Stage5Clinger Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 I recently found myself infatuated with a single mother who is recently divorced. We have been doing some light texting and light flirting about the office. I don't want to creep hard on her so I've been just letting her text me first when she isn't busy and then we back and forth a bit. I'm very interested but I just don't want to push her away and I believe my feelings have been super obvious. Women in a similar position; are you looking to take your next relationship really slow? Are you even interested in starting another relationship? Do you prefer to text the guy first and is it understandable that guys don't text that much? Finally, would you want to date someone you work with? Would you want time spent together to come about naturally or should I ask this girl out? Do you consider how they would interact with your child? Lots of questions but I know this one would come with some baggage and I've never considered getting involved with someone in this position.
rj243 Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 Hey there! How long has she been divorced? How's the relationship with her ex (still involved with the child? Volatile or civil?) How old is her child? At work, are you working closely together? My two cents: Going just on what you've said so far, I'd be careful about starting a relationship with a colleague if you are working in the same department and definitely cool it if either you is in charge of the other one - it's no fun if it all goes pear-shaped down the line. If you aren't working closely, then I would consider asking her out but keep it low-key at work and expect to take it slow. As a single mum, she's probably got a lot going on. That mingling "naturally" may not happen, unless you're eating lunch together? For sure, if she's interested in anyone, she's considering how they will react and gel with her child, but you should be a looooonnng way away from meeting her little one. It's fine to show interest in her child because he or she is an integral person of her life, but most parents aren't keen to introduce boyfriends / girlfriends until they feel it's fairly serious. You still need to get to know each other and see if you're a good match. As for texting, that might depend on how old you both are and how busy you are. For me, I appreciate it if my guy texts me, but chances are I won't see it straight away - I might be at work in a meeting or doing the school run, or sorting out bedtime at home. You can always just check you aren't interrupting, or send a text that doesn't require a reply (or at least doesn't need an instant reply). I don't expect him to text that much - we mostly use texts to set up times to meet in person. However, many people do really appreciate texts more often, especially if you can't get together face to face. Good luck! 2
Grapesofwrath Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 Hey there! How long has she been divorced? How's the relationship with her ex (still involved with the child? Volatile or civil?) How old is her child? At work, are you working closely together? My two cents: Going just on what you've said so far, I'd be careful about starting a relationship with a colleague if you are working in the same department and definitely cool it if either you is in charge of the other one - it's no fun if it all goes pear-shaped down the line. If you aren't working closely, then I would consider asking her out but keep it low-key at work and expect to take it slow. As a single mum, she's probably got a lot going on. That mingling "naturally" may not happen, unless you're eating lunch together? For sure, if she's interested in anyone, she's considering how they will react and gel with her child, but you should be a looooonnng way away from meeting her little one. It's fine to show interest in her child because he or she is an integral person of her life, but most parents aren't keen to introduce boyfriends / girlfriends until they feel it's fairly serious. You still need to get to know each other and see if you're a good match. As for texting, that might depend on how old you both are and how busy you are. For me, I appreciate it if my guy texts me, but chances are I won't see it straight away - I might be at work in a meeting or doing the school run, or sorting out bedtime at home. You can always just check you aren't interrupting, or send a text that doesn't require a reply (or at least doesn't need an instant reply). I don't expect him to text that much - we mostly use texts to set up times to meet in person. However, many people do really appreciate texts more often, especially if you can't get together face to face. Good luck! Lots of wisdom for you in this post. How long she's been divorced (or is she still only legally separated?) and her custody situation will be important factors. Does she have 100% custody? 