LillySail Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 I am hoping someone can help me understand this guy I am currently supposedly dating. He initiated the relationship, meaning he called me for a date, I accepted. This was back in December. We hit it off, he was a complete gentleman, he texted me in the mornings, he was attentive. I introduced him to my kids, he built relationships with them. They adored him. This was highly touchy for this family because my children's father passed away. So for them to be so accepting to this new man, was an amazing transformation to watch. We did things together, the 4 of us. Had supper during the week and on weekends. 6 months we have been together. All was perfectly fine until 3 1/2 weeks ago. All of a sudden, he has no time to see me. Every night it is a different excuse and not telling me until he is already either doing it or on his way to do it. He has disappointed me so many times in the last 3 weeks, I have literally left behind any romantic feelings I have for him. He does not have 5 minutes to see me. Here is the confusing part. He won't stop calling me. He calls me every single night like we are still together but yet in my eyes we are not. Mind you, I cannot ask this man why he continues to call because I would never in a million years get a straight answer. Why do I continue to talk to him, because I feel guilty if he calls multiple times, I feel like I have to call him back, stupid I know. He obviously has no concern for me or my feelings, why should I for him? Remember, in 3 1/2 weeks he has not asked me to do anything with him, I have asked him 4 different times only to be turned down. If I am busy living my life and I miss his call, he will literally call me 3 times within 30 minutes. I am so confused. Like I said, if I ask him what his deal is, I won't get a straight answer. I am just curious if this is something someone else has experienced. I know the solution, stop talking to him. I just need to understand what happened or why a grown man, yes a grown man in his forties would behave like this. Wouldn't it be better just to tell me it's over? Am I being unreasonable here? I wanted a relationship where I actually got to see the person, not a phone relationship. Something is going on here and I just cannot pinpoint what it is. I do not believe it is another female at this point because when he calls me, we talk for 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours. Maybe it is, I don't know. Thanks in advance!
hippychick3 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 I would not waste more than a minute talking to someone who did not want to see me. I would tell him, "I prefer to talk in person. Let me know when you have time to meet up. Please don't call me anymore." End of conversation. 1
Buddhist Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Something is going on here and I just cannot pinpoint what it is. I do not believe it is another female at this point because when he calls me, we talk for 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours. Maybe it is, I don't know. He played perfect partner and then as soon as the relationship seemed to be turning serious, or required something of him he bolted. He's just attention seeking at this point. I know it's incredibly difficult to understand when you are not the kind of person in the habit of living under pretence. Unfortunately he appears to be someone who does. This is a classic relationship pattern for certain individuals with various personality disorders. When it happened to me I just could not understand how someone I had lived with for over a year suddenly became this stranger I had never met. It appeared to happen in a matter of days too. There really is no answer to the question 'why'? It's like asking why birds sing or seeds sprout. They just do. Likewise people whom otherwise have seemed normal suddenly become someone else. They've got stuff going on with them and we'll probably never know what it is. All you can do is realise two things..... 1. It won't ever return to how it was. You've had that relationship with him and it's gone now. He's not the same person he pretended to be. 2. If you keep entertaining him he will just continue to do things that don't make sense and you'll end up questioning your own reality. Worse, you may buy into whatever story he contrives and make some important decisions on the basis of that. I was lucky I got out when Mr Hyde first turned up. I'm so glad I didn't take it further knowing the sequence of events that played out in his life in my absence. Take care of yourself and let him go, for you and your kids sake. 3
frus69 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 What happened is he is showing his true color. Why he pretended to be a perfect partner? I'm sure you can figure it out. Why he stopped pretending? You don't need to know. Just know that he is not a good guy that is going through something, but a shady guy who merely pretended to be perfect. Move on.
mortensorchid Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 He's being wishy washy and doesn't want to let go even though he wants to. He's in stalker behavior - he may be saying he is looking out for you or wants to be friends, but what he is really saying is "You WILL acknowledge me" by his actions. Continue to ignore him. Life goes on.
Mrin Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 What does he say is the reason you aren't getting together in person. Honestly - if he were just trying to string you along he wouldn't spend 1.5 - 2 hours on the phone with you. That's torture for dudes - talking on the phone that long unless they're really into a lady.
Author LillySail Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 This is a classic relationship pattern for certain individuals with various personality disorders. I honestly have thought the same thing that it is some kind of personality disorder. MRIN - every night it is a different reason. He is on his way to do this, or on his way to do that or he didn't sleep much last night so he is going to bed early. He effortlessly can carry a conversation with me via phone for that long. He may just be that selfish as in, he is only doing things that he wants to do,either way, not the man for me because a lot of what he is doing, he could include me in as well. I am going on a business trip for 3 days, he didn't say when are you leaving or when are you coming home. Nothing, it is so odd. I don't even know this man that calls me anymore. I do know this. In my eyes, he means nothing special to me anymore. I am ready to move on from this and I am looking forward to no more contact, I can get that ball rolling with this trip. After my husband passed away, this was my first dating experience and I can honestly say, I am not jumping into another relationship anytime soon. Thanks all for the advice, it is completely appreciated!
PegNosePete Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 I would tell him, "I prefer to talk in person. Let me know when you have time to meet up. Please don't call me anymore." End of conversation. ^^ Exactly this. It's pretty pointless to speculate on the reason for his changed behaviour. The only thing that matters is whether he wants to continue your relationship or not. The above quote should clarify that pretty quickly.
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