Hyperfocal Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 We are mid 30's. I have been on two dates with this lady, conversation is fine, she is about what I am looking for, but... her OLD site photos showed no tatoos. On first date I see an inch on the arm (long sleeves), 2nd date she has sleeveless and I see birds all over arms. Mind you, I love birds, and I love women, but birds painted on woman's arms is not my thing... She says she is still getting them, work in progress, so on. I usually an rather direct, I could write an email or meet her and tell her I am happy with us so far; yet tattoos are not attractive to me. Or another way is better? I do not regard tatoo bearers as lesser people, I have friends with tat's, all that... However I do feel a great loss of attraction regarding this, and that I cannot control, it's how I'm wired. Open to insight. Thx.
MidwestUSA Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 It's only been two dates. Chances are, there will be another reason it won't work out anyway. Just let her go now. Just the 'I'm not feeling it' line. She's not going to stop getting them, no point in mentioning it. 13
preraph Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Next time she wants to show off her tats, I think you should simply and without ire tell her, "I'm not really into tattoos." The she'll tell you how cool they are and try to convince you. Then you say, "Meh, I like bare skin better." 2
MidwestUSA Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Next time she wants to show off her tats, I think you should simply and without ire tell her, "I'm not really into tattoos." The she'll tell you how cool they are and try to convince you. Then you say, "Meh, I like bare skin better." That'll work too. After such a short time, she'll go ahead and call it quits. There's just no point in trying to overlook a deal breaker. 2
basil67 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 What would be the point of telling her that you don't like them? She's hardly going to change who she is for a guy she's been on two dates with. For that matter, she's hardly going to change who she is for a guy she's been with for two years. Just cite incompatibility and move on. No need to criticise her body art choices. 7
Author Hyperfocal Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) Yea, Thanks. As far as telling her... the last two interactions with women I've had, I very clearly explained where I stood at termination. I think that ethically it is right to share it for their statistical purposes, for them to learn. After doing so, I have received similar clarity from those same two, which has helped me reflect. I really don't expect her to change, not my goal. At date 1, I thought, maybe they are old, and she will remove them someday, turned out to be different. Thanks. she's hardly going to change who she is for a guy she's been with for two years. Oh, hmm.. it's been two dates, ten days, not two years, LOL! Edited June 7, 2016 by Hyperfocal
LookAtThisPOst Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 We are mid 30's. I have been on two dates with this lady, conversation is fine, she is about what I am looking for, but... her OLD site photos showed no tatoos. On first date I see an inch on the arm (long sleeves), 2nd date she has sleeveless and I see birds all over arms. Mind you, I love birds, and I love women, but birds painted on woman's arms is not my thing... She says she is still getting them, work in progress, so on. I usually an rather direct, I could write an email or meet her and tell her I am happy with us so far; yet tattoos are not attractive to me. Or another way is better? I do not regard tatoo bearers as lesser people, I have friends with tat's, all that... However I do feel a great loss of attraction regarding this, and that I cannot control, it's how I'm wired. Open to insight. Thx. Yeah, whatever happened to women who once used to get the small, feminine snoopy, flower, or heart tats on their wrists, ankles, or on their back. They are starting to look like they've got out of prison with the sleeve tats or that crap that extends from their arm pits all the way to their hip. I go to swimming areas and see this on women in bikini's. Less is more, that's all I can say.
amaysngrace Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 (edited) Make her put your name on her arm....that'd be kinda cool and if she says no then break up Edited June 7, 2016 by amaysngrace
RecentChange Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 You could leave it at "I am not attracted to you" Really you don't need to give her your opinion on her body art, she didn't ask you too! I think women are less likely to "keep stats" on this stuff then men do. I mean would you tell someone "I like blonds, your hair is dyed brown, and I don't like that, thought you should know"? I went on a date once with a guy who had bad (as in not healthy looking) teeth. 100% deal breaker for me. Nice guy, otherwise attractive, no way I am kissing that month, not this hygiene freak. So I told him, sorry, just not attracted to you, I am fickle that way and have no control over it. He said he appreciated the honesty. Now I could have said, you seem like a nice guy, but your gums are a deal breaker. Maybe that would have helped him? I figured he knew that his teeth were less than stellar, kinda like telling a fat girl she is fat - really she already knows. And tge next guy might like them! My sister is covered in tattoos, gorgeous, and is married to a very financially successful guy, who is also covered in tattoos. 2
VeveCakes Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 As someone in the process of getting my sleeve and also more tattoos elsewhere, I would say you are not compatible. If I dated a guy and he said that to me I would laugh and say ok, good luck in the future. People with a lot of tattoos... love them. They are part of who we are. Nothing you say is going to stop her from getting more. 4
TXGuy Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Yea, the last two interactions with women I've had, I very clearly explained where I stood at termination. I think that ethically it is right to share it for their statistical purposes, for them to learn. I agree that you should move on. I think you are going overboard by saying it is 'ethically right' to tell women how they displease you. I think it reflects poorly on you. It makes you appear to be a bit of a xxx (unpleasant person). You don't know each other well enough to give insightful critiques. But I do see where you are coming from. I've had one instance where I had a 'constructive criticism exchange' with a woman I dated ~6 months. Her input helped me. I think my input might have helped her. But most of the other times I've given or received unsolicited criticisms, it has not been constructive. 4
