Dating an older woman who has never had a serious relationship

[CaveDweller73]

Met this woman a few weeks ago while taking a LYFT. She was my driver. she is good looking and good conversationalist so I asked for phone number and she gave it to me. She is in her early 40's. Works a regular full time job and LYFT's part time at night.

 

 

I am having a hard time processing some stuff. In this getting to know her stage, I have found out she has never been married or has any kids. Turns out she has really never had a serious relationship. She has dated over the years but nothing ever materialized. I find this odd. I am 43, divorced and before I got married I had several LTR's. She is really good looking and looks young for her age but I am trying to remind myself looks aren't everything.

 

 

Her house is a little messy and in slight disarray. I take it she doesn't cook or clean much and has been single for so long I guess she feels no need to impress anyone.

 

 

She does not appear to be active much. Sleeps in in on all her day offs and never asks me to really do anything but to come over to each others houses and watch TV or movies. I go to the gym, enjoy the outdoors, hike when I can, and she doesn't seem to do much outside of work or her house. I have invited her to do some physical activity and she says she is tired from working late the night before and does not seem to share many of my same interests.

 

 

She sends me texts saying she can't wait to see me again but I am really trying to figure out if there are some red flags here or she is just a lazy introvert?

[BaileyB]

I won't really speak to some of the concerns you have, except to say that sometimes it can be a red flag. But know, there could be many reasons why she doesn't have much relationship experience and it doesn't necessarily mean that she is not wanting/able to make an excellent partner for someone.

Edited June 7, 2016 by BaileyB

[Buddhist]

Works a regular full time job and LYFT's part time at night.

 

She sends me texts saying she can't wait to see me again but I am really trying to figure out if there are some red flags here or she is just a lazy introvert?

 

Yeah she sounds super lazy working a full-time job plus night shifts....:roll eyes: Stop making excuses and just realise that apart from you liking the way she looks you both have nothing in common. If you're going to dump her at least be honest with yourself about why.

[Grapesofwrath]

There can be innumerable reasons why she hasn't had an LTR yet. Rather than judge her and her lifestyle, perhaps better to simply accept that the two of you are not compatible in a real way.

 

This is why we date. To get to know someone. It is a process of elimination. Most relationships end, and the dating process is designed to figure out if the relationship could continue and stand the test of time. In your case, sounds like it won't. No need to cast aspersions on her.

[JustGettingBy]

Given your description of her work, she could be working 50-60 hours per week. Would tire almost anyone out, and probably the reason she sleeps in and doesn't leave the house much.

[preraph]

Honestly, she sounds like me in earlier years. I wasn't into the whole domestic thing. I didn't want that. I was quite comfortable with just myself and not having to listen to anyone grip about if I'm not doing this or that. To me, she just sounds independent. Probably it would take someone to just fit into her life for someone to stay in her life. She probably isn't going to want to adjust much at her age. I don't think she sounds lazy. She's working and making a living on her own. Just because you don't enjoy cooking or cleaning much doesn't make you lazy. It usually means you feel you have other things you enjoy more and don't want to just be on the treadmill of life.

[Dis]

Maybe the real issue isnt that she has never had a LTR....your incompatiblities with this woman seem much more glaring.

 

If you're already noticing things you dislike about her so early on...she probably isnt the right one for you hun

[coolheadal]

Ask yourself these questions?

 

1. Do you like her?

2. Do you love her?

3. Do you like being with her?

4. Do you miss her?

5. When your with her how do you feel honestly?

 

If 1 thru 5 is Yes then you stay with this woman for good. You have prime catch here and you don't see that?

 

So what, she never married or doesn't have any kids so many women are like that today. Just have to deal with it. This women text you and wants to be with you. Why don't want that. So you gym so what. She working a lot of hours maybe she has to pay off her mortgage. Why don't to her about this. Enjoy the time you have with her. But a robot to clean up the floors. They're cheap today. Help her clean-up her house. Even if you want get a maid service to come in or you do the work.

