awacs88 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Hi, Ill try to explain this as short and easy as possible. I dated a girl for 4 years, i was 23 she was 19 when i met her. She was an amazing girl when i met however, i knew she was young and i always kept that in mind. Me and her are very different but i'd almost say that balanced out our relationship in some form. She would always say i would bring her back to reality because i was more of an introvert and she loves the clubs and being the center of attention, for the most part i preferred a low key bar and a few beers as an example. We had our ups and downs, i made my fair share of mistakes and she was no angel even though she claims otherwise. I would say this relationship became toxic at one point however we both did care deeply for each and i always wanted the best for her and I was not controlling and tried to be very reasonable with her which for the most part she could not. We had our breaks throughout the years but would be back together within a month which as usually me reaching out to her. She depended on our relationship heavily and it was honestly exhausting at points and she was quite insecure deep down however masked it through partying and her strong presence on social media. Some days i felt like i was walking on egg shells if i didn't respond to a text the right way she would become very passive aggressive and hold it over my head. She always claims i was an ******* but anyone that knows me I'm far from that and did tons of good things for her and she also did things for me as well which i will always appreciate. This may sound very dumb, however i knew she had a lot of growing up to do and in some form i did also but i always said to everyone that she would be a girl i could marry once she was a little older and developed her own self, because i remember my mid twenties and it took me along time to realize who i was. She had a toxic mother who showed her no love and still does, which i know affects her tremendously and also a dad that is not in her life. Shes a very strong person and does not show these problems easily due to her pride and ego, which could be her downfall. At the end of the relationship we had both taken each other for granted i believe. I know we both loved each other but the push pull had taken its toll on both of us and we basically just went our separate ways. Weeks later i find out she was seeing a new guy. This was honestly a shock to me and went out in a mini freak out mode, and reached out to her but she said she was happy with this new guy and she maybe even already loved him. I said OK i will leave you alone, even tho this almost killed me at the time. I met a girl shortly after who i started casually dating slowly, and she eventually found out about it and would say really odd things about this new girl. In some form she sabotaged my new relationship by calling me a lot, and texting here and there just to keep her on my mind, and in reality i shouldn't of been in a rebound relationship in the first place. As you can imagine both of our rebound relationships ended. We then started to hangout more and more and things i thought were going well, however in this time she apparently had been loving her new found freedom, yet still wanted me there for her security blanket. In the months we had been broken up i realized how much i truly missed her and truly loved her and i really mean that. It gave me perspective on things i did wrong and allowed me to work on myself and i became a better person. We would hook up regularly and i would in a sense try to force things as in us begging another relationship together which i look back now and regret but couldn't help it at the time. Every time i would walk away from her because i felt she was just playing games with me she would text me 2 weeks later and say she missed me and we would meet up and hookup and id think things were changing but no was just her making sure i was still there. Long story short she led me on for 5 months till finally saying she was moving on with her life and i needed to do the same. I was honestly angry because i felt like she had played games with my head till it really messed me up then just tossed me to the curb after she saw me suffer. She claims she doesn't want to date anyone and just wants to focus on herself and figure out her life as she just graduated college which i understand however it really took a mental toll on me for the last 5 months and honestly I'm still madly in love with her and would love to get her back at some point. I've Definitely done my fair share of some pleading and trying to persuade her things would be different and all that, and i now understand if we ever get back together it will be on her terms. I guess i'm just looking for a good mental perspective to take and some advice. I've done no contact numerous times and she usually reaches out within weeks then stonewalls me. I recently did no contact for about 2 weeks and shes ALWAYS at her friends apt who lives in the same apt complex as me so her car is constantly here and i ran into in the parking lot the other day. She parties a lot now and claims shes very happy with what shes doing however its clear its a cry for help in some form. Any advice id appreciate. I've gone back to school to finish my bachelors degree by the end of summer, been running a lot, hanging out with new girls and work out a lot. However seeing her car constantly really has kept me in a standstill in some form. Its almost as shes become a narcissist. Shes very cold now, lights up social media for attention and is constantly partying to feel like shes the center of attention. All her friends are fake and are just people she parties with who could careless about her.
NIGHT1985 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Honestly, you need to block her number/social media accounts and begin healing. You're never gonna get this girl back, and even if you did, it wouldn't last. She sounds extremely toxic for you, and isn't considerate of your well being. It's harsh, but you gotta remove any ability of contacting her. You'll move on and meet great people, but don't rush it or force anything. Take time figuring out who you are again, and who you wanna be. Learn new hobbies, try some meet up groups, and make new friends.
Buddhist Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 she loves the clubs and being the center of attention, She depended on our relationship heavily and it was honestly exhausting at points and she was quite insecure deep down however masked it through partying and her strong presence on social media. She had a toxic mother who showed her no love and still does, which i know affects her tremendously and also a dad that is not in her life. Shes a very strong person and does not show these problems easily due to her pride and ego. Every time i would walk away from her because i felt she was just playing games with me she would text me 2 weeks later and say she missed me and we would meet up and hookup and id think things were changing but no was just her making sure i was still there. I've done no contact numerous times and she usually reaches out within weeks then stonewalls me. I recently did no contact for about 2 weeks She parties a lot now and claims shes very happy with what shes doing however its clear its a cry for help in some form. Its almost as shes become a narcissist. Shes very cold now, lights up social media for attention and is constantly partying to feel like shes the center of attention. You know what? Maybe she is a narcissist? Nothing in that story says on any level that she either loved you or is even capable of being loving. So far all I got from it was she was young, an attention seeker and liked to party a lot. She's also apparently failed to grow out of those habits some years later. Don't be suckered into thinking you can help her, white knight, and rehab this girl. People like this are low on self awareness. It may not even hit her until she's just too damn old to endlessly party and garner much attention off social media. She might, around that stage have a mid-life crisis and be forced to confront her issues. Or she might marry some well-off dude and spend her life shopping in Neiman Marcus and having affairs. Either way, you need to get on with life and resume NC. You will meet someone else and eventually you won't even remember her name.
Author awacs88 Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 Yes its such a complicated thing because she makes me feel like i was the one who completely ruined our relationship. She claims i ruined her life for 4 years because we would break up and a few times i would talk to other girls, however i have to snap back and realize that i broke up with her for reasons at the time. She made me feel as is i was an ******* and that i needed to prove to her how much i loved her but yet when i did that she got what she wanted and basically was over it. And now basically acts as if I'm crazy for being upset and hurt by it. I will admit i did hurt her however she was a very young girl who was looking for love i don't believe i could give her because shes so messed up from her childhood. Honestly a part of me is proud of her for "figuring out her life after college" because i do believe that's healthy and normal. She makes me believe that doing molly frequently and loving EDM music is normal for any 23 year old. She claims i don't even know who she is anymore, but i find it funny because no one her friends are actual friends yet she claims they know her best. I'm a pretty confident guy but ill admit she really brought me to my knees at one point and i believe she loved every moment because she claims i ruined her life which most people who were around us would laugh at.
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