SevenCity Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Thanks for your reply Seven City thing is, the relationship was good. we didn't really argue much at all and were just best friends aswell as lovers throughout our relationship. He just couldn't handle not having his own space and got fed up. I kind of think hat maybe he freaked out that our relationship was getting so serious so young. the break up was very out of the blue. But we won't be living together in just over a months time so we said we would see how feel then and maybe try again not living together, but he said he can't promise anything but i said neither could I. we had this conversation probably about 6 weeks ago. It was litrelly just living together so soon and so young that really got to him Well one harsh reality is that it was not good - if it was he wouldn't have ended it. If it meant that much to me I would say let's move out but still see each other. And it always seems out of the blue when you are dumped. It was not out of the blue for the dumper. Once you have a chance to reflect you will see that there were problems. Before I break or give up on RLs I have always expressed my concerns prior. I was not always given that same courtesy. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 Well one harsh reality is that it was not good - if it was he wouldn't have ended it. If it meant that much to me I would say let's move out but still see each other. And it always seems out of the blue when you are dumped. It was not out of the blue for the dumper. Once you have a chance to reflect you will see that there were problems. Before I break or give up on RLs I have always expressed my concerns prior. I was not always given that same courtesy. Absolutely agree. Any time I have broken up with someone, it was not a sudden decision especially if the relationship was a relatively peaceful one. I had always mulled over it, even if it didn't show. I struggled with the decision at times, because there were no obvious dealbreakers in those cases. I just didn't feel the same way and wanted something different from my exes. It's also true that while things seemed great, evidently it wasn't so great for him. That's not to say you did anything wrong, OP. It just means that it wasn't working for him at this point and he felt confident enough in his decision to let you go.
Author rachaelh Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 Well one harsh reality is that it was not good - if it was he wouldn't have ended it. If it meant that much to me I would say let's move out but still see each other. And it always seems out of the blue when you are dumped. It was not out of the blue for the dumper. Once you have a chance to reflect you will see that there were problems. Before I break or give up on RLs I have always expressed my concerns prior. I was not always given that same courtesy. Neither of us can afford to move out as we still have to pay rent here and would have to pay somewhere else! so one of us moving out just wasn't an option due to financial reasons. but yeah, we said we may try when we have a officially moved out. but i guess you are right, we're trying not to stay in the same place atm so we could potentially try now. i kinda think he does want to see what life is like without me aswell as he generaly just felt suffocated in the relationship from living together. The only flaws i see in the relationship were that we spent too much time with each other to soon. It's not a good way to do a relationship- realistically, i think you naturally need to build up to that, we just went from 0-100.
Author rachaelh Posted July 19, 2016 Author Posted July 19, 2016 Absolutely agree. Any time I have broken up with someone, it was not a sudden decision especially if the relationship was a relatively peaceful one. I had always mulled over it, even if it didn't show. I struggled with the decision at times, because there were no obvious dealbreakers in those cases. I just didn't feel the same way and wanted something different from my exes. It's also true that while things seemed great, evidently it wasn't so great for him. That's not to say you did anything wrong, OP. It just means that it wasn't working for him at this point and he felt confident enough in his decision to let you go. I don't mean it was out of the blue for him, i mean for me. Like there wern't really any signs of anything that would lead to a break up. I mean, alot of people break up because their relationship turned bad for whatever reason, but ours never did? I know he had thought about it before he did it and that it wasn't random- i mean it was random and out of the blue for me
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2016 Posted July 19, 2016 I don't mean it was out of the blue for him, i mean for me. Like there wern't really any signs of anything that would lead to a break up. I mean, alot of people break up because their relationship turned bad for whatever reason, but ours never did? I know he had thought about it before he did it and that it wasn't random- i mean it was random and out of the blue for me It doesn't have to have turned bad, per se. It seems it lost its spark too quickly, at least on his side. Being around each other all the time so soon usually kills the mystery and excitement, which is hard especially at a young age. Too quickly, the relationship becomes routine and stale (for lack of a better word) at a stage in your lives when the urge to explore is generally strong. I think he just realized he's not ready to settle down yet. I know you weren't necessarily looking to get married at this point, but cohabitation can start to feel like a marriage after a while. I speak from experience on that, having lived with a couple boyfriends. He's not ready for it. Continue on about your business as normally as you can. I think your healing will progress rapidly once you've moved out.
SevenCity Posted July 20, 2016 Posted July 20, 2016 I don't mean it was out of the blue for him, i mean for me. Like there wern't really any signs of anything that would lead to a break up. I mean, alot of people break up because their relationship turned bad for whatever reason, but ours never did? I know he had thought about it before he did it and that it wasn't random- i mean it was random and out of the blue for me Trust me. Once you've had time to reflect you'll see the signs. I understand moving out was not financially feasible. Also, RLs, like stars (cosmic kind) that burn so bright burn out quicker. Let me ask, do you want to get back together?