MidwestUSA Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 It's funny, but when OP said 'growing', I thought he meant she'd started with a small cute fishie, and it had turned into a whale. Not another one of 'those' threads! 3
Buddhist Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 If they are works in progress it's unlikely she is going to stop that progress. If you say anything she is just as likely to tell you where to stick it. I have nothing against tats as a lifestyle choice but I don't find them attractive and wouldn't date anyone with full sleeves. You have only one option....walk. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 It's funny, but when OP said 'growing', I thought he meant she'd started with a small cute fishie, and it had turned into a whale. Not another one of 'those' threads! Me too!!!! 1
ChickiePops Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Yea, Thanks. As far as telling her... the last two interactions with women I've had, I very clearly explained where I stood at termination. I think that ethically it is right to share it for their statistical purposes, for them to learn. After doing so, I have received similar clarity from those same two, which has helped me reflect. I really don't expect her to change, not my goal. At date 1, I thought, maybe they are old, and she will remove them someday, turned out to be different. Thanks. Oh, hmm.. it's been two dates, ten days, not two years, LOL! Nooooooo there's a HUGE difference between being ethical and sparing someone's feelings!! You're being overly logical. 1
Zippy2000 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Im very much the same. I m not a great fan ot tattoos. If they are done well and not of the cheap kind with faded colours and awful drawings. I will date a woman with small and discreet tattoos like on a foot or on her shouldr blade. When she says there is more work in progress and you find you are not attracted to tattoos. It may be worth your while to call things off than get way too deep.
SammySammy Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 To me, dating is like putting two pieces of a puzzle together. I'm looking for the piece that fits me. I'm not trying to shape the wrong piece into something it's not. Not trying to force a piece to go where it doesn't fit. Just looking for that piece, or pieces, that fit me. I don't have tattoos. Not into tattoos. If a person getting tattoos is a problem for me, then I need to let her live her life. And find somebody else. 1
Toodaloo Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Some people like tatoos some people don't. She does + you don't = incompatibility. For what its worth I saw an absolutely stunning girl at a wedding over the weekend. Gorgeous figure, stunning face then she turned round and one arm was covered in ink... to me it just looks tacky. But to her husband it must have looked wonderful... Perceptions. Anyway just leave it and move on.
BikerAccnt Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Send her my way, I love tattoo's. Especially back tattoo's on women.. There's someone for everyone. 1
smackie9 Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 If you are using OLD just stipulate "No tattoos" or "Not into a girl that is sleeved" I think she hides them on purpose and hopes you will like her enough to look past it. That's why she showed them on the second date to put it out there to see if you were ok with it. Just tell you are not, and wish her all the best. Or you can just not ask for a third date, she will get the hint. I agree tattoos are a certain lifestyle....Some ladies are starting to realize it limits their options.
VeveCakes Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 If you are using OLD just stipulate "No tattoos" or "Not into a girl that is sleeved" I think she hides them on purpose and hopes you will like her enough to look past it. That's why she showed them on the second date to put it out there to see if you were ok with it. Just tell you are not, and wish her all the best. Or you can just not ask for a third date, she will get the hint. I agree tattoos are a certain lifestyle....Some ladies are starting to realize it limits their options. It doesn't limit our options at all...if a guy isn't into dating me because I have a half sleeve then trust me - he's not for me . I have never had a single guy say anything but good things about mine. 3
Gaeta Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 She is not going to stop covering her body in tattoos for you. It's better you just do not pursue. My daughter has 75% of her body tattooed. She didn't stop for me and she would not stop for a man. It's something they are pursuing that is bigger than anything else.
BikerAccnt Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 It doesn't limit our options at all...if a guy isn't into dating me because I have a half sleeve then trust me - he's not for me . I have never had a single guy say anything but good things about mine. It's only limiting in a positive manner really, it eliminates those you wouldn't be compatable with! I mention that I'm only looking for a woman that rides. Either you have your own bike, or you ride as my backseat (passenger). And, that you need to really like to ride. Not just an occasional trip to dinner type of thing, but all day Poker Runs, weekend out of state trips, and the like. Does it limit my options, yes, but it only limits it to those I feel compatible with. Same with tattoos. Different strokes for different folks. 3
deadparrot Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 OP, I understand that you want to be honest, but saying "I'm just not feeling it," is just as honest as "I don't like your tattoos"--it's simply making it about a compatibility issue rather than an insult. Also, pretty disgusted at the double standards going on in this thread. Don't have tattoos, and I totally understand if they're not your thing, but the misogynistic comments are gross.
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