What is with guys who don't tell you they have girlfriends?

[kissed]

Has anyone else noticed this? I have noticed something with a lot of guys I meet, socialise with whatever. They never tell me if they are in a relationship or even if they know I know they will never bring it up. Work colleagues I know have girlfriends will spent entire lunches with me talking about life whatever, never mention girlfriend. This guy I volunteer with I'm pretty sure has a girlfriend has never told me about her. It's always him going on a weekend hiking break or whatever and no mention of who he's going with. The major one has really been bugging me. A friend of mine for over ten years has actually hidden girlfriends from me. So we talk like once a week, I occasionally ask him how his romantic life is and he'll immediately go 'nope nope I'm not seeing anyone.' I honestly thought he had never had a girlfriend since high school and was really shy and weird around women. I now find out from a super reliable source that he has literally had a load of girlfriends all over the place. That he is the furthest from shy and weird around women and can go to a bar and pick up a girl no problem. I mean WTF? You have a friend who you talk to for like an hour or over once a week and you don't think to tell her about your girlfriend. I'm thinking this is all some caveman 'oat sowing' deal, keep all options open.

[central]

... I'm thinking this is all some caveman 'oat sowing' deal, keep all options open.

 

You're probably right. Or, they're just curious to see if they still have "it" to attract a woman, even if they'd never act on it.

 

I'm very happy with and proud of my wife, so I like to talk about her. And if I did, you'd probably avoid me! LOL

[jen1447]

Most ppl who don't mention spouses or partners wish on some level they didn't have them, or they're at least having a little fantasy experience outside that relationship where they don't exist.

 

Ppl talk about stuff in their lives that makes them happy so ....add it up.

 

I suppose it could be some type of player code but it seems odd to me, esp w/longtime friends and not just someone you met at the bar 10 minutes ago.

 

Are you all that that they'd want to hold out any and all chances w/you?

[kissed]

I find my friend the weirdest. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want a relationship with me, I dropped some hints a while back because I kinda liked him and he never made the move so I'm pretty sure he's not really interested. I think it strokes his ego to know that there's a girl out there he could make a move on who thinks he's single.

[Shining One]

Both genders hide the fact that they have significant others for the same reason: They have something to gain. In some cases, it's an ego boost. In some cases, it's financial. I work with a group of women who have been "single for happy hour" for three years now.

[Gloria25]

Yes, I don't get that about men...

 

But think about it, if they tell you about a gf, you're not gonna give them the time of day.

 

I think my current guy is seeing someone/other women. I don't know why he just won't come out with it. I mean, the corny excuses also turn me off too. So, if they're trying to hide it in hopes to keep you interested/turned on - it still makes you turned off. It also makes you feel like they're looking at you and spinning all these silly tales as if you're stupid or something

 

My last FWB was upfront when he was seeing someone else. While we continued to see each other, yes, it did sorta bother me. So yes, that's why men hide it.

[elaine567]

I find my friend the weirdest. I'm pretty sure he doesn't want a relationship with me, I dropped some hints a while back because I kinda liked him and he never made the move so I'm pretty sure he's not really interested. I think it strokes his ego to know that there's a girl out there he could make a move on who thinks he's single.

 

In your other thread, you say you are 33 and have never had a bf, so would it not be a bit tactless for your friend to mention ALL his gfs, gfs he seems to have no trouble attracting.

[Emilia]

I never talk about my private life in a work setting, regardless whether it's going well or not. There are various reasons for this, I'm a big fan of boundaries where I don't see the people around me as friends.

 

I'm also not keen on people bringing up my 'romantic life' and asking questions. Mind you, my friends are similar so there is no intruding. We do talk about SOs and exes, that's true. However, a lot of people don't like being bugged about the subject, we talk when we are ready. This goes for male friends, especially.

 

If you find consistently that a lot of guys don't talk about girlfriends, it's because you bring up the subject too much.

[carhill]

Has anyone else noticed this? I have noticed something with a lot of guys I meet, socialise with whatever. They never tell me if they are in a relationship or even if they know I know they will never bring it up.

Yep, not uncommon and not new either. IME, been going on since I was old enough to know what infidelity was, and that's quite a long time.

Work colleagues I know have girlfriends will spent entire lunches with me talking about life whatever, never mention girlfriend. This guy I volunteer with I'm pretty sure has a girlfriend has never told me about her. It's always him going on a weekend hiking break or whatever and no mention of who he's going with

Sure, they're enjoying the moment. Girlfriend or wife is another moment/moments and now is now and then is then.

The major one has really been bugging me. A friend of mine for over ten years has actually hidden girlfriends from me. So we talk like once a week, I occasionally ask him how his romantic life is and he'll immediately go 'nope nope I'm not seeing anyone.'

Can't imagine a long-time sincere friend being like that. I guess people are like that but we always have choices in who we're friends with.

I honestly thought he had never had a girlfriend since high school and was really shy and weird around women. I now find out from a super reliable source that he has literally had a load of girlfriends all over the place. That he is the furthest from shy and weird around women and can go to a bar and pick up a girl no problem.

Guess his image was well-crafted if you were deceived for so long.

I mean WTF? You have a friend who you talk to for like an hour or over once a week and you don't think to tell her about your girlfriend. I'm thinking this is all some caveman 'oat sowing' deal, keep all options open.

 

Yeah, life is full of surprises like that. After awhile, though it does make life a bit more boring and predictable, nothing surprises you. At some level I'd probably want to relive a bit of you but know the grim reaper doesn't allow that.

 

Each experience teaches lessons. Hopefully this stuff will help you in future interpersonal relationships and also your own life. While I don't date guys, being a hetero guy, I thank all the women I've encountered in life for teaching me so much. Truly a gift.

[Shining One]

I just remembered a trick my friends and I fell for a couple times. A couple work buddies and I would go to a popular sushi bar right after work just before it busy. We would "secure" the best spot by the bar, holding a chair for each of us. We would offer those chairs to ladies we were interested in so we could chat them up. A couple times, an attractive woman would come up by herself and ask if the seat was taken. Naturally, we would let her take a seat. Once she sat down, she would signal her boyfriend/husband who was waiting out of sight to join her. After the second time that happened, one of us was put in charge of watching the entrance to prevent that sort of thing.