Author Tressugar Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 Thank you so much I feel a thousand times better after each and everyone's comments. Yes he said he's single and available for a serious committed relationship. But I've moved on...
mortensorchid Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 Hit the road, Jack, and doncha come back no more! He's just yanking your chain, move on. 2
Author Tressugar Posted June 7, 2016 Author Posted June 7, 2016 Lol...I like that...all of your advice was excellent!
Zapbasket Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 All of your input is logical and makes sense. I just keep on thinking there's gotta be a valid reason for his disappearances. I would want someone to give me a chance if I couldn't show up or somehow couldn't call. Whatever the reasons are I don't get a good feeling. What if he finally calls...should I give him another chance? Thank you for your sound advice. Just this evening I was musing on why a guy would express huge interest in a girl, calling her "an amazing person" and similar things, and then put minimal effort into a first date, but at the end of the date continue to express how attracted he was to her, how "amazing" he thought she was, etc. (this was an experience I had recently). And your post just gave me an answer...or at least a hypothesis: In a situation like yours and my recent one, there are two incongruent aspects. On the one hand, the guy has indicated to you somehow that he is super-interested in you. On the other, he's really lackadaisical about taking steps to further an intimacy between you...like, *really* lackadaisical. We're left scratching our heads because their words say they are interested, while their actions say they aren't. The compliments, understandably, keep us on the hook. Here you are, baffled at the incongruency, and concluding that "there must be some reason" while even referring to the guy as "a good guy." I think that's unconsciously what guys like this are aiming for: it puts you in a disempowered position. You're withholding judgment, thinking there must be a reason for the disinterest, since otherwise he indicated interest. So if he comes back around to set up a date, you'll agree, because finally everything "makes sense" at least somewhat. It's them managing expectations. From the get-go, you're willing to accept much less than you would have if the guy had never said anything about being really into you / interested in getting to know you / attracted to you. Whereas if his efforts had matched his professed level of interest, your expectations would naturally skyrocket. Upon reflection, I find this to be a huge form of disrespect. In my situation, the guy asked me out after commenting how "amazing" I was after we'd had two days of conversation while skiing together (we knew each other loosely through work), was super-lazy about setting up the date down to having me pay my half even though he invited me to a movie and I suggested a night when movie tickets are half off, and then, during drinks after the movie, indicated some vague wish/expectation that we go to my place. And that really did it for me. I mean, at least TRY if you hope to get an invite to my place. After his lazy approach, of COURSE I had no intention of having him over, and nor would I have anyway on a first date (or second, or third...). In sum, it's insulting. Not to mention pathetic. Drop this loser. He is NOT a good guy; he's a lazy azz who doesn't deserve to get to know you. Getting to know someone who in your eyes is alluring should be a privilege you are willing to work for. F*** this crap he's dishing you; the only "reason" that holds water is that he's lackadaisical about pursuing the privilege of getting to know a potentially interesting person. 3
katiegrl Posted June 7, 2016 Posted June 7, 2016 I'm now in a new exclusive dating relationship. And this guy keeps on flaking on our dates. He doesn't follow through. I don't know if I should wait for him to call me with an explanation or just bail. I know his schedule is really busy. I have not heard from him in awhile. When I call he doesn't answer or return my text messages. What would you do in my case? He's a really good guy. Huh? What's so good about him? He flakes, doesn't call and when you call he doesn't answer or return your text messages? WTH. I would bail and so should you. Why do you continue to tolerate this? Allow it? As long as you continue to allow it, he will continue doing it.... Not hearing from him is also concerning. He doesn't sound into it. Fading out. Or lazy and complacent. Not inclined to put any effort in, feels meh. If it were me me I would just bail and find a guy who IS into it and into ME! 4
Lovelorn00 Posted June 9, 2016 Posted June 9, 2016 My tenacity did not come in one day. I spent a lot of time on here asking for advice. I had a lot of micro-dead-end-relationships. All agreed though that I didn't dump quickly enough when red flags started waving at me. So I changed that. I was too tolerant and it always ended up with guys having flaky behavior around me. I finally made these rules to myself. * You talk sex - you're out * You stand me up once - you're out * You don't return a call - you're out * You have any kind of non-gentleman behavior - you're out Don't worry, you won't run out of men to date. THIS. These are EXCELLENT rules, especially for gals like me. So good. 1
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