Still hung up on a 3 month thingy :(

[monmon238]

Hey Guys,

this is my first post here i hope i can get some advice.

 

so first i need to give you some background stuff, i have moved to Germany about 4 years ago and before that i live in a conservative community where you are not supposed to have intimate relationship or sex before marriage.

 

so about a year ago i met a girl that i really liked and she liked me too, we went on a couple of dates and we even kissed on the first date because we both felt a click between us. so we started seeing each other and on the third date we had sex which was the first time for me, i was 27 back then, i started developing feelings for and i wanted to see her more often and then she started saying she was not sure what she wants and that she ended a relationship recently and not looking for something serious, and i said ok, lets keep seeing each other and see how it goes and she agreed, however i got really attached and after about 2 month she started pushing me away and the we went on a a complete month with here saying she doesn’t have time to meet but we will meet soon, at one point i had too much and ended it. i regretted after it because i kind loved her and she said no, its not gonna work because we want different things. i sent her a one time a text saying i miss her and she replied saying its better we don’t have any contact and that she will not answer my texts anymore.

 

now a year later i have a girlfriend that i met about 7 month ago, and i really like her, but i don’t feel the same way about her as i felt for the "ex", and she loves me and she said it a couple of times but i can’t push myself to say it back, and i keep thinking about the other girl a lot, although she has been really mean to me.

 

so do i feel that way because she was my first or what is it? Should i stay with my current gf or its not fare for her since i still think about the other girl?

 

i would really appreciate any type of advice or any previous experience with similar situation?

 

Thanks

[Erik30]

I think you basically already answered your own question.

There's something missing with your current girlfriend.

I've been in a situation like that where the girl I was dating "wasn't able to make me forget about my ex." (Even though it also only lasted a couple of months) With the right girl, you probably wouldn't have these thoughts and your focus would be on your girlfriend

[Gaeta]

That is really unfair to your current girlfriend who's invested 7 months into this relationship with you while you were still mourning an ex.

 

You cannot possibly justify making this woman waste anymore time on you while you are still hung up on an ex.

 

You need to let your current girlfriend go and finish your mourning process. That's what happen when you don't fix your heart before engaging in a relationship with someone else, it catches you down the road and then you have no choice but to address your heartbreak.

[Zahara]

Should i stay with my current gf or its not fare for her since i still think about the other girl?

 

It isn't fair to your girlfriend. This is what happens when you move on to someone else after an ending without fully resolving your past feelings.

 

Let her go so that she can find a relationship where someone is equally invested in her.

[monmon238]

That is really unfair to your current girlfriend who's invested 7 months into this relationship with you while you were still mourning an ex.

 

You cannot possibly justify making this woman waste anymore time on you while you are still hung up on an ex.

 

You need to let your current girlfriend go and finish your mourning process. That's what happen when you don't fix your heart before engaging in a relationship with someone else, it catches you down the road and then you have no choice but to address your heartbreak.

 

well i thought another relationship will make me forget her and be invested in the new one, how else would i fix my heart as you say?, and please don't get me wrong, i care a lot about my current girl friend and i do have feelings for her, but i can't help but think about my ex from time to time, thats why i am trying to understand why...cause i don't want to throw away something good because of a failed previous what i can call barely a relationship.

[monmon238]

It isn't fair to your girlfriend. This is what happens when you move on to someone else after an ending without fully resolving your past feelings.

 

Let her go so that she can find a relationship where someone is equally invested in her.

 

 

then how would i resolve these past feelings?

[Zahara]

then how would i resolve these past feelings?

 

You don't get into a new relationship to forget the last one. You don't fill the painful void that your ex left by finding someone new. You fill that void on your own.

 

Often times, when exiting a relationship, we often seek a new one for almost always the wrong reasons. Whether it's loneliness, fear of pain, feelings of rejection, etc. The healthy thing to do would be to remain still in your pain, feel it, work through it, grow from it and focus on recultivating your life again. And you take as much time as you need to find emotional and mental clarity. We often lose a part of ourselves when we're in a relationship. This is when we regroup, look inward and focus on fully healing and moving on.

 

When you've reached a point where you're at some level of indifference in terms of emotions for your ex, and feeling excited again about life and the thought of dating/meeting someone new/emotionally available, then by all means do it.

 

People who jump from relationship to relationship, thinking it's going to save them from their pain, often end up hurting others and often end up having the past come around again to haunt them.

 

From pain comes growth.

[heydad75]

Hey Guys,

this is my first post here i hope i can get some advice.

 

so first i need to give you some background stuff, i have moved to Germany about 4 years ago and before that i live in a conservative community where you are not supposed to have intimate relationship or sex before marriage.

 

so about a year ago i met a girl that i really liked and she liked me too, we went on a couple of dates and we even kissed on the first date because we both felt a click between us. so we started seeing each other and on the third date we had sex which was the first time for me, i was 27 back then, i started developing feelings for and i wanted to see her more often and then she started saying she was not sure what she wants and that she ended a relationship recently and not looking for something serious, and i said ok, lets keep seeing each other and see how it goes and she agreed, however i got really attached and after about 2 month she started pushing me away and the we went on a a complete month with here saying she doesn’t have time to meet but we will meet soon, at one point i had too much and ended it. i regretted after it because i kind loved her and she said no, its not gonna work because we want different things. i sent her a one time a text saying i miss her and she replied saying its better we don’t have any contact and that she will not answer my texts anymore.

 

now a year later i have a girlfriend that i met about 7 month ago, and i really like her, but i don’t feel the same way about her as i felt for the "ex", and she loves me and she said it a couple of times but i can’t push myself to say it back, and i keep thinking about the other girl a lot, although she has been really mean to me.

 

so do i feel that way because she was my first or what is it? Should i stay with my current gf or its not fare for her since i still think about the other girl?

 

i would really appreciate any type of advice or any previous experience with similar situation?

 

Thanks

Hi,

 

I saw your post and wanted to reply. I understand that it can be hard to forget our past relationships. As men we are constantly pulled away and thinking that we are missing something in our relationships. Often times, we do not think about the other person in our relationships. I know that I am guilty of it even now though I have been married for 17 years. Is it possible for you to really focus on this new relationship and honor and cherish this woman as a good thing? When we start focusing on the other person and serving them is when we really exhibit that God given gift of being a man.