kilcher Posted June 24, 2005 Posted June 24, 2005 I am really in a quandary. For some background info, please check my original thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t64826/ So I was really proud of myself for doing strict NC with the "ex" for around two weeks, that is when she started to call about unfinished business such as a few packages that came for her and mail that still comes to my place (we lived together). Everytime she calls, the "business" aspect of the conversation would literally last all but a minute or two, then we would go on to talk for an hour, sometimes even two. It's just very hard for me NOT to talk to her when she calls. I know since I've been talking to her when she calls, it really doesn't count as NC, but I really have made no attempt at contacting her. I made it very clear in every one of our recent conversations that I am practicing NC not to be an a-hole towards her, but for the sake of myself. She doesn't understand why it can't be LC, but grudgingly obliges. The very next day, and the next, she calls again about "business" (packages, mail), and we still continue to talk. At this point, we're pretty warm towards eachother again. Talks about getting back together ensues. She tells me that she wants to maintain contact, because she ultimately wants to get back together with me "when the time is right." Actually, her exact words were, "There's a 98% chance that we will be together again." Whatever that means. I go ahead and express my interest in wanting to get backtogether as well, but definetely not now, since I want to work on some unresolved issues I have with myself before getting back together. Don't get me wrong, she has quite a few issues as well. This all seems hunky-dory except for the X-factor. There's this guy that she liked during our relationship. Now she's hanging out with him quite frequently. She assures me that she doesn't want a relationship right now with him and that she's already told him that. I really don't know what to believe. I told her bluntly that I think she's trying to have the best of both worlds.... Having him, and having me as a spare. She actually did not vehemently deny this assertion! She clarified that it's more like I'm at bat, and the other guy is on deck. I was like, "WTH!" I told her that I don't think that's right and her only response is, "it's not like I'm doing it on purpose." Sigh. What am I getting myself into here. So now that we're talking quite frequently, (I still never call her, she calls me everyday) I feel like we're a couple again with certain expectations. She calls me so much now that if she doesn't call (yesterday or today), I feel sad and annoyed at the same time, which I find extremely irritating on my part. We're not together, so why have these feelings? Just to let you know, I was completely without these feelings when I was practicing strict NC when she wasn't calling about stupid things. Are these feelings completely irrational and without merit? Also another thing that's been on my mind is that the guy is out of town for a week, so I don't know if her frequent calls and meets have been because the other guy is not around. He comes back this Sunday night. We shall see if her "affection" towards me continues when he comes back. What do you guys suggest I do to avert these feelings? Also, I'm trying hard to work out my issues (therapists, books), but I see her doing squat about anything. I think she's become even more irresponsible (one of the few things she really needs to work on). I'm just afraid when I do finally work out my kinks in a few months (who knows how long), she'll be no where near where I would like her to be. Then what? Move on? Wait? Agggh. Relationships suck when nothing works out.
Zaira Posted June 30, 2005 Posted June 30, 2005 It sounds to me like she wants to have her cake and eat it too As you have lived together, then you will have to talk about "business" things. Is there anything wrong with just staying friends? If you can't do that (because of your deep feelings for her) then you have to be strong and have minimal contact so you can sort yourself out. Once you've discussed the things to do with the mail and stuff, just let her know that you can't talk and have other plans. It will hurt, but you owe it to yourself.
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