AcceptThePresent Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Hi guys, My exboyfriend's good friend B sent me a friend request on Facebook. Not sure what to do. I have some mutual friends on Facebook with both B and my ex, but I have my privacy settings for those mutual friends locked down to only what I post publicly. Backstory: I was friends with B for 2 years before I really knew or started dating my ex. I would not have met my ex if I wasn't friends with B. I adored B as a friend and feel badly that I've cut him off as an innocent bystander of my failed relationship. He is a really good person. Shortly after my ex and I started dating I moved for work (1000+ miles) and had a long distance relationship with my ex for 5 months. We've been broken up for 15 months. My ex ended the relationship by phone abruptly and without really telling me why. He did it 2 weeks before a planned vacation together. I reasoned with myself that long distance is hard, you can't convince someone to like or love you, and if he couldn't tell me why well there was nothing I could do. I did not ask for a second chance. Just told him I did my best, that I was heartbroken, and wished him the best. My ex was stoic and said very little. I went no contact a few days later and blocked my ex everywhere. My ex got through my blocks twice (3 months & 12 months after the breakup). The first time was my fault because I didn't know Verizon blocks expire after 3 months. The second time I stopped blocking after 9 months because it seemed long enough. My ex left a voicemail the second time. He wanted me to call him back. He said he had a void in his life since the breakup. He said if I didn't feel the same way, he would like closure. I was doing well but that voicemail was a mindf*ck and set me back. I have not contacted him. I'm worried that if I keep in touch with B, it will trigger emotions about my ex. The breakup was painful for me. I'm proud of myself for finding strength to move on, but I'm not all the way through yet. Not sure why it's taking so long but it's not for lack of effort. I think I invest to much in relationships. Thanks for reading and your thoughts. The contributors to this site have helped me more than I can say. I am truly grateful.
privategal Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 Keep your boundaries. If being friends with mutual friends will hurt then you have to stay strong. Its only you and your healing that matter. Years down the line if a friend stood out that you would like to sincerely connect with and you are healed, indifferent and neutral then maybe. For now...why not temporarily disable favebook as you heal and focus on you, its not the be all and end all to have facebook. You can activate later but maybe avoid these awkward friend requests by taking a break all together. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted June 6, 2016 Posted June 6, 2016 You should be proud of yourself for how you have handled things, especially ignoring the call from your ex. You are doing really well. My advice would be to think carefully about accepting the friends request from his friend. As well as being a trigger for your emotions, it will also give your ex access to your life and another means of contacting you again. You need to decide if you are comfortable taking that risk. 1
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