 

Be the first to love her if you not happy the leave. I wouldn't leave I would stay!

[Ami1uwant]

Unsure how much relationship details she gave you.

 

Her not having a LTR is a red flag....that does not mean marriage or livein BF.

 

Ask gear why the relationships ended and when her last relationships were?

She could be hiding something in her past ...she was in prison, she was a lesbian, she is a tad psycho which is why guys ran.

 

She could have a child and raised the child as a single mom starting at 19, now her kid is thru college, thus she says she has no kids. Being a single mom she could not find relationships. I have seen people on dating sites saying they have no kids when their kids are 18 and older.

 

She also could have had a serious relationship and was married but won't talk about because of big isdsues in it like a painful or heated divorce or she became an unexpected widow at a young age so it took her a long time to move on.

 

When I talked with my ex gf about her past relationships, she glossed over them early on making it sound like they were not that serious.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I don't think a woman in her 40's whose never had a LTR is a red flag. Maybe for some, I have been single for almost 13 years all up. It really doesn't bother most men I date. They'll say like " wow that's a long time" but they'll move on a lot quicker than i expected.

 

I think the fact that she is just a little untidy and you are tidy-- could be a result of being single for a long time but some "perma-singles" are really anal about cleanliness and tidiness. I think it's more of a lifestyle difference.

 

I think if you are going to let her down you have to do it as gently as possible. She might have a lot of hope in you and she may be feeling the euphoria of " finally!"

 

So if you are going to let her down, be mild and state your reasons carefully and clearly.

[Emilia]

If you want a relationship, you need to find someone you are compatible with.

 

I am 43 and my flat can be in slight disarray but I sure as hell tidy up when I'm expecting someone. I also cook 90% of my meals, have different interests and when I meet a man, I always want to understand his hobbies, what makes him tick, etc. To be honest, that's part of understanding how to draw someone in. It's .... intelligent to want to understand the person and share his interests.

 

I'm sure she works hard but as an adult I think it's fair to expect someone to have a fully rounded, interesting life. She is in her early 40s and while most of us go through difficult times, the fact that she appears to live to work is not a good sign.

 

You are basically finding her boring and she is clinging onto you because she has nothing else in her life. If you want someone that contributes rather than takes away, she isn't for you. I'm guessing the reason why she has never had an LTR is around those reasons.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Met this woman a few weeks ago while taking a LYFT. She was my driver. she is good looking and good conversationalist so I asked for phone number and she gave it to me. She is in her early 40's. Works a regular full time job and LYFT's part time at night.

 

 

I am having a hard time processing some stuff. In this getting to know her stage, I have found out she has never been married or has any kids. Turns out she has really never had a serious relationship. She has dated over the years but nothing ever materialized. I find this odd. I am 43, divorced and before I got married I had several LTR's. She is really good looking and looks young for her age but I am trying to remind myself looks aren't everything.

 

 

Her house is a little messy and in slight disarray. I take it she doesn't cook or clean much and has been single for so long I guess she feels no need to impress anyone.

 

 

She does not appear to be active much. Sleeps in in on all her day offs and never asks me to really do anything but to come over to each others houses and watch TV or movies. I go to the gym, enjoy the outdoors, hike when I can, and she doesn't seem to do much outside of work or her house. I have invited her to do some physical activity and she says she is tired from working late the night before and does not seem to share many of my same interests.

 

 

She sends me texts saying she can't wait to see me again but I am really trying to figure out if there are some red flags here or she is just a lazy introvert?

 

 

 

If this woman were merely a math problem, I would first search for the solution by studying all you could about her adult life to date. Most significantly, DID she make a routine/habit of meeting lots of other humans out there in the world somewhere?

 

OR did she work in a corner office, mostly alone, in a workplace full of females?

 

 

Of course, even if you learn exactly why she has never had a long-term relationship, you may not have any useful information, depending upon whether it has been circumstance which kept her from meeting lots of possibilities, or whether red flags about her personality were the reason.