, even I had one. Often makes life easier. But I'm not sure it would fix your situation. Sure you could get to him easier, but it might just drag on the situation. Now personally seeing my partner at weekends and occasionally midweek is perfect, but I don't want marriage or kids. So really, you still need to have the "future" conversations. 1
Gaeta Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 Fair enough but I think I'll say that we agree to disagree on such topics. There still has to be a balance and yet progressions in relationships. For instance for us personally we do plan on living together once his daughter leaves for university (not for another 16 months though) and in the meantime we continue to spend 3 times a wk together. A big assumption from your post that we are not each others priorities. We are indeed. If we were not I'd be training for a full Ironman race which takes over your whole life and he would be playing golf all wknd long. OP....you need to decide what works best for you. Some people are ok with having a relationship build slowly and others here expect their new relationship to fast track (that is spending every night together). My comment about priorities was concerning OP's situation not your. I agree there is to have progression and mt bf and l came to this dynamic progessively. As for OP there isn't the progression she wishes for after a year dating.
Gaeta Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 (edited) Everyone is different. To me that seems ludicrous. did you forget how it is to be in love? Yes when he is too tired he stays at his place but often his desire to be with me wins over. You will hold it against him? Being in love and showing it is ludicrous now. Edited June 12, 2016 by Gaeta 1
katiegrl Posted June 12, 2016 Posted June 12, 2016 did you forget how it is to be in love? Yes when he is too tired he stays at his place but often his desire to be with me wins over. You will hold it against him? --- **Being in love and showing it is ludicrous now. No course it's not ludicrous G. I am happy for you that it's progressing and working out so well for you! :love: You deserve it! 1
Popsicle Posted June 13, 2016 Posted June 13, 2016 My boyfriend wants me to stay with him every night but I won't and he is not happy about that. I think if I saw him as a long-term potential then I would be more willing to stay with him more often than the weekends, but I would never move in with a guy without being married. I don't do that for anyone. If we're going to be together every day and night then we're going to be married.
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