50/50? As a working mom, she has a lot on her plate no matter what the custody schedule. If you show a sensitivity to that, she will be charmed. If she has 100% custody, then scheduling time with you will be a challenge for her and she will appreciate very much your understanding with that. Definitely keep it low-key at work. It's crucial to do nothing that jeopardizes her job, which she needs to support her family. I'd suggest that you invite her to do something with you that is easy and won't stress her, like taking a walk together at lunchtime (if that's feasible where you work) or inviting her to have lunch with you. Then you can get to know more about her situation. As a single mom, I don't consider introducing my kids to a bf until we've been dating for a while (at least 6 months) and I think there is an excellent chance that he'll be sticking around for a long time. Six months is a pretty typical timeframe for younger kids, so calibrate your expectations. Dating women with kids has its challenges. But what I've also been told is that they tend to be more loving, nurturing, and mature than women without kids. They tend to be less selfish, also, as they have already crossed that threshold from thinking only of their own needs to putting first the needs of another. The fact that you asked the question is a positive sign. 1
Author Stage5Clinger Posted June 8, 2016 Author Posted June 8, 2016 Thanks for both of your responses. I appreciate it! I don't think they have gotten a legitimate divorce quite yet as she's maintained her married name so far. It's still pretty fresh honestly with it only happening maybe 7 months ago. Her child is about 5 years old and I believe she's splitting custody with the father. It may be too soon for her to get back in the market but I'm not really sure. She seems to really like me but I know how deep those wounds must go... It took me years to get over an ex with no children to tie us together.
SugarLips72 Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 If you are interested, let her know and ask her out. If she responds back in a short amount of your time to your texts she's probably interested. Ask her what night she free/kidless and ask her if she would like to grab dinner. 1
Grapesofwrath Posted June 8, 2016 Posted June 8, 2016 Thanks for both of your responses. I appreciate it! I don't think they have gotten a legitimate divorce quite yet as she's maintained her married name so far. It's still pretty fresh honestly with it only happening maybe 7 months ago. Her child is about 5 years old and I believe she's splitting custody with the father. It may be too soon for her to get back in the market but I'm not really sure. She seems to really like me but I know how deep those wounds must go... It took me years to get over an ex with no children to tie us together. If she's splitting custody, it will be easier to find time to date, so that's one issue handled. She will probably love it if you plan things so she doesn't have to. She has enough planning and scheduling to do already. I think 7 months is enough time to be ready to date, but everyone is different. If you extend an invitation, that's really all you can do. Keep it casual at first. I'm sure she would very much enjoy a fun night out, laughing, and relaxing with adult conversation. Single moms tend to be very appreciative of this kind of time. Also, don't sweat the married name. I have been separated/divorced for almost 6 years and I still have my married name as my legal name. Reason for this is simple: the kids. It's a lot easier to travel with them, sign their school forms, handle medical issues if we all share the same last name. I have less than zero desire to reunite with their father. This is purely a matter of convenience. When they are 18, I'll change it back.
Author Stage5Clinger Posted June 9, 2016 Author Posted June 9, 2016 If she's splitting custody, it will be easier to find time to date, so that's one issue handled. She will probably love it if you plan things so she doesn't have to. She has enough planning and scheduling to do already. I think 7 months is enough time to be ready to date, but everyone is different. If you extend an invitation, that's really all you can do. Keep it casual at first. I'm sure she would very much enjoy a fun night out, laughing, and relaxing with adult conversation. Single moms tend to be very appreciative of this kind of time. Also, don't sweat the married name. I have been separated/divorced for almost 6 years and I still have my married name as my legal name. Reason for this is simple: the kids. It's a lot easier to travel with them, sign their school forms, handle medical issues if we all share the same last name. I have less than zero desire to reunite with their father. This is purely a matter of convenience. When they are 18, I'll change it back. Thanks, grapes. Now just to set something up. I am god awful at text conversations so the more time I can spend with her the better.
Grapesofwrath Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 Thanks, grapes. Now just to set something up. I am god awful at text conversations so the more time I can spend with her the better. Great! I'd go with something like..."Wow! It's a gorgeous day today. I'd love to get outside at lunchtime for a bit. Care to join me? We could walk to (fill in the blank). Only say it the way you say things, you know, like a guy.
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