Author rachaelh Posted July 20, 2016 Author Posted July 20, 2016 Trust me. Once you've had time to reflect you'll see the signs. I understand moving out was not financially feasible. Also, RLs, like stars (cosmic kind) that burn so bright burn out quicker. Let me ask, do you want to get back together? In all honestly, I feel i'm moving on and i see a light at the end of the tunnel. I definitely feel so so much better than how i felt say 6 weeks ago. However, I do believe we had a good relationship. I am moving on and I am ok on my own now but I do still love him. So yes, i do what him back. I do miss him and he was my best friend, so of course i'd love to have him back in my life. I mean sometimes now i really do wonder if i actually do what him back, but i think i do.
Author rachaelh Posted August 2, 2016 Author Posted August 2, 2016 (edited) Sorry title was supposed to say "i need advice" Basically my ex boyfried broke up with me 2.5 months ago saying that he didn't feel the same way anymore. we had been together just shy of 2 years. He said it was living together that made him feel this way. I basically lived at his house 4 months after we moved in together and we moved in properly together about a year ago. He said it was to much for him and he just doesn't feel the same way anymore. When he broke up with me in May he said he'd felt this way for about 4/5 months. Im personally beginning to think it's his physical attraction towards me and GIGS. I put on 1.5 stone in my third year of uni (which I have lost again now plus an extra half a stone) and he also seemed to have had attention from a couple of other girls 6 months prior to our break up. He has untagged all photos of me on fb which I think is due to his ego of wanting it to look like he hadn't been with me. But surely he must have been attracted to me at some point to get with me?? like yes, i put on weight but i've lost it now. He also deleted a profile picture of him and his girlfriend before me (who i must admit, not being big headed, was probably less attractive than me). I feel he wants to go and date other girls and see what he can get. There really was nothing wrong with our relationship, we were best friends aswell as lovers and didn't argue much at all. Anyway, 2 weeks after we broke up we said we'd see how we feel in a couple of months as we would be moving out of our house then (Which is this weekend, he's been staying at a friends house since a week after we broke up) and he said the reason for him feeling this way was because of living together, so i said why don't we see how we feel in a couple of months when we're not living together and maybe try again then, in which he agreed and said yes but he can't promise anything. Thing is, i still feel like he has feelings for me-he said he did when he broke up with me and i'm not sure there's a few things i've read between the lines and i just feel like he does. Anyway, i did decide that i wouldn't contact him to meet up and talk about how we feel and that I'd let him be the one to do it. However i have immense feelings to call him and talk about it. I just want to know. I really want him back, but everyone says the best way is to not contact them and to move on and then they may be attracted again and that talking about the relationship will only push them away further. I am trying to move on I'm just struggling this week. Advice please. Edited August 2, 2016 by rachaelh
aloneinaz Posted August 2, 2016 Posted August 2, 2016 Don't contact him, period. Have some strong self respect and pride in yourself. It sounds like you're both in your early 20's? If so, you both should have more relationship experience with others. I'm not clear on when you gained the weight? Before you met or during the R/S? For A LOT of guys, that would be a MAJOR turn off. Guys would feel like you are too comfortable in the R/S and are letting yourself go. I know a lot of girls who've kicked their BF to the curb when they started gaining weight and letting themselves go. A lot of people get turned off by this. Personally, you should block him and stay strick NC. He kicked you out of his life and basically said he wants to date and go out with others. As a guy, when I've ended a R/S, I was DONE. There was no going back. I knew the consequences of freeing up the woman I was with. She was going to move to other guys and i was fine with it. I'm a STRONG advocate of never restarting a R/S that has broken up. It ended once for a reason. The vast majority of the time, reconciliations only work out in the movies. I don't personally know of any long term R/S that's endured a break up. You mentioned you've shed the pounds and are now in shape. Focus on yourself and start dating again when your ready. Don't focus on a FAILED R/S that's dead and buried. Move on to your next great love. My last serious GF ended us because I didn't have the guts to. I vanished from her life. My mindset was "you don't want me in your life, you got it"! I healed and started dating a few months later. I met my now 3 year GF that's vastly better than that ex in every way. I'll also say it was pretty sweet when the ex came back to me 6 months after ending us and not hearing ONE thing from me while begging for me to come back to her. She of course was told no thanks. I'd already bought that ground w/her and the breakup/s demonstrated we were simply not compatible. Stay NC. Enjoy being single, dating and have fun. Time and NC heals all wounds faster than you think.
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