I took 4 days to email a girl back...too much?

[WellHelloThere]

I've met this girl in person a few times. I emailed her last week for the first time. It was just a short email of a couple sentences saying Hi.

 

She emailed back later that day. She seemed happy that I emailed her. But I stupidly didn't email back for 4 days. I emailed her back and asked her to go out when she's free. I left it open, because she's doing a couple trips for work in the next couple weeks.

 

Anyway, it's been a couple days without a reply, Yeah, I know for me to worry about 2 days, when I went 4 days is kind of ridiculous. I was just wondering if taking 4 days to reply was too much. I didn't mean to take that long though.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, 4 days is too long, in my opinion. Why did you not respond sooner? it makes you appear rather uninterested.

 

If you wanted to ask her out, you should have asked for her phone number so you could call and do so. Emailing an invite after 4 days is kind of weak.

[BaileyB]

Sorry, I just had a similar thing happen to me and if he would have waited four days to respond to my reply, I would assume that he is not really serious.

 

Send another email if you want telling her that you are sorry it took so long to respond to her and letting her know that you are really interested in seeing her... But be sure to back that up by being super consistent if she gives you a chance.

 

Best of luck.

[kendahke]

Why do you think it was stupid of you waiting 4 days to respond?

 

I think it's interesting that you say, on the one hand, you engaged in a behavior that you deemed stupid, but you go on to imply that you didn't mean to do that.

 

I think she interpreted it for just as it was: you really weren't interested once she responded. People make time to do things they really want to do. You chose not to make time--for whatever reason.

 

I'd say that in the future, strike while the iron's hot.

[Emilia]

Call her.

 

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[WellHelloThere]

Yes, 4 days is too long, in my opinion. Why did you not respond sooner? it makes you appear rather uninterested.

 

If you wanted to ask her out, you should have asked for her phone number so you could call and do so. Emailing an invite after 4 days is kind of weak.

 

the email was through a site. i thought it was set up to notify me by email if i got a message. i thought she hadn't gotten the message or didn't reply, till I went back and saw the message.

[WellHelloThere]

Call her.

 

____

 

i don't have her number

[WellHelloThere]

So most people here seem to think 4 days makes it seem like im not interested. I can see why, since I usually message ppl back within a day or 2.

 

As a whole I don't know if I would seem uninterested. I did initiate things by message her ans asking her out. I'll make a point to get back to her quickly in the future.

 

I've had a couple girls take a month to contact me. I gave them a chance. Hopefully she's the same.

[Buddhist]

You might get lucky and get a reply but it's really likely she is gauging your interest as low and is going to give it a miss.

[frus69]

If I went out on a date with a guy and he took four days to text me afterwards then yes , too long . But if nothing literally happened yet I wouldn't think four days is too much. Maybe I'm just different.

I wouldn't assume he is super interested, but I also wouldn't think its a problem considering he doesn't know me yet and I would still give him/us a chance. Hope she is the same OP good luck

Edited June 7, 2016 by frus69

[Versacehottie]

I wouldn't try that again, lol.

 

I hope she gets back to you. Get her number!

[WellHelloThere]

If I went out on a date with a guy and he took four days to text me afterwards then yes , too long . But if nothing literally happened yet I wouldn't think four days is too much. Maybe I'm just different.

I wouldn't assume he is super interested, but I also wouldn't think its a problem considering he doesn't know me yet and I would still give him/us a chance. Hope she is the same OP good luck

 

 

I see it the same. Ideally, a quicker message is better. The couple times it took someone about a month to get back to me, we hadn't gone out yet. They were just girls I met once. Sometimes timing if off for one reason or another.

 

But if I have actually dated someone, I'd be more sensitive to them taking a very long time without communication.

 

If it were the other way around and I don't hear from her for a couple weeks, I wouldn't take it too personally. Not everyone is immediately available to start dating someone new.

[WellHelloThere]

Yesterday I set the notification preferences to email me when I get a message. Then I proceeded to check my email about a dozen times.

[dumbass2]

i don't have her number

 

This is a problem if you are interested in her and have met a few times already. Emailing is just so impersonal. Level of interest wise phone call is best, then text and then email (email only if you haven't even met yet)

 

Are you really interested in this girl? What was your reason to wait 4 days to contact her? I sense that you aren't all that interested and she probably feels the same. No body knows for sure, but if you don't hear back shortly, then try one last time (not too needy or pushy) and try to get her number. Need to strike while the interest is hot.

[WellHelloThere]

This is a problem if you are interested in her and have met a few times already. Emailing is just so impersonal. Level of interest wise phone call is best, then text and then email (email only if you haven't even met yet)

 

Are you really interested in this girl? What was your reason to wait 4 days to contact her? I sense that you aren't all that interested and she probably feels the same. No body knows for sure, but if you don't hear back shortly, then try one last time (not too needy or pushy) and try to get her number. Need to strike while the interest is hot.

 

I like her a lot. But to be honest, I'm not at a point where I want to get into something serious or even able to see her more than once a week. Maybe I will be in a couple months, just too much stuff going on in my life where I'm worried about being caught up and distracted by someone new. So maybe I'm sabotaging this. I'm not going to message her a second time without a reply. I can accept that she doesn't want to see me for whatever reason. And if she gets back to me in a few weeks or whatever, that's fine too.

[kendahke]

I'm not at a point where I want to get into something serious or even able to see her more than once a week.

 

If you don't have the time for this, then let this go. Be fair to her. What if she's interested in a full blown relationship? Then you're just wasting her time right now when she could be with a guy who is ready right now.

 

You can't deliver and know you can't deliver on a relationship right now. Liking her is really meaningless, seeing as you don't want to do much about it.

[WellHelloThere]

If you don't have the time for this, then let this go. Be fair to her. What if she's interested in a full blown relationship? Then you're just wasting her time right now when she could be with a guy who is ready right now.

 

You can't deliver and know you can't deliver on a relationship right now. Liking her is really meaningless, seeing as you don't want to do much about it.

I agree. If she wants a relationship now, then I don't want to waste her time. I know that she is recently out of a relationship, so maybe she isn't looking to get into a new one. It's all speculation at this point.

 

It might be a good idea for both of us to get to know each other better if she actually does like me and isn't looking for anything serious at the moment. If she does get back to me and we go out, I'll talk to her about these things.

 

But at this point, she is either annoyed about my delayed email and is delaying her reply or wont reply now or she doesn't like me.

[WellHelloThere]

Now it's 3 1/2 days. I'm not expecting her to reply.

 

But I was thinking about everything and wondering if there was ever a chance. She made a point to talk to me when she saw me in person, initiated conversations. I take that as her liking me on some level, may not be more than friends though.

 

I saw that she messaged me back 2 hours after my first message. She wrote that she was happy to hear from me, gave an update on something we talked about before and added some small talk type of discussion.

 

So I was wondering if it's likely that I had a chance before I may have annoyed her with my slow reply.

[ExpatInItaly]

Now it's 3 1/2 days. I'm not expecting her to reply.

 

But I was thinking about everything and wondering if there was ever a chance. She made a point to talk to me when she saw me in person, initiated conversations. I take that as her liking me on some level, may not be more than friends though.

 

I saw that she messaged me back 2 hours after my first message. She wrote that she was happy to hear from me, gave an update on something we talked about before and added some small talk type of discussion.

 

So I was wondering if it's likely that I had a chance before I may have annoyed her with my slow reply.

 

I would say yes, you did.

[frus69]

Now it's 3 1/2 days. I'm not expecting her to reply.

 

But I was thinking about everything and wondering if there was ever a chance. She made a point to talk to me when she saw me in person, initiated conversations. I take that as her liking me on some level, may not be more than friends though.

 

I saw that she messaged me back 2 hours after my first message. She wrote that she was happy to hear from me, gave an update on something we talked about before and added some small talk type of discussion.

 

So I was wondering if it's likely that I had a chance before I may have annoyed her with my slow reply.

 

Objectively speaking you guys are merely acquaintance at this stage and I don't see the big deal messaging an acquaintance sparsely. If she expects an acquaintance to be head over heels otherwise it's not good enough then maybe, maybe she's tad high maintenance

 

Or she actually has unfinished business with her ex

 

Just move on, you didn't miss out much imo

[WellHelloThere]

Objectively speaking you guys are merely acquaintance at this stage and I don't see the big deal messaging an acquaintance sparsely. If she expects an acquaintance to be head over heels otherwise it's not good enough then maybe, maybe she's tad high maintenance

 

Or she actually has unfinished business with her ex

 

Just move on, you didn't miss out much imo

 

Thanks, that's a good point. We were acquaintances.

 

I don't know all going on in her life. I said to let me know if she'd like go out when her time frees up, referring to all the stuff she has going on now. She could be taking that literally and will get back to me when her time frees up.

 

I'm moving on from it. I wasn't going to message her again if no reply. She knows how to reach me. I've had girls contact me weeks later out of the blue, when I had already figured they wouldn't, so who knows.

[WellHelloThere]

She ended her message "look forward to talking with you" and I asked her out. I guess I should have gone with more chatting. I'm good with talk and she seemed to like that. Her message was twice as long as mine, both times. And really positive. I think I will message her again in a couple week.

[Popsicle]

I always think that people should just be themselves and do whatever they feel. It's so stupid to play games on purpose and do something unnatural just to try to get someone to like you more.

[WellHelloThere]

I just told her I like her. Had to do it.